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That’s me… We are 3 siblings. I was “the good one”. I was always responsible and dependable and they always said that “I grew myself up” because they never needed to care about me.
Fast forward to the present, my relationship with my parents is basically them being two complete strangers to me. They never cared about me so I never developed any kind of bound with them to the point that I don’t hate them, I simply don’t care about them more than I care about a stranger.
Apparently, this makes me the bad person because “you should love your parents”.
Well excuse me if I am autistic so my way of loving is different to yours and on top of that, you made me grow up thinking that a parent is just the figure you live with for your childhood with no actual bound.
If, according to them, I grew up being so well behaved that they never had to praise me or tell me I was loved or I was a good kid… what the hell do you expect from me now?
I’m not even autistic, and I’m also stuggling to keep in touch with my parents because we never talked, on the account of both of them being programmers.
It’s not that we don’t have a good relationship, or don’t want to keep in touch, it’s just that we never really talked, all spending our time at our PCs most of my childhood, and now I simply struggle to keep in touch with anyone, even with people I want to be in contact with. I never had to message or call someone, and I’m too anxious to do that, so I simply never do it, unless someone contacts me first.
It sucks, but I’m slowly learning to break out of that. Still, I see my parents only like twice a year, since christmass and birthdays are the only time they contact me.
Yup, essentially raised myself to the point I would see them once a month and now are surprised that I’m not particularly invested
This comment is really loud.
Apparently, this makes me the bad person because “you should love your parents”.
I hear this so often from people with shitty unlovable parents and always feel the need to counter it.
Hopefully you know this already, but that definitely does NOT make you a bad person. Not every parent deserves their child’s love and a bad parent/child relationship is, most of the time, the fault of the parent.
I had the same childhood and now I’ve got NPD and people literally call Me a demon. Someone tried to curse Me a few days ago.
Exactly what my wife always tells my kids what her parents said about her. She thinks she was a good kid because she never did anything to upset her parents ever. she does not understand that that is not normal and that her parents did not care about her more than a roof above her head and food in her belly. She was emotionally neglected and that’s part of the problems she has today.
I don’t blame my parents, because my mother was terminally ill, and my father was suddenly the main provider and caregiver for three generations and six people, including himself. They did gush about how adaptable I was, and how I taught myself how to ride a bicycle, not realizing that that’s not what kids should need to do.
As an adult, I am very unhappy when plans change (unless it means I don’t have to leave the house), and I’m very unadaptable in the short term, though I am a well integrated immigrant, so I guess I’m pretty adaptable in the long term. To be fair, my chosen country has a culture that I’m a lot better at adapting to than that of my home country, barring the staring and greetings in waiting rooms (I’m an autistic American with a special interest in languages living in Germany).
I didn’t even realise this had a negative aspect, but from quickly reading around it a bit, some stuff makes a bit more sense.
My dad didn’t beat us. Maybe a slap on rare occasions. But the yelling and emotional/mental abuse was bad. My mom and I would wait at the window to see him coming home so we would be ready to make sure he’s in a good mood or gets what he needs right away.
Now he wonders why I don’t call or want to connect. He’s much better now, but he was not a good dad when he was at his lowest.
Ha I literally overheard that from the other room when I visited them for Father’s Day last week. The topic was shitting on my cousins.
I was a good kid because I didn’t want a beating when I got home.
And your parents help tank your relationship with your siblings because your parents keep comparing them to you.
