Running on the assumption this is authentic and heterosexual, Anon’s parents massively dropped the ball creating an adult with no will to fly the coop. But then to cut them off cold turkey is totally fucked up. Anon is now permanently 15 years behind their peers. Not to mention zero retirement savings. That compounded interest takes 30-35 years to really start to matter. But Anon gets to miss out on 15 years of that, too.
My wife’s cousin is in a similar situation. She never left home or got a job or a driver’s license because she was always too scared, and her mom always let that slide, since she didn’t want to make her daughter scared or uncomfortable.
She thought her job was to protect her daughter from all the stresses of the world until she was ready, but failed to understand that she won’t be ready until she’s experienced some of those stresses in a controlled environment like most kids do when they’re in their teens and their parents push them to get a job and a license.
It came from a place of kindness, but ended up being a major mistake that now both the kid and the parent are paying for.
I knew a girl who had been “homeschooled” by her super Christian mom. Thankfully, the indoctrination didn’t take, she was intelligent, but wasn’t given the education she deserved. Moreover, she developed anxiety and would take ages to leave the house for planned events. Turns out that by babying her and never pushing her boundaries, she never learned that critical inner-push that all of us who’ve ever woken up and been like, “Ughhh, I don’t want to go to school/work today” have spent years overcoming. That sense of, “Well, I’ve gotta do it, so let’s just get up and get it done” didn’t develop, as she was allowed to just stay in or sleep or whatever instead of learning to tolerate the discomfort.
It always bugged me when parents treat their offspring as if they’ll forever be children, instead of treating them as future adults. These stories are the inevitably outcome of that.
A big reason why the western idea of every single person should always leave home and start a new household is fucking retarded. Its not the right fit for everyone. Hell its objectively fucking stupid in the VAST majority of cases. Many do it any ways for various reasons. But the whole normality of it being “the only correct way to live” needs to fucking die.
Sure, but being independent is still an important general life skill. You can rely on other people under normal circumstances, and that’s certainly not a bad thing, but there will always be scenarios in life where you need to figure things out for yourself. If you’re paralyzed with anxiety when that happens, that means there’s a skill you unfortunately were unable to learn that is now causing an issue.
And in these multi-generational homes what you see is the kids accepting the conditions based on them becoming the providers. I feel the comment is this is not happening.
Again, assuming this has any basis in reality, I think it’s likely that the parents have made many attempts to get the guy to change before and this is the last resort. They probably didn’t wait 38 years and then one day just decided “this is it”.
Even worse they raised a kid with no will to fly the coop AND they rejected a intergrated multigenerational house hold.
Most cultures on earth and for most of history you lived with your family your entire life, or moved to another house hold. To start a new household was abnormal.
So you either need to raise your kid to the new standard to want to stand on their own and start their own household. Or you embrace the old and stay together and create a multigenerational household.
Having to “beg dad for money when I want a pizza” doesn’t sound like someone being coddled, it sounds like someone who’s been told a thousand times to get a damn job and move out. Plus they’re not even kicking OOP out immediately, they’re giving them until their birthday.
This situation may sound ridiculous, but I’ve got a cousin over 40 in essentially the same position. Never worked a day in her and still lives with her parents. No one really knows what’s going to happen when they pass, but no one appears willing to let her live with them. Myself included. Not that i’vd be her first choice anyway. I live half way across the country.
Its not “cold turkey”, because hes had 15 years to work on it. If he hasn’t, then it’s kind of left over Turkey from last weeks thanks giving which has already been re-heated several times.
The best time to kick him out was 15 years ago. The second best time is now.
Yeah time to kick him out was when he was 20ish +/- 1 year.
Since you get a very good idea by that point if that adult is able to take care of himself. I have 3 people in my life (2 cousins, 1 family friend). Who are in that exact situation. I knew even when they were 20 that they’re not given the right skillet to ever be independent. And have no motivation to be independent on their own. Now they’re all in their 30s. I always their parents talking to my parents about how to make them independent and refuse to still cut them cold turkey.
I mean parents fucked up for sure, but it’s not too uncommon unfortunately. All I ever remind those parents is, I will not help someone who isn’t trying to help themselves. I’m not even close to them. But 2 out of 3 have tried asking me for money.
Yeah, even when I was on good terms with my father I knew that as soon as I finished schooling there was a timer on how long I was allowed to stay with him, and it certainly wasn’t years. Like a week or two after graduating college I moved in with my now ex
How’s the state pension over there? Here in the UK its pretty good, if you have paid off your house anyway. I would be richer than I am now from working if I had a pension but no mortgage.
If you also had to pay housing then it could be kinda rough, but I have lived alright on less.
State pension, in the US? A laughable concept. Best anon could hope for is Supplemental Security Income (SSI), a program for people who are disabled, are unable to work, and have never worked. There’s a lengthy application process involving clinical records of the disabling condition, not everyone who applies is approved, and the maximum benefit is about $950/month, relegating you to extreme poverty forever
It’s also worth mentioning that you have to reapply for disability benefits regularly, justifying yourself with several page paper forms every time. Even people with permanent disabilities have to reapply, as if the nerve damage from an accident or the congenital condition they were born with might suddenly go away. My girlfriend can’t write more than a few lines before the pain from her disability makes it too difficult, and they expect her to fill out what is practically a small pamphlet by hand every couple years. If it were at least a digital form, she could use speech-to-text to help her get through it, but as it stands she needs somebody else (last time it was me) to hand-write her answers.
The hoops the government puts out for disabled people to redeem benefits are straight-up cruel. They really want people to just give up, not apply at all, and… I dunno, just die, I guess?
I’m sorry your girlfriend is having to go through that. I gotta be honest, I’ve never heard of someone having to reapply for benefits unless their benefits were turned off, either due to incarceration or failure to utilize their money so it piled up in an account until they had too many assets and were disqualified from the program. Also, all the correspondence for this benefit is typed and printed, I’ve never heard of anyone having to hand write anything. This is in reference to SSI (Supplemental Security Income).
The government totally puts up all kinds of blocks to obtaining SSI though, most people genuinely cannot do it themselves due to the complexity of the process
The forms state you must reapply every year and do so promptly or risk not getting benefits. No matter who you are or what your disability is (except maybe the terminally ill?). At every turn they remind you not being prompt enough may result in a delay or outright rejection of your application.
All of the handwriting together probably amounts to a 1-1.5 page paper/essay equivalent with freeform questions about the disability, background, what you can/can’t do, a detailed description of what you do day-to-day, doctor contact information, etc, and they’ll just call you for it again later when you already detailed everything in the application itself. And yeah, this is all mailed to you after the online application process that can take a couple hours.
It’s pretty awful, even considering how bad bureaucratic process can be.
£700/month without a mortgage to pay would be great. Its comparable to what I was earning from an apprenticeship when I first moved out once adjusted for inflation…
Sorry, you’re going to have to pay for housing too lol.
Oh, and if you work just a little, your benefit is decreased by the amount you earn, and if you earn more than $2500 in a year, the benefit is totally taken away.
Running on the assumption this is authentic and heterosexual, Anon’s parents massively dropped the ball creating an adult with no will to fly the coop. But then to cut them off cold turkey is totally fucked up. Anon is now permanently 15 years behind their peers. Not to mention zero retirement savings. That compounded interest takes 30-35 years to really start to matter. But Anon gets to miss out on 15 years of that, too.
I really hope things work out in the end.
My parents made sure to give me a will to fly the coop by making sure I couldn’t fucking stand to be around them
I almost think OP’s situation with 20 years of enablement is worse because it offers a persistent safety net, then rips it away
Is this a phrase I’m unaware of? Or what does his sexuality have to do with it?
It’s an older 4chan/internet meme where everyone calls an original post and the poster “fake and gay”.
Ahh got it, thanks for clearing it up!
My wife’s cousin is in a similar situation. She never left home or got a job or a driver’s license because she was always too scared, and her mom always let that slide, since she didn’t want to make her daughter scared or uncomfortable.
She thought her job was to protect her daughter from all the stresses of the world until she was ready, but failed to understand that she won’t be ready until she’s experienced some of those stresses in a controlled environment like most kids do when they’re in their teens and their parents push them to get a job and a license.
It came from a place of kindness, but ended up being a major mistake that now both the kid and the parent are paying for.
I knew a girl who had been “homeschooled” by her super Christian mom. Thankfully, the indoctrination didn’t take, she was intelligent, but wasn’t given the education she deserved. Moreover, she developed anxiety and would take ages to leave the house for planned events. Turns out that by babying her and never pushing her boundaries, she never learned that critical inner-push that all of us who’ve ever woken up and been like, “Ughhh, I don’t want to go to school/work today” have spent years overcoming. That sense of, “Well, I’ve gotta do it, so let’s just get up and get it done” didn’t develop, as she was allowed to just stay in or sleep or whatever instead of learning to tolerate the discomfort.
It always bugged me when parents treat their offspring as if they’ll forever be children, instead of treating them as future adults. These stories are the inevitably outcome of that.
A big reason why the western idea of every single person should always leave home and start a new household is fucking retarded. Its not the right fit for everyone. Hell its objectively fucking stupid in the VAST majority of cases. Many do it any ways for various reasons. But the whole normality of it being “the only correct way to live” needs to fucking die.
Sure, but being independent is still an important general life skill. You can rely on other people under normal circumstances, and that’s certainly not a bad thing, but there will always be scenarios in life where you need to figure things out for yourself. If you’re paralyzed with anxiety when that happens, that means there’s a skill you unfortunately were unable to learn that is now causing an issue.
And in these multi-generational homes what you see is the kids accepting the conditions based on them becoming the providers. I feel the comment is this is not happening.
Again, assuming this has any basis in reality, I think it’s likely that the parents have made many attempts to get the guy to change before and this is the last resort. They probably didn’t wait 38 years and then one day just decided “this is it”.
yeah, this is likely more a case of fighting/ignoring mom and dad and them finally bringing down the banhammer.
or maybe mom and dad want to fucking retire… god forbid! since if he is 38 they are most likely 65+
in that case you arrange for a bachelor apartment for the guy. hes a human being after all.
Calm down, pal! I’m sure mum will bring the tendies soon.
Even worse they raised a kid with no will to fly the coop AND they rejected a intergrated multigenerational house hold.
Most cultures on earth and for most of history you lived with your family your entire life, or moved to another house hold. To start a new household was abnormal.
So you either need to raise your kid to the new standard to want to stand on their own and start their own household. Or you embrace the old and stay together and create a multigenerational household.
To do neither is objectively abuse.
How are you reading it that way?
Having to “beg dad for money when I want a pizza” doesn’t sound like someone being coddled, it sounds like someone who’s been told a thousand times to get a damn job and move out. Plus they’re not even kicking OOP out immediately, they’re giving them until their birthday.
I mean it is obviously fake, but still
This situation may sound ridiculous, but I’ve got a cousin over 40 in essentially the same position. Never worked a day in her and still lives with her parents. No one really knows what’s going to happen when they pass, but no one appears willing to let her live with them. Myself included. Not that i’vd be her first choice anyway. I live half way across the country.
probably end up homeless
No point in saving. The climate is fucked and we will unironically die in the water wars.
I think this year’s summer really drove that home
Its not “cold turkey”, because hes had 15 years to work on it. If he hasn’t, then it’s kind of left over Turkey from last weeks thanks giving which has already been re-heated several times.
The best time to kick him out was 15 years ago. The second best time is now.
Yeah time to kick him out was when he was 20ish +/- 1 year. Since you get a very good idea by that point if that adult is able to take care of himself. I have 3 people in my life (2 cousins, 1 family friend). Who are in that exact situation. I knew even when they were 20 that they’re not given the right skillet to ever be independent. And have no motivation to be independent on their own. Now they’re all in their 30s. I always their parents talking to my parents about how to make them independent and refuse to still cut them cold turkey.
I mean parents fucked up for sure, but it’s not too uncommon unfortunately. All I ever remind those parents is, I will not help someone who isn’t trying to help themselves. I’m not even close to them. But 2 out of 3 have tried asking me for money.
Yeah, even when I was on good terms with my father I knew that as soon as I finished schooling there was a timer on how long I was allowed to stay with him, and it certainly wasn’t years. Like a week or two after graduating college I moved in with my now ex
You’ll never make it without a good skillet
Skillet is the secret of a good life
How’s the state pension over there? Here in the UK its pretty good, if you have paid off your house anyway. I would be richer than I am now from working if I had a pension but no mortgage.
If you also had to pay housing then it could be kinda rough, but I have lived alright on less.
State pension, in the US? A laughable concept. Best anon could hope for is Supplemental Security Income (SSI), a program for people who are disabled, are unable to work, and have never worked. There’s a lengthy application process involving clinical records of the disabling condition, not everyone who applies is approved, and the maximum benefit is about $950/month, relegating you to extreme poverty forever
It’s also worth mentioning that you have to reapply for disability benefits regularly, justifying yourself with several page paper forms every time. Even people with permanent disabilities have to reapply, as if the nerve damage from an accident or the congenital condition they were born with might suddenly go away. My girlfriend can’t write more than a few lines before the pain from her disability makes it too difficult, and they expect her to fill out what is practically a small pamphlet by hand every couple years. If it were at least a digital form, she could use speech-to-text to help her get through it, but as it stands she needs somebody else (last time it was me) to hand-write her answers.
The hoops the government puts out for disabled people to redeem benefits are straight-up cruel. They really want people to just give up, not apply at all, and… I dunno, just die, I guess?
I’m sorry your girlfriend is having to go through that. I gotta be honest, I’ve never heard of someone having to reapply for benefits unless their benefits were turned off, either due to incarceration or failure to utilize their money so it piled up in an account until they had too many assets and were disqualified from the program. Also, all the correspondence for this benefit is typed and printed, I’ve never heard of anyone having to hand write anything. This is in reference to SSI (Supplemental Security Income).
The government totally puts up all kinds of blocks to obtaining SSI though, most people genuinely cannot do it themselves due to the complexity of the process
The forms state you must reapply every year and do so promptly or risk not getting benefits. No matter who you are or what your disability is (except maybe the terminally ill?). At every turn they remind you not being prompt enough may result in a delay or outright rejection of your application.
All of the handwriting together probably amounts to a 1-1.5 page paper/essay equivalent with freeform questions about the disability, background, what you can/can’t do, a detailed description of what you do day-to-day, doctor contact information, etc, and they’ll just call you for it again later when you already detailed everything in the application itself. And yeah, this is all mailed to you after the online application process that can take a couple hours.
It’s pretty awful, even considering how bad bureaucratic process can be.
Are you able to figure out exactly what benefit this is for? I’d be interested to hear. It’s def not SSI
£700/month without a mortgage to pay would be great. Its comparable to what I was earning from an apprenticeship when I first moved out once adjusted for inflation…
Sorry, you’re going to have to pay for housing too lol.
Oh, and if you work just a little, your benefit is decreased by the amount you earn, and if you earn more than $2500 in a year, the benefit is totally taken away.
So there is no incentive to get a part time job? Lol, what a dumb system.
It also goes away if you marry someone
It’s not dumb, it’s intentionally designed to hurt people