Idk if it’s because of my ADHD or Depression but I struggled my whole life with finding a healthy balance to all these temptations that this world offers.
I’m 21 years old now (and a male) and I feel like this is now stronger than ever. It could be worse because these temptations might’ve become more and stronger or it’s the fact that becoming an adult feels so overwhelming to me because of all the freedoms that come with all these responsibilities of managing and balancing/limiting everything yourself.
I find it so hard to restrict/discipline myself since there are so many temptations in this consumer oriented world. Even though I know that most of the stuff isn’t good for me, it feels impossible to have the discipline to not go after it/escape it.
And often I have this inner conflict of not knowing what the right decision is and if I should do what my inner child desperately wants because it feels like it will easily give me the happiness that I’m seeking for my life and that I can’t miss out on it (but it might as well be an illusion and will only make my life worse) or if I should not go after that to potentially become long-term successful/happy but with the big possibility of failing anyways (which is why I don’t go after the second option most of the time since it seems like an unachievable illusion to me since I always fail anyways). It’s like a part in me wants it but the other part doesn’t want it/knows that it is bad for me. But it seems impossible to figure out the truth.
Idk if this has something to do with capitalism and wonder if it might be different in non capitalistic societies or if they have the same problem. Because it seems like everything in this world is designed to get people to buy/consume it. I feel like the world just sees me as a dollar sign and wants to milk every penny out of me without caring what this does to my health. Like a trap.
I know we’re supposed to be responsible for our own actions but it seems that it is made so hard to the point where its almost impossible to do. I mean it is well known through insiders, whistleblowers but also the industry itself that these big companies hire psychiatrists and neurologists to make all these products such as social media as addictive as possible since engagement and attention span is key for them. And they are well aware about the downsides and affects to peoples health but they don’t care cause they only care about the money. It’s like they intentionally make us sick for their greedy benefits.
It’s like there are all these doors for entering escapism, they’re all around me and are screaming that I need to go in. And since I already feel so miserable it seems impossible to not enter the doors cause they’re the easiest way of escaping the misery and somehow getting through the day.
It’s so hard to get out and live a life outside off these temptations cause they’re everywhere and give you this easy and fast pleasure that’s craved by our simple primate brains.
There’s constantly new stuff like addictive food, toxic media and technologies, new consoles, games and so on.
It seems to me that the world is designed to put us down instead of lifting us up. And it feels impossible to escape it since I’m too weak to overcome all these external things that are designed against me.
But the biggest driver seems to be the fear of missing out and not doing the right thing that will not make me happy.
Am I the only one who feels like this? What are your thoughts on this? How much could this be a personal issue and how much could it be societal related?
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Yes, things are fucked
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You’re getting to that age everyone realizes shit sucks, at the same time shit sucks more than usual
It’s all completely normal.
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As others have said, it is normal for your age. My personal tip is to try to wait at least 24 hours before buying something or sending that email. If it still seems like a good idea it has at least matured over a nights sleep and some thought.
As others have said, it is normal for your age.
I want to second this. An important part of your 20s is learning how to interact with the world as an adult. That means access to many more things, but also the requirement to develop personal skills to responsibly use what is now available to you.
My personal tip is to try to wait at least 24 hours before buying something or sending that email. If it still seems like a good idea it has at least matured over a nights sleep and some thought.
In my 20s, when I was overspending, I did something similar to this. Anytime I saw something I wanted to buy (not required for life), I would write it on a list. I allowed myself a purchase of 1 item off the list a week, but the rule is that the item I purchased must have been on the list for at least one week.
I was surprised how many things on the list I found I didn’t want anymore even after a few days, and since they were just on the list, instead of being purchased, I ended up saving quite a bit of money. I also didn’t feel denied things, because I was still allowing myself to buy one thing off the list.
I think there’s a saying gaining ground about how normal it is to feel depressed, targeted, out of place, psychologically manipulated, etc in an increasingly fucked up society.
We are right there with you, little brother. Find community; people that make you feel safe and good. Give back and create a tiny world of happiness. Live there and never take it for granted.
This is likely not what you want to hear, but whether it is societal or personal doesn’t matter.
Regardless of the source of these feelings, you have identified and laid out personal behaviors that are negatively effecting your quality of life.
You already seem to know that you need to work on them. Getting help from a therapist with that might make it easier.
Being stuck in a forest fire might not be related to personal choices either, but the proper respomse to the situation has to come from you anyway.
That out of the way, you aren’t wrong. Modern life is designed by companies to maximize their short term profits by any means available. Generally that means making their products as addictive as legally allowable and fostering feelings of fomo (fear of missing out).
But here’s the thing: there is no possible way you could ever possibly experience everything you might possibly enjoy in life. You’ve already lost that battle by simply existing. There’s too much stuff, with more made all the time.
That means that there will always be things around for you to enjoy when you have the time to do so!
You can also try to step back from these things and spend more time in nature. They can’t monetize staring at plants or walking through the woods.
Lastly, life is not always about maximizing happiness, especially not maximizing short term happiness. Sometimes proper self care means denying yourself things.
You wouldn’t tell a diabetic that it’s fine to eat nothing but icecream and cake for days at a time. You wouldn’t let a child that hasn’t been potty trained run around without a diaper.
Unless you have worse problems than what you appear to, you don’t piss yourself because you’d rather not stop what you’re doing to walk to the bathroom. I’d expect that idea is quite repulsive to you. That’s already something you deny yourself for your own good, you just have been doing it for so long (nearly your whole damn life) it’s now just something you do.
Forcing yourself to make better choices isn’t easy, but if you do it for long enough it becomes easier. It’s habit building, which is harder but still possible with ADHD.
