I couldn’t learn this in teenagehood nor early adolescence so I have to learn it now. I don’t want to go into details of my upbringing, but think about a kid living on the streets, growing up only knowing war and survival
Whatever makes you happy is time spent constructively, wanna play games, time well spent, wanna read, still well spent. Dont burden yourself with the ridiculous optimizing yourself philosophy so many self help people adhere to (unless thats what makes you happy).
Yes I agree 🙈
I just try to follow my passion, which in 70℅ is computers. I “waste” plenty of time with activities that are not productive, but when the obsession hits, I’ll spend weeks in coding or leaning a new skill. Personal development involves time you just fool around with your hobby.
Curious that you typed c/o instead of %. I don’t even know his to type that on a keyboard lol
Lmao, typing from phone keyboard and found the wrong symbol. Didn’t even know this existed.
If you’re talking about free time outside of work, just do something you enjoy. Time enjoyed is time well spent. If you’re talking about work, maybe work related stuff lol
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This is WAY too open ended, dude.
Ya gotta give us something to go by. Do you have money to spend on a hobby? What are you into? Do you have a specific goal?
Without that info, I’d say watch documentaries and how-to videos on YouTube. There’s so much trash out there, but there is also an enormous amount of great stuff.
You don’t always need to be doing productive/constructive things. Rest and leisure are valuable too. But if you insist, I suppose the first step would be to come up with a list of goals you want to accomplish.
Thankyou, my internal child agrees. I’m exhausted. Since a couple months I have a job for the first time where I feel safe, which is awesome.
I’m sad that I’ve never been able to play, like I don’t even know how.that is … I wish I could also have emotional memories of playing like a kid on the playground
Of course you’re exhausted, you must have worked extremely hard to find that stability. I’m truly sorry you were not able to enjoy play as a child like all people deserve.
Play is something humans do to regenerate and learn. It’s still a very good thing for you to learn to do now, maybe even one of the most constructive uses of your time - you have already identified it as a gap in your experience and that you’re tired.
Was there any play you wanted to try as a kid but weren’t able to? It could be a team sport like football, or drawing, or chess, or building, anything. Collaborative, solo, competitive, or all of them. Now is a great time to learn to play and to rest, and it will do you good even if it’s not currently something you consider ‘constructive’ right now. You can even help other kids in your community with similar experiences while you do it, if you like.
Good luck! It will feel weird and new at first, but there is a lot to learn from play and you don’t need to be a kid to get the positive effects.
You could make that a goal. Go sneak into a playground (after hours, ideally in a non-creepy manner) and swing on a swingset. Or go to a dog park and run around with some puppies. Also ideally in a non-creepy manner.
Or maybe don’t take my advice. I feel like I had one good suggestion and the rest are all bad.
Maybe a pick-up game of basketball? Or try to get real good at shooting free throws on your own?
Do you have any creative outlets? If not try anything, paint, music, whatever speaks to you. It’s a great way of expressing yourself.
Ok a question this broad needs a Maslows hierarchy of needs ranking.
First is the basic needs. It sounds cliche but take care of yourself first. Cook and eat good food, including liver.
Exercise. Sweating it out really does help you physically and mentally.
Therapy. Sounds like it will help.
Read to expand your mind. High on my recommended list is “how to win friends and influence people”.
Get new experiences. It doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive, just random things are part of life’s learnings.
Cook and eat good food, including liver.
This seems oddly specific for Maslow.
Thankyou.
I think this one and two others help me the most right now
Before I start, you don’t owe anyone any specific way to spend your time. Don’t feel like you need to spend time constructively. It’s ok to do nothing.
That being said, reading is always good, or you can pick up a hobby to develop new skills. It can be anything from knitting to woodworking. Life is packed with shit you have to do that you don’t necessarily want to. If you have a choice, pick something you enjoy. It’s ok to drop something you don’t enjoy. Sell or give away whatever supplies you bought, and find something else.
Some good answers here already, if none of that suits you, you can always clean and tidy up wherever you live.
Thankyou, yes
I really think this is so much closer to the real answer (as in perfect for you given what we know). You didn’t really say much about your life, and that’s ok, but I’m going to assume you basically always had something you had to do it you’d go hungry or be in serious physical danger. Or maybe you were with a group of other people and when you had leisure time you got wasted or spent it as a group, not really doing anything, just glad to have a break from the hustle and trying to fit in so you didn’t get your ass kicked.
What you need to do here is think in terms of circles.
Your first circle is your living quarters. I don’t care if this is a prison cell or a fancy mansion, you need to end the day with the areas you use a lot tidy. Clean kitchen, bathroom presentable to someone you care about, bedroom not full of dirty clothes laying around and clean ones not put away.
Get some podcast or music going and start walking through the places you can control. Pick up and throw write out garage, move other stuff to its real home (a place for everything, everything in its place). Use a Lysol wipe to clean the visible parts of sink and toilet. Empty overflowing garbage cans. Tidy the kitchen, go to bed with the dishes done.
That’s your inner circle. Wait until this is a habit. You can do it with your eyes closed now.
Now, you are ready to do fun stuff. You can enjoy without subconsciously thinking you don’t deserve that fun.
What you do here is up to you but exercise is always an option, as is cooking. If you love to chill, maybe schedule tv time. Don’t just sit down and spend thirty minutes scrolling. Keep a list of shows, movies, and docs. Watch those when you can. If you like to read, make a reading nook. If you live to run, keep your running clothes folded and ready to go so you don’t have to waste time finding you clothes etc
Now your circle can grow. Think about your future. Plan things in advance like maybe a trip to an attraction tourists normally visit in your city. Schedule it and do research on how to get there, what to do, stuff nearby to check out.
This teaches you to take yourself seriously and shows you that you can plan and execute on your own.
Now maybe a little more long term. Would you like to get a promotion at work? Maybe get your driver’s license? Start saving long term (even a few bucks a paycheck adds up)? All these things are possible. You need to plan. And execute.
I’ll stop there because I don’t know enough about what you really want. Just what you said about you background tells me you never learned to think long term.
No one taught me that either, so I get it. I grew up in a really good home and safe environment and still never learned how to make a todo list out think long term. I worked as a cook in high school and after for several years and lived one day at a time. It wasn’t until my health forced to into a new career that I learned a lot of these skills.
This is a beautiful comment.
Read books.
Masturbate
I said constructive
And always try to beat your previous record.
Priority 1: are there any things that will be less good if I don’t take action immediately? (Bills due, hungry, out of groceries, bad feelings)
Priority 2: …if I don’t take action soon? (Cleaning up, planning transportation, mending or replacing clothes, setting aside money for future expenses, mental health and recreation)
Priority 3: is there anything I could improve by making plans or making repairs? (Finding a better job, moving to a better home, repairing/improving your current home, investing in current/future relationships)
Priority 4: what could I improve long term? (Education plans, strategies for improving standard of life)
Remember, even though recreation is part of priority 2, don’t let it stop you from addressing priorities 3 and 4. Also remember that friends are an advantage, they expose you to new ideas and points of view, they can help you in times of stress and trouble, and they can help you relax and have fun. Invest time in friends and then continue to invest most in the ones that invest time in you in return.
It sounds like you’re looking for a hobby. It’s normal to feel like you have no “thing” to do, that’s why people do hobbies. My advice would be to pick out 3 things you’ve never done before and go try them. If you like one stick with it, if you hate them all try something else. Most people will not be world leaders or have a global impact but you can make a meaningful impact on a smaller hobbiest community. My 3 reasonably low cost suggestions are 1. Rock climbing (there are gyms everywhere if you Google, find one that is doing a discount night or other event and go) 2. Biking (contact a local bike shop to see if they do community rides, they may even let you borrow one of you don’t own a bike) 3. Book club ( if you have free time it’s easy to read and chances are the club is more social then talking about the book)
If you want something specific to work towards - build a personal website. Buy a domain, I use namecheap. Use Github pages to host it. Start simple, single index.html file with your name on it. There’s definitely a YouTube tutorial somewhere. You can learn to style it, or just leave it as-is. You can write a blog, publish recipes, or whatever on it. Plus it can be something you can put on your resume next to your email address
More stuff:
Bake cookies
Listen to an audiobook or podcast
Go hiking or take a walk. Or ride a bicycle
Write a short story
