Sure, sometimes I miss doing drugs in college.

Mostly I miss the relative stability of society during those times, when the biggest news story of the cycle was that Obama wore a tan suit and liked Dijon mustard.

At the time we were reeling from Bush and the Iraq War situation but those feel like small potatoes now these days, even if they weren’t then.

I miss getting drunk with my friends.

There are definitely times I wish I could go back to being a kid again, but only in the summer breaks because I didn’t have many responsibilities. That, or highschool summer breaks because I spent plenty of time over skype (ewww) with my best friend who I haven’t talked to since graduation. Though, I would absolutely miss my current life.

Also, kid/teenage me would be absolutely jealous of current me for some of my stuff, like my steam deck and other consoles I own, alongside various things like how they’d probably assume I have the whole “adulting” thing down by now and how I’m fairly decent at cooking.

Oh fuuuuuuuuuck yeah and at the same time oh fuuuuuuck no. I don’t think I can do the Archer thing at 37 by preventing an accumulated hangover killing me by never stop drinking like I did in my early 20’s. I rarely drank to point of sloppy drunk because of all the extra circular activities I consumed (adderall and cocain) but I could drink sun up to sun up in my hay day playing chef in my local city’s downtown restaurant seen. It was balls deep in the Anthony Bordain is a god era while he was still alive.

My normal routine that applies to most cooks/chefs in that environment and time period:

Wake up (or stop drinking for 3 hrs and only do amphetamines or coke to prepare for work) go to work.

Pour first pint glass of cheap champagne and oj for vitamins.

Make steak and eggs for bfast.

Start the day’s prep work.

Get your mise en place ready and upgrade your glass to a mini pitcher of mimosa to prepare for dinner rush battle.

Have your last smoke for the evening meditating like a samurai before battle

Give out one last battle cry as the sea of fat fucking assholes storm the gate slaughtering the typically weak front of house crew.

Blackout like will ferral in the debate scene from Old School letting muscle memory take hold and the magic happen.

Communicate communicate communicate

Yell to the prep minions to have 3qty, half gram lines chalked up ASAP.

First up is fryer to take their line while saute covers fryer

Fryer comes back and saute goes for their line while grill and fryer cover saute.

The last is grill who does his line on the line cuz saute brings it back with them for gill to toot away.

Throw a glass or plate at the dishwashers just to make sure they aren’t too high or too faded to keep up.

After first seating moves to second you switch from the pitcher of mimosa or all champagne to whiskey and diet. (type 1 diabetic so gotta keep things healthy, plus I never liked taking insulin shots thru a film of oil, galic, onion and grease that coveres your skin while cooking and yes it seeps thru all clothes so its a head to toe thing)

Keep same routine thru the next 3-4 hours till dinner menus are pulled around 10:30-11 usually popping a couple adderall in that window too.

Clean up station and leave a line for whoever has to cover bar orders.

Change out of chef clothes without showering.

Powder the balls with some corn starch to combat the kitchen dick sweat lingering.

Make a wygu beef bacon cheddar burger.

Do an end of shit tooter and pony up to the bar around 12.

Women see that you navigate the place like you own it and for some reason drunk women find that appealing making it soooooo much easier to hook up than it is just going to a random bar.

If no prospective woman available then check the bar next door that was 100% not a bar restaurant so usually run into someone I knew there and if not just play pool or chill for a couple more hours.

At next door bar, switch from whiskey diet to IPAs.

Hop back next door to the restaurant around 3am when shit is dying down getting ready for last call.

Play darts at restaurant with bouncers till last call.

Wait for place to clear out and fire up the deep fryers. (except on Thursdays when they got cleaned)

Cook up an absurd amount of wings and anything else you could imagine that could be deep fried for the bartenders and bar backs.

Whip up some truffle crusted bacon and asparagus white cheddar mac and cheese for myself. (No joke, add bacon and chopped asparagus to your homemade Mac and cheese)

Continue drinking and chillan till bartenders are done counting registers.

Leave restaurant around 5am, go home with either just roommate or a group of after partiers but regardless of who was coming with we always had another ball for sitting on the porch overlooking our city’s beautiful downtown cemetery. Seriously it was a hidden haven because it was 1 or 2 blocks from the you dont wanna live over there area and 1-2 blocks from millionaires row but because of the cemetery thst really is beautiful, we had a good buffer between us and the crack heads that break into cars.

Rinse repeat reset. The only time it changed was when there were one night stands who came over early in the night for a tastenof some kitchen dick loljk if they came over I showered, I only ever gave out the kitchen dick if she insists on going to her place and they were really attractive because I’d be too embarrassed to ask to shower.

Edit: figure I’d edit in some life pro tips for anyone who wants to rage when they grow up:

1. Adderall is better than cocain 100% of the time with less come down, affordable prescription costs compared to $70-$100/gram for coke that lasts 2 hrs.

2. Dont fucking do shots.

3. Listen to your grandpapi’s limricks or whatever the fuck they’re called, the sayings like “beer before liquor never been sicker licker before beer your in the clear,” but extend it out to all drinks. Don’t increase the alcohol content of your beverage choice more than the last beverage’s alcohol content. The mimosas were to maintain a level of sober without getting hung over but once you start to feel the alcohol kick in you go mixed drinks and then everything after should be less alcohol or then the last selection. This advice is for drunken longevity and not for preventing hangover.

4. To prevent hangover, drink vodka or ultra light beers, it’s the sugar content that increases dehydration that increases hangovers. Thats why shit like tequila and margarita mix will make you feel like death the next day.

5. Don’t buy drugs from people you don’t know.

6. Don’t use opiates to come down from uppers because it’s a habit you’ll never stop. Even if you stopped the uppers you are committing yourself to lifetime of opiates.

7. Adderall to drinking is the red mushroom to little Mario. You feel your self getting too tipsy pop an Addy or 5 and BAMBAMBABA SUPER MARIO. Shit does a good job regrouping your physical abilities as well as cognitive and will give you another 3-8hrs of drinking.

Full disclaimer tho, I’m not someone who doesn’t really have adhd but gets prescribed adhd meds. I have tested in the severe adhd tier with multiple shrinks and still do. The point is my brain doesn’t work like most so the affect that drugs have on me are also very different than with most other people. I’m a very robust person so I do have battle cries but not from cocaine. When I do cocain I want to do my taxes or clean my room. I have never had the cocain experience of RAAAAAAA IM UN-FUCKING-STOPPABLE like I’ve seen just about everyone else have. The point being, don’t pop amphetamines like they’re pez like I did with out know how it affects you.

I miss the simplicity

i dont know i would call it chaos… but i miss the lack of responsibility

Constantly. It seems like a lot of work now though

That’s an odd way to spell “chronic back pain”, but I’ll allow it.

I only miss a more fun internet, and internet before TikTok.

The older I get, the less I miss it. My life with my significant other is far better than anything I had as a kid

Fuck no.

Sure, sometimes I think of the freedom I had in 2008-2010ish with a nice paycheck no responsibilities to speak of, and loads of spare time. But I feel that that span of time was too short to be representative of anything. Before that I was perpetually broke and after that I had to pretend to be an adult.

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I miss having to worry about being upset.