Your early relationship with your caregivers sets the stage for how you will build relationships as an adult. Your attachment style shows how you relate to other people.
You’re definitely right that attachment styles are learned - we develop them based on how our caregivers treat us early in childhood (and they get more pronounced if we get treated the same in adulthood by our partners and friends).
Disorganized attachment can be seen in terms of having two very polarized parts: one badly wants to connect with people and the other is terrified of what that connection might bring, thus pushing people away. I wonder if you can relate to that.
I relate and from the the disorganised parts, I feel that I am developing more into someone wanting to connect with people with a sub component of being terrified of what that connection might bring when I feel like I get too close.
Probably is very conflicting but I guess I have become like that as a defence mechanism of trusting people and that trust being broken a lot as I feel I have trusted people too naively before and people have taken advantage of that.
In response I have probably adjusted to be more open to people to find a connection, have tried to cut back to slow my over-share tendency, tried to be aware of the context and those that survive the “weirdness” I feel guilty that I cannot be a positive influence on their life and would try not to burden them
I guess I have become like that as a defence mechanism of trusting people and that trust being broken a lot as I feel I have trusted people too naively before and people have taken advantage of that.
That makes sense. It’s hard to maintain trust in people if someone takes advantage of you. I hope you continue to move toward connection because humans need other humans.
You’re definitely right that attachment styles are learned - we develop them based on how our caregivers treat us early in childhood (and they get more pronounced if we get treated the same in adulthood by our partners and friends).
Disorganized attachment can be seen in terms of having two very polarized parts: one badly wants to connect with people and the other is terrified of what that connection might bring, thus pushing people away. I wonder if you can relate to that.
Thank you for your reply,
I relate and from the the disorganised parts, I feel that I am developing more into someone wanting to connect with people with a sub component of being terrified of what that connection might bring when I feel like I get too close.
Probably is very conflicting but I guess I have become like that as a defence mechanism of trusting people and that trust being broken a lot as I feel I have trusted people too naively before and people have taken advantage of that.
In response I have probably adjusted to be more open to people to find a connection, have tried to cut back to slow my over-share tendency, tried to be aware of the context and those that survive the “weirdness” I feel guilty that I cannot be a positive influence on their life and would try not to burden them
That makes sense. It’s hard to maintain trust in people if someone takes advantage of you. I hope you continue to move toward connection because humans need other humans.