Not helped by South Korean guys being, on average, pretty sexist and not having much stamina.
According to my friends, and thin hotel walls on occasion.
Well, I am a reasonable guy (I think and hope. The global bias often makes me question myself twice) and have been on dating apps. They were all pretty silent for me. I think being not showing and interested, nothing will happen on there especially for a guy, because women are occupied by guys that are bothersome and one of them might seem fine. That is the reason why I left dating apps again. It’s nothing but a meat festival and the fight for who gets the meat… The strategy between men and women is just different. Men are the bothering ones and women need to choose (which is no different than on parties or even in primitive cultures actually but it’s all a statistics, so it doesn’t count for everybody). But I don’t want to bother other people, I dont even want to waste my energy for that. So I just moved away again, because I am an outlier.
the worst part about dating apps is you can be as charming and attractive as you want, if you don’t pay no one will see you. pictures of me and my pets being adorable should have at least gotten me one cat lady but it was like I was in another universe by myself. bumble will give you the same 2-3 “matches” within 48 hours that you can’t see unless you pay.
I’m an elder millennial and I remember when I could give a girl my number, tell her I think she’s pretty and want to chat, then walk away. it was successful because it’s non-intrusive. I didn’t stand around to press them. they knew what I looked like and the ball was in their court to decide what they wanted to do. how do we get back to that? I’m terrified of becoming an internet post now if I approach someone.
my ex cheated on me with a married man who had a pregnant wife and she is thriving even though she can’t keep a relationship. she just goes on these apps and it happens with no effort. meanwhile Im progressive, have a good job, own property, financially stable, I adore my family and pets, I’m traditionally attractive, and it’s freaking crickets unless I pay. a relationship cant be founded like that. I’m not paying for a partner. I want to be desired because I exist as I am.
at least I get to make a cuddle puddle with my cats and dog every day so my heart is full.
to any other dudes struggling I’m with you, I can’t help, but you aren’t alone. just keep being good people. that won’t help you find anyone but at least you can say you aren’t garbage.
My main evolution in the past decade is I don’t blame women anymore. I just blame toxic social culture and predatory dating apps.
Men and women are playing fundamentally different games when on the dating apps.
Even unattractive women can go from clearing out their inbox to having 30 or 40 likes/swipes in a couple of hours, with basically no effort required on their part. If they are conventionally attractive, that number goes way up. Eventually, they’ll run dry of the pool and it will slow down significantly, but there will always be more men cycling in over time. It’s easy and effortless, but unfortunately it’s not all rosy for the gals. There’s a serious lack of quality in the hordes of horny men. If your objective was just to hook up with someone, you could easily reel in the most handsome guy who swiped on your profile, but if you want someone who is husband/partner material, you have to separate the wheat from the chaff, and that’s hard to do when opening the app sometimes feels like a chore, even if it gives you a confidence/ego boost.
For men, on the other hand, it’s mostly a numbers game. Sure, you actually have to try when you do match with someone, you skim their profile and look for something to hook onto and cold open hoping that they notice and appreciate that you took the time to read about them rather than just belting out “ey bby u want sum fuk?”. But you can’t get too attached to any one potential match - not getting a response or getting ghosted is quite common. Attractive men do not have it much easier, since there’s so much noise in the system that unless you are that person’s type, or an absolute unicorn, you still have to distinguish yourself through conversation and prove you are not a weirdo.
I agree with you though, paying to get your profile boosted, while obviously a good business tactic from the app devs, feels wrong and scummy. When I did it, I rationalized that I was simply paying for the service and it was not just me paying to be matched up with someone, or presenting a badge on my profile that says “I have enough expendable income to pay to be noticed”.
I think we lost something when courtship shifted from real-life engagements to online spaces. Something fundamental to the chemistry of attraction and romance.
Unfortunately I heard the ghosting is actually coming from the app itself. I heard horror stories were the app blocked your messages and such and vis vesa. The app today don’t want you to find someone just keep you on the app.
oh yeah I’m totally sympathetic to women on the garbage men part. an I understand how I’m caught in that net. I don’t lump women in with my ex. she’s an individual. I really wish I would not be lumped in with Andrew Tate. like therapy said I can’t control people’s preconceived notions and I’ll destroy myself if I try.
I know people who don’t pay and do ok on the apps. I don’t know if it’s your area or your profile, but maybe try to get some feedback from women irl or online if you haven’t already. I know a lot of millennial women got off the apps a bit back, so that might also be a factor.
I’m terrified of becoming an internet post now if I approach someone.
For what it’s worth, I’ve generally only seen this sentiment from people who don’t know how to behave around women. Maybe you’re an exception, but most normal guys I know don’t have an issue with that. They may be nervous to approach, but never out of fear of being lambasted online. If this is a real concern for you, I’d suggest reading some of these posts and just not behaving in the way they have an issue with.
my friends group was mostly girls in my 20s until I got into my last relationship. so I’m definitely not one of those guys. I’m also the son of a single mom special ed teacher and I had a sister (who unfortunately died of an overdose). women’s issues are ingrained in the fabric of my childhood. if I can get girls to talk to me I get a relationship or a friendship. I’ve never had anyone cast me out of their life so I know I’m someone people want to be around.
the no girls my age thing is real. I don’t want kids so that cuts out most girls my age that do show up. I live like 30min from a major metropolitan area but it’s in the south so it’s a lot of religious conservatives. we don’t mesh. the girls I see that would be a fit never respond. I know I’m attractive because I had a Myspace fanclub. that’s how I found out my ex was in to me. I’m no Henry Cavill but I don’t hurt to look at.
all the girls that were in my life are married or I lost contact. I’m not messaging a married woman out of the blue to review my dating profile. my family also has a problem with only being positive so there will be absolutely no constructive criticism from them no matter how hard they try. it’s like a disease in my family. the internet has also done a number on me. my ex-cheated on me with a married man who had a pregnant wife back in 2017, I found out in 2021. having someone do that then going on the internet and seeing all the hate towards men really did a number on my confidence. I’ve been nothing but a good person and now I’m viewed as a defacto danger unless someone vouches for me. my fears come from a real place. I’m not imagining all of this and that fear isn’t an “incel” thing. I guess technically I’m an incel. also therapy can only get you so far. I need the community around me to corroborate the positive things I’m being told and there is a disconnect.
I think I just need to start speed dating so that I can actually interact with people. I got jokes and personality. all the good pictures of me doing fun things have my ex in them because we were together for 15 years. so my dating profile pictures are selfies, pictures of me and my pets, and pictures of me being a cute kid. you would figure being a progressive empathetic person would get you at least one match but I guess not.
also I don’t just swipe right on everyone so this is also a preference thing. we both have to match to talk to each other so it’s a mutual thing. I probably have a bunch of girls on these apps attracted to me that I’m not attracted to. they are probably going through the same feelings I’m going through.
it’s definitely not a “women bad” situation and i refuse to lower my filter. I’m not dating a MAGAt just to be in a relationship and I’m not going to parent anyones kids.
I’m going to keep trying though and one day I’ll find my diamond. we will watch cartoons on Saturday mornings and shower each other with snuggs and hugs.
so it’s a lot of religious conservatives. we don’t mesh.
I had the impulse to reply to
meanwhile Im progressive, have a good job, own property,
with a mocking
that’s your problem!
and it turns out that it is your problem. /s
Edit:
Turns out you are conservative:
and I’m not going to parent anyones kids.
I guess I’m an elder millennial now. Got the greying hair and all.
I had pretty good success on the dating apps without paying. Location is a big factor. But also, as the saying goes, “the bar for men is in hell”. I think just having a reasonable conversation and caring about her put me a tier above the average.
Of course, the apps are profit seeking machines that don’t especially want you to be happy. They can work, but they’re not trying to.
I’m pretty sure the apps algorithm didn’t think I’d click with my partner. It feels very much “pretty close”, like they wanted me to have a few dates and move on. But to everyone’s surprise we really got on, despite things that superficially looked incompatible.
I’m an IT guy and the algorithm is definitely pushing for profit. I know it’s all manufactured struggle. I just need to find some way to interact with strangers that’s socially acceptable. I don’t drink so… yeah I’m not going to be the sober guy at a bar picking up drink women. could you imagine the optics of that!? I can’t approach them in public at all either anymore. I used you give girls funny “business cards” that had my info on it so we could talk if that wanted to. that shit worked like magic. I would never do that now because I’d eventually become a post about being pathetic by a clout chaser. I don’t need my contact info on the internet for everyone to see.
I think just having a reasonable conversation and caring about her put me a tier above the average.
That’s assuming you get to the point where you are having a conversation.
True. Having some reasonable photos and sending a good first message helps with that. Ask your friends of your desired gender to look at your profile. (If you have no such friends, maybe work on that, too.)
Some people just write “hey” and that’s a really poor strategy. Write something that plays off their profile.
Also don’t spend too long chatting on the app. Initial exchange, like 1-3 more volleys, clear any deal breakers, ask them out. You want to get in person so all the normal human things like body language work for you, and the siren song of new matches is somewhat muted.
If you’re in SK then you gotta go see this
I appreciate how your posts are immediately recognizable, even before seeing the username.
Hell I don’t even have to use CIA powers to spy on Violet, I just check her shit posts and I know what(who) she’s doing and where she’s at
Inside you there are seven wolves
oh my God, take them out!
….brazzers
I came here smiling, yet you made me chuckle.
Which of the wolves are you? Sure not the sheep
Obviously the one going for armpit action at top right
Hm or the meme is just accurate but she’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
Or three wolves in a trenchcoat
The art is pretty cool, who made it?
If I remember correctly, tinder has way more guys than women. From everything I’ve read it’s not worth using for most guys. In general dating apps suck (or so I’ve heard).
Just curious are you South Korean?
You’re talking about the IRC messenger?
No I’m using IRC as an acronym for “If I remember correctly”
That’s IIRC. Using IRC for that confuses us nerds. Don’t.
Ah yes I had a typo. Edited.
no, i’m Swiss
For good looking women I don’t think it will be very different anywhere else.
Got anyway to separate the chaff from the rod? 🤣
Oooooh, cool meme template!
