There are three critical parts to an apology. You have to feel regret/remorse, accept guilt and make an effort to correct it/make sure it never happens again.
If all three aren’t present every time then someone isn’t sorry. If they say sorry and don’t make it right or make reasonable actions to ensure it doesn’t happen again then they are a liar and poor company to keep.
*than
There are people whose entire modus operandi is to not give a shit about others in their choices and actions, apologize when challenged about it and carry on doing the same.
Their “apologizing” is just a confrontation-avoidance technique, not a genuine expression of regret.
Oh you’ve met my “supervisor” Dave?
Why is “supervisor” in quotes? You’d know if you knew Dave.
That’s why I never apologize!
“I’m sorry, that’s just the way I am!”
“I know what I am” - princess pony head
My dad would always say “don’t say sorry, DO sorry”. The apology will be present in your words and actions.
Wholesome Omniman weirds me out.
Why?
This part was so well done. Building up the speedster as someone that experiences time at an accelerated rate compared to humans then showing this where 2 seconds must have been like years of agony for him.
Really tragic and brutal.
Have you seen the show?
Have you read the comics? I have both seen the show and read the comics. If you have just seen the show it might be strange but when the show gets to the end or if you read the comics it makes sense. It’s not as strange after all.
And in that statement you’ve answered your first question
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Could have picked a better father…
A better father also wouldn’t mix up “then” and “than”
I didn’t even notice that smh my head
Username checks out.
That’s what I teach my kids. If you apologize and do it again it doesn’t count as an apology. An apology is a promise to do better next time.
I tried teaching my mom that and that did not go well.
I think that’s just one notch above what’s necessary.
An apology is a promise to [try to] do better next time.
You might fail again, but it doesn’t mean you did the wrong thing, necessarily. But if you didn’t even try, then 🖕🖕
Yeah, as a kid I had serious struggles with certain things and my parents eventually started getting angry at my apologies. That was a parenting decision of theirs that went quite poorly for me.
Yeah, this kept tripping me up. I tried to be better but was always falling short and kept getting called out on promises not fulfilled. So I just stopped apologizing.
What I’m trying to say is, if a kid keeps failing to deliver on those promises constantly the parent might need to make a change in there. If not then all is dandy.
the way I’ve always put it is you have an idea of who you want to be and you have to work to be that person every day and it’s okay to fall it’s okay to fail but it’s important that you keep trying.
What about paying a small fine which is a fraction of the profits you made from the crime?
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That depends on how small a fraction of the profits are paid, smaller fraction = more sorry.
I really like this perspective, thanks for sharing!
How do I become a better person and stop doing it? I find I am constantly making mistakes and bothering people. I think a solution to this would be to stop interacting with people as a whole so my presence isn’t harming anyone, but that often isn’t really feasible. Like at work I often have to interact with people to do my job for example. Occasionally I have thought about quitting to save people from me, but then I wouldn’t know how to pay my bills. And idk that I’d want to be homeless.
Why don’t you believe that you can learn or get better at things?
There are just so many variables and ways to respond and interact that I manage to select the wrong ones all the time. In an ideal situation, I would stop and weigh the options of every single thing I do and say at any given moment in order to figure out the correct course of action. But that just isn’t feasible. And I never realize when I’m supposed to stop and think until it’s too late.
Like today, I wanted to keep my coworker informed about some case she will have to deal with in the morning. So I sent her a long text after work. But that was wrong and bad because it was bothering someone with a life at home. It was only hours later that I realized that I had an alternative. I could have handwritten out a letter on the case and stuck it where she would see instead of being invasive and bothersome and inconsiderate outside of the workplace.
I have learned some things over time, but sadly there are just an infinite number of scenarios and things and ways I’m supposed to interact and I just can’t figure them all out.
People go through that all the time. It’s normal. What matters is your learning. It sounds like you did learn.
Also, maybe they don’t care about the text? Some people care some people don’t. But probably better for it to be an email / note. Not a big deal either way. Just learn and don’t ruminate on it. Everyone goes through it.
Find a different behavior to replace it is the easiest in my experience. But not every apology worthy behavior has an alternative or replacement.
This is true, but unfortunately, some people dont understand this and think an apology is a ‘get out of jail free’ card to do whatever they want, and no one can get mad at them.
And you bet that forgiveness benefits you the most. It doesn’t. If someone says sorry rarely, never changes, and you are taught to keep being compassionate… you are going to lose your ability to care about people. Better to stay alert, because that person will hurt you again.
Likewise, if someone genuinely apologizes and tries to make it right, stop shitting on them. Too many people view apologies as weakness and admitting fault for events that are sometimes out of your hands.
You’re right, I should have mentioned I am referring to the same repeated bad behavior and people who keep apologizing for it again and again as if that makes it all better, rather than making meaningful change. An apology is meaningless without action to back it up.
think an apology is a ‘get out of jail free’
Well, ‘forgive’ and ‘forget’ aren’t the same. ;-)
I don’t think this meme format is adequate for the contents…
On the contrary, one of my favorite meme mutations is the subversion of the intent of the original media or meme itself. Like the “can you please call HR”, “hello human resources” one. Or bonehurtingjuice on the whole.
Unless you work in a customer facing role…then you throw out apologies all over the place to calm people down. Never need to act on the apology. Just need to get through the shift. Management isn’t going to change the structures that cause the poor experience anyway.
I used to do that, but I stopped because I’m trying to be less of a people-pleasing doormat in general. Plus people don’t like empty apologies from company reps anyway… it often led to more hostility. Apologizing also tends to give to the impression that they are right to be pissy whiny assholes, which isn’t something that should be encouraged at all.
Instead, I started saying “I very much understand your frustration; let’s see what we can do to get this resolved for you.” This makes you and the customer (psychologically) a team against the problem, and they are less likely to go off on you.
I definitely stole that tactic from car salespeople. And it works super well.
LOOK WHAT THEY NEED TO MIMIC A FRACTION OF OUR APOLOGIES
That’s the neat part!
Assuming we’re talking about a friend/acquaintance, a person can be genuinely sorry but sort of be too dim to meaningfully improve their behavior. That said, if they don’t at least give a good faith effort to improve then my patience will wear thin and I’ll probably want to be around them as little as possible, even if I end up ultimately forgiving them on the emotional side of things.
Nope. If buddy does the thing again, he gets a Hey Buddy talk to remind him he’s over the line. You still have to be that proper friend as long as you can.
I don’t know that I agree that you have to but sure that’s not an unreasonable policy either. I guess it depends on the specifics for me.
I’m not sure if it is wise to give advice that is the opposite of how things usually work
Sometimes it’s wise to give advice how things should work
What do you mean?
That apologies in mere words are so useful that all corporations have some specialists to do just that?
So what made you think this was advice meant for corporations?
I did not. I’m using corporations as an example to explain “how things usually work”. What other part of my original comment did you not understand if that was not the part you’re questioning?
