While they’re busy loading your bike, hop into their driver’s seat. If you’re lucky, maybe they left the keys in the ignition, free car! If not, either surprise the fuck out of them and ask “Where are we going?”, or call the law, or just beat the shit out of them, your choice.

  • @[email protected]
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    913 hours ago

    I had my bike stolen and saw someone riding it the next day. I chased him down and grabbed my bike and cops showed up and handled the situation, but it was a dumb idea because I had no idea what state of mind the guy was in and if he was carrying any weapons.

  • SatansMaggotyCumFart
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    2317 hours ago

    Lay in their back seat and jump out and say surprise at a fun moment.

    • @over_cloxOP
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      1317 hours ago

      Alternate idea: Lay down in the back seat, and once they get going, call emergency services and say “Help, I’ve been kidnapped!”, and try to describe their vehicle.

      How do they know how the hell you got in their car? And stick with it too, you know that thief is gonna be shitting bricks and trying to get you to shut up and get out of their car or something, go ahead and let 911 hear their bullshit.

      Note: If there’s even the slightest chance there are any cameras around, you probably shouldn’t do that, it’ll catch up with you…

    • @over_cloxOP
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      717 hours ago

      I like the way you think! 😂🤣

  • @[email protected]
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    1115 hours ago

    I caught a bike thief taking one of my roommates’ bikes from the side of our house. He dropped it and walked quickly toward the street. I chased him down and he made some excuse, “oh I thought this was my house” or something. I said, “Ok I trust you.” and let him.

    Years later I wish I had hit him

    • @Delphia
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      1012 hours ago

      You really dont.

      At the point where he is leaving, unarmed and off the property. You’re pretty much 100% in the wrong and in this day and age catching an assault charge means you’re disadvantaged heavily for the rest of your adult life.

      You let a petty theif get away with some petty shit for your own good.

      • @over_cloxOP
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        412 hours ago

        OP here, and I hear ya.

        Still, if it was me, and I actually wanted to hurt them (if they were riding off and not loading it in their trunk as my post regards)…

        I (probably) wouldn’t hurt them directly, I’d probably jam a stick or pipe in the spokes. Like fuckit, it’s my bike, I installed all the spokes myself and can install more later if necessary. And I know my bike’s serial number by heart.

        I can’t help it if the thief busts his face on the pavement because I damaged my own property…

  • burgersc12
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    1617 hours ago

    This is why I put 6 pounds of C4 on my bike at all times

    • @[email protected]
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      1217 hours ago

      According to someone I knew in intelligence, a bicycle was used in a successful assassination by utilizing the tubing as a shaped charge that was detonated as the targets vehicle passed. Could be effective.

        • @[email protected]
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          816 hours ago

          Quite possibly! He told me this twenty years ago when I asked him why he was telling me to vary my route. I told him I’m not a target for assassination, though 🤣

          • @sleepmode
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            615 hours ago

            Always be unpredictable. It could save you from getting robbed or mugged.

            • @[email protected]
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              714 hours ago

              That’s what he hit back with! Including kidnapping! I was 16 at the time, and he was a family friend. He was having drinks with my folks and told me he had seen me three times that week at the same place and time. I still think his work made him a bit paranoid, though.

              • @sleepmode
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                613 hours ago

                It’s hard to get out of that mindset once you’re in it and you see what people are capable of.