Hey Folks!
I’ve been living abroad for over half my life in a country where tipping is not the norm. At most you would round up. 19€ bill? Here’s a 20, keep this change.
Going to the US soon to visit family and the whole idea of tipping makes me nervous. It seems there’s a lot of discussion about getting rid of tipping, but I don’t know how much has changed in this regard.
The system seems ridiculously unfair, and that extra expense in a country where everything is already so expensive really makes a difference.
So will AITA if I don’t tip? Is it really my personal responsibility to make sure my server is paid enough?
My view is: I don’t like this cultural element, and I am glad that I live in a country without it. But if I am a visitor from abroad I would not resist the local culture and try to impose my own values. If I am aware of this cultural element and I dislike it, my options would be to either avoid restaurants and other tipping situations as much as I can, or simply account for the tip when making my financial decisions, and pay it.
If I live in the country then it is different, because then I am more entitled to be a driver of change. Personally, my approach would be to support businesses with explicit no-tipping policy, and to refuse receiving tips myself.
No one can force to tip and as Americans we hate the tipping culture too.
Sort of — there are definitely restaurants which include gratuity, either for all parties or for parties greater than X people (e.g., 5 or more).
You’re right in that nobody can force you to tip, but it’s part of the unwritten rules for eating at a sit-down restaurant. By not tipping, you’ve said that you don’t care about the agreement you’ve made by sitting at the table.
It would be like saying “nobody can force you to stop cheating at Monopoly.” While technically true, you’d still be an asshole if you did it, because you’re breaking the unspoken agreement that you made when sitting down to play.
One of the best answers so far, thanks! I’m not a foreigner, but I’ve been gone for over half my life, so it certainly feels like it. Coming back it always a culture shock.