I’ve already ran the gamut on jokes about Dicks.
Wanker is solid. Ballbag, a personal favourite Bellend, but you may have that already. Shitebag, Scottish one Useless as a chocolate teapot
I was in Malaysia once and a got chatting to a guy who didn’t have the best English. He asked me for another way to say “I’m only joking” and I taught him to say “I’m only having a giraffe”, which he managed in broken English (“Having a jee raff”) I hope one day he says that to an Englishman and confuses him thoroughly.
I’m having a Steffi. I’m having a bubble.
Fuckwit is a traditional insult that I have found is often quickly taken into new arrivals hearts. My guess is, this is because it unites two words with very old IndoEuropean roots.
My personal favourite is “blithering idiot”.
Numpty, plonker, twat, div, pratt
Smeghead Or cockwomble.
“Cockwomble” definitely gives off the impression of having looked up how to sound like a Brit on the internet! Big fan of smeghead though.
Introduce them to the Muppets.
The use of “You Muppet(s)!” is one of my favourites.
(It effectively means “Adorable/endearing idiot”)
I feel like if Peter Capaldi called me a Muppet I would not take it as “adorable” and more like “twat”.
- Spanner - idiot
- Weapon - idiot
- Muppet - idiot
- Nesh - wimp/soft
- Snide - Nasty/Evil/Cunt
