I’d like some advice on jewelry I can wear out and about when I’m presenting as a man. Preferably something that wouldn’t get too many looks on a 40 year old.
Simple gold or silver chains are an obvious choice. Bead mala bracelets too.
You can find celtic and nordic torc necklaces that work well regardless of gender
Earrings are great. Lobe piercings are among the easiest to manage. And you can change jewelry often to get the right level of masc/femme you’re looking for (e.g., studs, dangly). I find rose gold more femme than yellow gold, but finding the right jewelry colour for your skin tone (yellow gold, rose gold, silver or white gold) also looks femme. I like basic “huggies” earrings. They’re feminine without being obviously feminine, and they’re very low maintenance - easy to sleep with, never have to take them out. Once you get comfy with your lobes pierced, try a second set of lobe piercings :P
Basic (e.g., black rope) anklet is an option.
I’d like to find a choker necklace that can be worn in my he/they mode
A few simple rings. Some earrings work too I reckon, that being said, wear what you want to!
I don’t wear jewelry, generally speaking. And there appear to be cultural norms around jewelry, something like fine, ornate pieces being more fem, and bulky, simple pieces being more masc. As above, e.g. some earrings a simple hoop, not to big, or even one in each lobe. A necklace that had a more solid chain, a bracelet or ring that is more bulky, substantial, maybe as I’m thinking of it, that it represents wealth especially if it’s gold or silver. And other materials like carbon fiber, steel, copper as they are tough and ultilitarian, which are for no particular reason associated with masc. Probably there’s some stuff about some jewels being more fem, others more masc. And I’ll reiterate, wear what you want to wear, what makes you feel good.
I’m a cishet man I love rings as you said Sterling silver, titanium etc. I don’t personally like necklaces.
Right, and there’s all those masc rappers, musicians with large necklaces, since the 80s at least, stemming from a perceived need to have gold to afford bail, or something. LoL, now I’m gonna have to look more closely at jewelry for masc ID’d folx. I know a few jewelers, might be a good source to ask.
Many cultures view jewelry as a symbol of wealth, and in some of those cultures masculine-identifying people wear much more jewelry than their masculine peers in other cultures. Your comment about rappers and having gold to afford bail sounds racist or based in racism to me
I don’t think it’s racist, as it’s a fact of life for non-white men that they will suffer from racist policing policies in the US that land them in jail far more often. If one ends up in jail, it’s difficult to keep in contact with the ‘outside’. And be it for bail, or for when one is released; that gold can be sold when they need the cash. Because of your comment, I’ve read up a bit on this, and there’s a lot to learn. There’s much more than I’ve said. And this is off topic for the original post, so I’ll leave it up to you to do your own reading.
Bulky gold chains and other gold or platinum jewelry often stand as a tangible symbol of success and prosperity against difficult odds, for people of any race.
https://www.jewelrycarats.com/history-of-american-slave-jewelry/ https://goldpresidents.com/blogs/news/what-is-the-significance-of-bold-necklaces-in-black-culture-why-do-rappers-wear-them-a-lot-especially-when-they-perform-on-stage-or-during-interviews
So I’m just a cis dude scrolling by but it looks like you want more “generally masculine” jewelry suggestions?
I’ve not seen anyone suggest signet rings in particular. They can be smaller or these great big chunky statements on your finger. I’m a particular fan of bronze because the best signets are always bronze. You can get custom engravings and with or without jewels, there’s so many options.
Ooo signet ring is a cool idea.
Signet rings are sharp for any gender and can really make a statement. They’re traditionally worn on the little finger, but I’ve always liked them on the fourth or middle finger, bold as brass.
If red works well with your style, check out carnelian signet rings. They are made with a bunch of cool designs.
Cishet but one thing i didn’t see mention is just some kind of non metalic bracelet. In the past I’ve done a braided bracelet. Someone might ask if it has any special meaning but it won’t ever be questioned beyond that. If you want to get an idea of what i mean just look on amazon for “braided bracelet for men” and there’s a bunch of ideas. If you have a loved one you can always ask for something like this as a gift for that special meaning. Or just get one that you like the look and/or think would look good.
Have fun!
what’s the point of wearing the jewelry if it’s male-coded?
what would you want to wear if you were “allowed” to?
I want to wear it for myself, and not necessarily male coded jewelry but stuff I could wear without raising questions with friends or coworkers.
I’d love to have earrings. Also just random rings and bracelets. I love semi precious stones so probably stuff with a lot of that.
depending on where you live / what is culturally acceptable, you could probably just wear whatever you like - gender non-conforming styles are something even cis-men explore, esp. since the 1960s in the U.S. when feminine hippie styles (long hair, flowy clothes, floral patterns, etc.) took on anti-war significance.
EDIT: you have to remember, cis people are truly clueless, most people won’t question your gender as a man even with jewelry, feminine behavior, etc. - many people will even think there were no signs when you had been feminizing in many ways
EDIT2: some examples from my own life, I wore women’s clothing like skirts whenever I could growing up, yet my parents, friends, and other family never thought I might be trans; my step-mother even gave me her hand-me-down jeans to wear and this was considered reasonable / normal. When I transitioned, everyone was shocked, my mother told me there were no signs growing up. I think feminine traits on a man just reads as “gay”, so just remember your fear that you will be outed as trans based on feminized things like jewelry might be outsized, others almost certainly aren’t thinking that even if it should be obvious.
cis people are truly clueless
Lol. I think I’m starting to learn this.
It’s awesome you were able to explore your feminity so openly. I’m in the US south so there’s still a pretty low bar to being viewed as unacceptably feminine. Reading as gay is something I’d prefer to avoid just as much as being trans.
That being said, even with how bad things are getting I don’t think I’ve internalized how accepting most people are these days. Finding a more feminine style that works for me will take a while probably.
sorry to give the wrong impression, I also live in the U.S. south and my dad physically threatened me and my mom when I was 4 years old and was gender exploring by trying on my mom’s heels in her closet … I had to hide most of my cross-dressing from people in my life but especially from my dad, and every exploration was a calculation of risk. The first time I bought skirts as an adult, I felt panicky while checking out, terrified they might think I was buying them for myself. Looking back, that was a silly fear considering nobody would think that.
That said, nobody that did know about my cross-dressing ever thought I might be trans. However, I didn’t want to be read as gay either, just like you, I just knew it was safer to seem gay (and I didn’t seem capable of not being seen as gay, people just assumed it from the way I looked and sounded, even if I did nothing to feminize).
I will say, socially transitioning before medically transitioning taught me that literally 99% of people don’t care at all, you can wear a dress and paint your nails and wear jewelry and still look like a man, and you might get some stares or looks, but that’s about it for the most part, even in the south. I think people just tend to mind their business. There are obvious exceptions to this, and it’s good to avoid aggressive men, but it’s nothing like I thought it was going to be (I guess in my head I figured I would be attacked on day one, and that the reactions would be more violent or angry).
I hope that someday soon you are able to transition. ❤️ Stay strong.
I’m also adding earrings, they were basically one of the very first things I did when I started transitioning. They’ve become relatively common on guys, and small studs won’t stand out much at all, but they’re something I notice every time I look in the mirror and make me feel very femme. Plus, you can very much up how much they stand out as you get more comfortable with presenting more femme. Plus, I work with my hands a lot and can’t wear anything dangly/metallic at work, and I just generally find a lot of jewelry annoying/uncomfortable to wear, but I don’t notice my earrings at all except when I see them
You’re probably right that it wouldn’t stand out. The only comments I’d get would be ‘so, you’re having a mid life crisis huh.’ Something like that…
