I eat a pretty high protein diet which has the side-effect of giving me really big ones. Sometime my farties exit my anus with such turbulence that it feels like they could do damage. After multiple decade of farties and lots of other wear and tear, could ripping huge ones give me fissures?
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In Soviet Russia, fart rips YOU!
Is this still a relevant meme? Sorry, I’m old.
Eh, it could’ve been funnier if the OP had a communist/socialist/soviet-themed username
+1 anyways for the attempt, as they say, A for
EA(?)ffort, or something
Get yourself one of these
The whistletips? That’s for that WOO WOO.
Seriously speaking, sometimes its fun to let it rip forcefully but you should probably allow to escape naturally to avoid aforementioned torn bungholes.
Having acknowledged that, 10/10 thread - your prose is rythmically pleasing and we coupd all always do with a poop chuckle
The problem as I see it, is that I seem to have a volumetric flow rate akin to a whoopie cushion. If I try to let it out slowly, it’s the difference between a foghorn and firecrackers. It’s as if I need a muffler.
Careful or you’ll blow an o-ring!
I think he’s more worried about his a-ring.
You’re the doctor here, Dr. Wesker. You tell us!
Once you hit 40 stop doing that otherwise there’s a very high risk you shit yourself. Especially after alcohol and/or coffee
We’ll need some audio to say
Bonk
You can’t share audio here.
Video it is then!
Or smells. 😢
If you’ve had a fissure in the past then enough violent farts could reopen it. Also if you’re taking anything that makes you more prone to tearing (certain medications usually) there’s a risk.
If neither of those apply to you then you should be fine.
Is there a tactic I can use to minimize the damage? I’ve tried spreading cheek, but that seems to just pull everything taught and results in more explosiveness.
Basically don’t strain as much as possible. Let 'em slip out as they will.
No but you’ll inadvertently release the T-Virus, Dr. Wesker
I imagine if you have enough fiber, you’re fine. I could definitely see issues if you already have low fiber issues and then go to rip a huge one, it could feel unpleasant. I’ve spent approximately zero minutes in medical school, but I imagine it’s like stomach ulcers and spicy food. It won’t give you the problem, but it can aggravate an already existing problem.
Farties… I wish humans would die off.
You don’t have farties every now and then?
As the self-proclaimed world champion farter, my answer is no. However if you live in a small house of appartment, you may want to open a window or two to avoid damage to non-reinforced windows and don’t have any lit candles in the house.
You make them sound adorable when you call them “farties”
In my house we call em flappers
(But also im pretty sure the answer is no?)
Really gotta be careful, I’ve shit myself doing that.
