When I was a teenager, I found my dad’s porn stash, and it was the weirdest fucking thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

I don’t remember the whole thing, but I do remember at one point there was a woman at the orgy who was like, “Why won’t anyone fuck me? Somebody come fuck me!” And a robot showed up with a dildo attached to it and fucked her.

The robot was basically a trash can with wheels, basically an imitation R2D2 made by some 80s tech porn wizard.

So, you know, off-screen there was somebody with like a big 1980s fucking remote control making the robot awkwardly roll backwards and forwards while somebody videoed the actress poorly acting like she was enjoying it.

I cannot get that image out of my brain no matter how hard I try.

You know how sometimes on talk shows or news shows they’ll interview one of those kids who knows literally everything about a given subject? Like for example, they’re just obsessed with vacuums and know like damn near everything about all vacuums? Or trains. Or some other subject?

Well, if you know of them, those people tend to be autistic. And those things tend to be obsessive interests. They’ll know like EVERY fact about whatever their interest is, and they’ll find it very interesting if you don’t feel the same way about whatever their special interest is.

So imagine my surprise to find a video of a man interviewing a woman, and the way it’s set up, it’s like there’s a talk show, and she is just going off, naming just a massive number of facts about pornography and the adult industry and things like that. It’s not like she’s mentally incapacitated; she actually seems very smart. But she is just like THE expert in pornography.

And she obviously understands that she is there to participate in pornography. I don’t doubt that she is an adult and has the ability and the capacity to consent. But it is very clear that she is autistic, and she’s sticking a little too close to the role playing aspect of the video, and it’s clear when the man wants to get to the sex part of the video. But she’s just going on and on about the history of pornography WHILE they are starting to have sex.

I watched a hentai clip when I was too young to be watching those and I don’t know what it’s from and my memory is hazy, but there was a naked woman outside in the snow talking to someone’s picture, like that person had died and she needed closure.

Then she turned to the guy behind her and said “I’m ready now” (according to the subtitles) and there was a jump cut to him holding her up with her legs spread as she peed on the picture.

There’s the parasite slime porn, I don’t really get it. It’s like there’s this white goo that’s supposed to be alien cum that turns woman into sex monsters. I mean they don’t just get horny and want sex, they actually turn into monsters with tentacle and dildo hands or go futi, then roll around in goo and act like they’re having a seizure because they’re soo horny.

Pretty weird, it’s less erotic and more like watching a train wreck in progress when no one is getting hurt but the spectacular mess is interesting.

• pterodactyl orgy
• silent hill nurses jacking a dude off and sucking him under their masks
• vampires/succubi fucking a dude to death
• zombies getting fucked tied down in a living room
• zombies getting fucked tied to a wall
• zombies fucking a woman to death and then becoming a zombie to then get raped by an idiot who gets his dick chomped off when she turns
• clowns, so many dicks in the clussy!
• dude fisting a woman then shoving his bald head up her whooha

probably the worst one I’ve ever seen was an actual snuff where they dismembered the body. that was probably 30 years ago on the early internet.

I’ve seen some fucked up shit man. only thing that really got my goat was the vampires and clowns.

La Blue Girl.

Funny as fuck hentai. Can’t even jerk off to it because it’s funnier than it is sexy.

It’s about a couple of female ninjas that fight bad guys with sex. Their pussies are so strong, they can cut your dick off if you penetrate them.

A video where a woman puts a tiny camera in her pussy to show what it looks like when a man has sex with her and cums inside. Weirdly educational but also kind of hot seeing her insides get flooded with cum.

It’s been… ages, so I don’t really remember it well. It was definitely porn with animals, and not like… a ‘normal’ (because god knows it ain’t normal) animal like a mammal. I remember searching for weird stuff on the early internet when flash animations were still blowing everybody’s minds, and there was some sort of preview of someone stuffing something that I can’t quite remember now into some hole down there. It was either a snake, multiple snakes, or an octopus.

I don’t know if watching a 30second or so preview counts as watching it, but damn are there weird people out there.

Clowns getting slapped with pie in face, which I found very very weird.

A cartoon of an orc fucking an amazon.

Flest Gordon, the first one. Though more R rated, but man was it a trip. First time I saw it was at around 3 years old (parents thought it was Flash Gordon, but I know they had to stay for quite a while, because when I watched it as an adult, the robots with dicks was quite a ways in. That plus the god Nesuahyrrah (Harryhausen backwards) was at the end of the movie.

Now, as for actual porn. It was sneaking into my dad’s tapes and there was two I can remember. A man dressed as a chicken having sex with pizza delivery girls, and another of a gal tying her…erm…lips into knots with a window washer going apeshit watching her through the window. O_o.

Now, a weird one, but one my favorites I think on the same tape, a bell boy behind a curtain fucks a gal anally as she sings on stage in front of a crowd.

Man, that had to have been around 1986, O_o, as VHS tapes were not that old.

There is someone called the vore girl, and there’s just videos of her wiggling inside of bags/muppets, pretending to be eaten.

It is so funny really.

There was a weird old site with fake like tentacle penises through something like a glory hole and every scene ended in like firehouse style cumshots. Very obviously fake throughout, but at a particularly weird and horny moment it worked