I wanted to share a personal experience I’ve had with my roommate and close friend, to see if anyone else has been through something similar or has advice on how to handle this situation.
It all started in 2023, when I entered college. My friend (let’s call him “Alex”) and I became roommates from freshman year. Alex is bisexual, although I didn’t know that at the time. We got along really well from the start, and living together was pretty normal. Back then, I had a girlfriend, and Alex always gave us space when we needed privacy in the room.
My girlfriend and I broke up. After that, the dynamic between Alex and I changed. We spent a lot of time together in the room, and over time we became more comfortable with our intimacy. There were a couple of times when we caught each other masturbating, but instead of it being awkward, we talked about it and normalized it. By the end of 2023, we were already so comfortable that we could stand in our underwear in front of each other and even change clothes without any problems.
In 2024, things took a more intense turn. One night, after a tiring day of studying, we decided to smoke weed. It was my first time doing it, although Alex was already experienced. We were watching an episode of Game of Thrones when suddenly, we ended up watching porn together. We started masturbating at the same time, and at one point, Alex touched me and I touched him. He ended up masturbating me until I came. The next day, we talked about it and we both agreed that it wasn’t awkward, although it was a little weird.
After that, we started watching porn together more often, but without touching each other. However, our senior year of college, we decided to become roommates again. During that year, the dynamic intensified. We started masturbating each other from time to time, and while it was sporadic at first, it eventually became more frequent.
After graduating, we decided to continue living together to save on rent. That year, Alex confessed to me that he was bisexual, although he clarified that he was not attracted to me. At the time, I felt a little rejected, I don’t know why, but we talked about it and got over it.
We decided to do adult content together again, but this time more explicit. We recorded videos of each other masturbating, and on one occasion, Alex gave me a blowjob. While I enjoyed the experience, I still don’t consider myself gay or bisexual. I don’t feel romantic or sexual attraction towards men in general, or Alex in particular. He’s also made it clear that he’s not attracted to me, and we’ve both set clear boundaries in our relationship.
Now, in 2025, we still live together and occasionally make content together, but always respecting our boundaries. However, Alex recently made me a proposition that has me thinking. He told me that we could do anal penetration content, and that he’d be willing to have me fuck him. For me, that’s already a boundary I’m not sure I want to cross. While I enjoy the dynamic we have, I feel like this could change things between us.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How do you guys handle the line between friendship and physical intimacy? Do you think crossing this boundary could affect our friendship in the long run? I appreciate any advice or insight. Thanks for reading.
My dude I have seen you post this in several communities and in the most gentle way I can think of: straight guys dont spend this much time thinking about whether or not they want to get involved with another man; they reject the idea outright and dont entertain it again.
Labels are a stupid, meaningless thing meant to sow division. You aren’t a thing; you just are, and you’re deserving of love just for being alive.
If you want to date this guy then date him. You can always find someone else later and you might even enjoy it. Maybe this can be a safe way for you to explore this part of yourself.
If you don’t want to date him, then do not. But I suspect homie has a thing for you and it would be better not to string him along.
Fuck whoever you want to fuck (consentually). Just be sure that you communicate your needs and what you’re feeling with your partner and follow your heart. You’ll be fine in the end.
ETA: not every guy is into anal. If you want to keep it to oral or hands only that’s also 100% valid. I used “fuck” above as a broad category, not a specific act.
Thank you for taking the time to write all this, and I understand your point, but I think you’re projecting a bit. Me posting or reflecting on this doesn’t mean I’m confused or not straight. Straight men can question things too without it changing their orientation.
Regarding labels, I agree that they don’t define who I am, but I don’t completely dismiss them either. For some people they’re useful, and for others they’re not, and both are fine.
As for dating him or not, it’s not something I’m seriously considering. Yes, I experimented and I liked it, but that doesn’t have to turn into a relationship or anything deeper. Like I said before, a mouth is a mouth, and I don’t give it any more thought. If I continue with this, it’s more for the practical aspect than anything else.
We’re very close friends, almost like brothers. In fact, I don’t get along with my family, and he’s been like a brother to me. What we do together, sexually, is more for the money we make from selling the videos. It’s not something that stems from romantic or sexual attraction on my part.
I think about it a lot because he’s bi, and I know he genuinely likes getting fucked in the ass. I worry that he might develop feelings beyond friendship, and that will ruin what we have. Our friendship is important to me, and I don’t want to lose it over something that, to me, is more transactional than anything else.
Awesome content and thanks for posting!
Regarding your query: I suppose no one knows. There are 3 options I guess:
- It could become weird.
- Nothing would change.
- It could become awesome.
2 out of those 3 are ok. Personally, I don’t see why crossing that boundary would affect your friendship negatively. I think it would strengthen it, but this is me. Are you scared of him developing feelings for you? Talk with him about that!
What are you planning to do?
thanks for reading and responding. yesterday we talked and had a long talk and he told me that even if i fuck him his feelings of friendship for me are not going to change to something romantic “it doesn’t work like that” he told me, because if that were the case he would have already fallen in love with me from all the times i suck my cock or with all the guys he had casual sex with. he has a point. but anyway i explained to him that i still think it’s something more intimate and more personal, he understood it and suggested we do intercrural sex, put my cock in the other’s crotch and fuck the thighs, there’s no penetration but it’s the same movements. today we’re going to do it when he gets home from work.
I have never heard of that “intercrural sex”. Interesting.
I don’t think anal sex is necessarily intimate. To me, it is just sex. I have had sex with guys in a way that is just… transactional. They fuck me so we both get off. But if you are not comfortable, you shouldn’t do it!
How old are you guys btw?
Let us know how it goes! This is the most content this sub has had for a few months!
I must clarify that the content that we usually sell is mostly just handjobs and the occasional blowjob that he gives me every so often, which in total would be about 10 times, not many, but they were intense because I decided to enjoy it and have a good time, he always swallowed my load, I clarify this so that you don’t think that I receive a blowjob from him every day, I think that I couldn’t stand that, this is why it seems like a big step to me to fuck his ass.
Damn bro. You must have a fantastic dick!
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I hadn’t heard of Intercural sex either, my friend knows a lot of stuff lol. I’m 25 years, you? Are you gay or do you just have sex with men because it’s easier? By the way, I’ve never fucked asses, I’ve always fucked pussy, and I’d be sorry if I said I wasn’t a little intrigued. And thanks for the compliment on my post.
Follow your intuition, dude. You have laid it out fairly clearly here that you think having anal sex with your friend may lead to him having romantic feelings for you, which you are worried would change the dynamic that is working for you now. So my advice is to take this sentiment and share it with your friend. He’s the only one who can give you that reassurance.
Sexuality is a spectrum, and nobody’s 100% straight or 100% gay, not really. Do what you guys feel comfortable with and don’t feel any way about it other than whether or not you’re enjoying it.
If I were in your position, I would consider how it might affect your relationship, but that doesn’t seem to be a problem for you guys.
Enjoy yourselves! And send a link if you’re willing.
Hey, I know you’re just being supportive, but I do think some people are 100% straight or 100% gay, even if a lot of people are in between. I just don’t know how comfortable we should feel denying people who absolutely do experience zero attraction to the same or opposite sex just because a lot of us fall in the middle of the spectrum. I get we have to overcome bi-erasure, but the solution isn’t denying heterosexuals or homosexuals actually exist.
More likely what is going on here is that living in a homophobic society causes people to repress their feelings and refuse to acknowledge them or what it means, so a lot of men end up being “men who have sex with men” rather than “gay” or “bi”, like OP.
Thanks for your comment, I don’t know what you’re talking about, but let me tell you that I specifically know that I don’t feel any attraction to my friend other than the affection of friendship. Maybe what I wanted to say was not clear, but I do it for the money, my problem is that I don’t know if my friend does it 100% for the money like me and if one day we would get to the point where I fuck his ass, that is something that he genuinely likes because he is bi and he was the one who offered it to me, my problem is that if he likes it and if he falls in love with me that would change our relationship.
Hi OP, I’m not really going to question your experiences here - I just think you should also know that 100% straight men are not comfortable having any kind of sex with other men, whether they feel attraction or not (I can only think of extreme counter-examples, such as male rape in prisons where straight men might have sex with other men, but this is usually situational and due to no heterosexual outlet being available).
I understand if you film sex with a man for money (there are absolutely straight men who have sex with men for money), but that doesn’t explain why before then you seemed to choose to engage in sexual encounters with your friend without a motivation like money and seemingly because it was sexually pleasurable.
To me it reads as though, even if you don’t feel romantic feelings for your friend, there is some level of comfort and enjoyment you are getting from sex with this man, and from my perspective that is not compatible with being 100% straight.
But as has been said before, it hardly matters whether you identify as straight, gay, or bi - you just need to be clear with yourself and with your friend to avoid hurt feelings.
I understand what you say and I partly agree, but I would never do this with any other man, I do it with my friend who I have known for 5 years and only in the last 2 years we have started doing these things. And yes of course I feel enjoyment and pleasure, to any man, even the one who is 100% heterosexual, you blindfold him and tell him that he is going to receive a blowjob and he enjoys it even if he later finds out that the one who sucked his cock is a man and contrary to what you claim, enjoying it is not going to make him lower his percentage of heterosexuality, I think that measuring sexuality with % is ridiculous.
Being gay doesn’t mean that you are a man capable of having sex with any other man, any more than being straight means as a man you would have sex with any woman. Having and enjoying sex with a man as a man is kind of the definition of being gay, however. That you have sex only with your male friend doesn’t make it not gay, hopefully this is obvious to you. It doesn’t really matter that you have known him for 5 years and only for 2 years have you had sex, what makes it not straight sex is that you are both men.
I’m a bit confused as to why you think these objections somehow make it not gay, if you think about them at all you can see they don’t make sense. Surely if you imagined your friend were telling you these things you would be able to see this a bit more objectively.
And yes, if you blindfold a straight man and he enjoys being blown by a man, it doesn’t make him gay - correct, but he is also not aware he is having sex with a man. You are notably not blindfolded, you are knowingly engaging in sex with another man as a man and enjoying it. You don’t have to be in love or to feel romantic attraction for sex to be gay, what makes it gay is that it is between men.
In the case of the blindfolded straight man, the sex with a man would be non-consensual and likely if they ever learned it was a man they would probably feel lots of negative emotions and feel violated, and indeed it would be a major violation. Meanwhile if you wanted to avoid consent problems and a man consented to being blind-folded and having some chance of being blown by a man, you would think that man is maybe not completely straight because he is willing to chance sex with a man.
When I say 100% straight it isn’t because I am focused on percentages, but because it is relevant to the discussion that there are different levels of straightness and gayness, and that there absolutely are straight men who are not capable of engaging in consensual sex with men. Meanwhile there are bisexual men who are mostly still straight, i.e. they are not equally attracted to men or women, but as men are almost entirely still attracted to women.
I don’t think it’s ridiculous to recognize this variance, and it seems directly relevant to our discussion. And I’m not the only one who finds these distinctions relevant - look for example at the Kinsey scale, which is the main way researchers describe the sexuality of test subjects. A Kinsey scale of 0 is exclusively heterosexual and 6 is exclusively homosexual. A 0 on the Kinsey scale is what I mean by “100% straight”, and a 6 is what I meant by “100% gay”.
A 1 on the Kinsey scale is someone who is almost entirely straight, but is “only incidentally” homosexual. The idea is that a man that is a 0 on the Kinsey scale would feel extremely violated to learn they just had sex with a man, whereas a 1 might be more capable of accepting that even if they are predominantly straight still.
It absolutely makes sense that a 1 on the Kinsey scale might still identify as straight (men especially seem to be pressured to identify as straight still), since for the most part they are, but there is still a relevant difference between a 0 and a 1.
Yes, if you tell a man he’s going to get a blowjob from a woman and then it’s a man, that is rape, but if you just tell him he’s going to get a blowjob and don’t specify, I don’t think it’s rape. Do you think if a 100% heterosexual man took off the blindfold when he was close to climax and saw that it was a man, would he get up and leave? Or would he keep going until he came? I think absolutely no man would leave.
I think a 100% heterosexual man would be horrified to discover a man sucking him off, and he would absolutely stop the sex and not continue. In fact I think this would likely lead to violence, and these kinds of situations do lead to violence, as evidenced by the gay panic defense. Straight men are more likely to kill the man blowing him than let him finish.
I think you have projected your openness to sex with men onto straight men, which probably helps you rationalize and preserve your straightness. If you think any straight man would have similar openness as you to having sex with men, then you can continue thinking you are completely straight. However, straight men do not have sex with other men, they do not want to have sex with other men, and they would be horrified to learn they were tricked into sex with a man.
Also, if don’t specify to a presumed straight man who will give him a blowjob, and the man agrees assuming it will be a woman but then finds out he is having sex with a man, that straight man will likely experience that as rape. The consent rests on the assumption that you aren’t going to violate certain boundaries, one of those boundaries being that a man is not having sex with him. Most straight people would not feel the need to specify this boundary, the heterosexual nature of sex is assumed.
I understand what you’re saying about the spectrum of sexuality, and yes, it makes sense. But I also think everyone knows where they stand, and in my case, I’m comfortable identifying as heterosexual. What I do with my friend is more of a practical and trusting thing than something that defines my orientation.
Yes, we’ve talked about how this might affect our relationship, and so far it doesn’t seem to be an issue. He knows that for me it’s more of a transactional thing, and I know that for him it’s something he genuinely enjoys. We communicate well, and that’s what’s important.
Thanks for the encouragement! And haha, I don’t know if the link can be posted here or if it’s considered spam. 😉
Truly sounds like a literal friends with benefits scenario. As long as expectations are communicated and agreed upon I don’t see a problem at all.
friends with benefits? we only do it 1 or 2 times a week to record videos, it’s not something we do in private without recording when we’re horny to satisfy our needs, i must say that when we do it, we both give our best in the act and we both enjoy it, we talk about it and our rule is that if we’re going to do it we both have to have a good time. but the idea of fucking his ass seems too much to me, i’ve never fucked an ass, it was always pussies and that seems something more intimate to me. i was talking to him and i brought all this up, he told me that he enjoys everything he does to me as if it were casual sex and that that didn’t change his feelings towards me and anal sex shouldn’t change them. i realized that we have a similar persoective, i enjoy him jerking me off and sucking my cock and the fact that i like him didn’t change my feelings of friendship for him. He told me that he understands me because I’m straight and he proposed the idea of having intercrural sex first and then if I feel comfortable doing it through the ass. What do you think?
Honestly? As a 55 yr old gay man it comes across as kind of insulting that so much emphasis is put on our sex acts and what crosses lines of intimacy and such. I’m exhausted from decades of being viewed as other or not normal or wrong just for being me. I’m personally not that into anal either way - giving or receiving. I’m much more about mutual satisfaction, particularly oral. Anal is just another choice at the buffet. The fact that people stress so much about the particulars of gay sex keeps us alienated and fetishized in a negative shameful way.
Well, it affects me because it’s at my work and on my roommate, lol.
