dumb ( stupid ) : missing the sense in talk ( Sometimes get the sense when re-thought later )
I do most daily routines and has good relationship with known persons. But, the dumb feeling pulls me back ( eg: “not creating” new friends , not getting another job/getting out of comfort zone )
What do you “passively” do to overcome this ? Else , what are the active tasks you do?
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Ok. Any online courses or videos you recommend
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Try talking about it with other people. Most folks will admit that they have the same problems. Remember, it’s just as egotistical to say that you’re the worst person ever as it is to say you’ve never made a single mistake.
Dude,
Missing the sence in talk( Sometimes get the sense when re-thought later )
You are waay smarter than you thought.
Lol Your brain is collecting more information than it should.
People blubber, and most don’t even remember what they were yapping about!
Edit: mentally elevated people often diagnose themselves. It’s safe to say “trust your instincts, they are probably right” except for the dumb part :)
Agreed, there’s a degree of introspection here that most “dumb” people don’t have.
I know I'm stupid so I am must be smarter than you -Rehab, Rattle My CageI think I’m dumb. I’m just amazed at how fucking stupid so many others are.
This is my bane. I’m so tired at how stupid most people are. How little effort they put into things or how unwilling they are to think through a situation. Nuance is lost fully. Debate is typically two people saying things at one another rather than actual dialectics.
I’m fucking tired. Humans aren’t worth the effort.
Yeah, most people are. Some have the luxury of not thinking of it or have lower self expectations.
Edit : Listening to rattle my cage :)
Good question imo!
I feel dumb on a regular basis but for various reasons. Sometimes I dont get what people mean, sometimes I just take on things that I dont yet grasp. Both are very different situations imo.
Things I did to change this included: watching/reading about reasons for this, talking to others about it, talking to a professional about it, writing down my experiences and trying to make sense of them.
All of these things helped me, over time. Nothing was instant. Today I still have moments like this but I feel better because I understand why they happen and what I can do to live a healthier life.
Thanks, that consistency is what I am missing . I used to write notes. But what-if-others-see-my-silly-notes feeling also there.
Understandable. “If they comment negatively on it, you have learned they are not your friends” is what I learned from situations like that.
It’s hard to accept oneself with flaws and quirks but its worth it. Embrace it and as long as you dont infringe on others freedoms, live it to the max. Being weird is awesome.
Feel dumb? I am dumb.
That’s a clever joke
This may get long, but it’s good info. Please bear with the length.
Honestly OP, I feel like based on how you’ve worded things that this may be a result of anxiety (symptom or disorder, couldn’t tell you). Important note: if this is an ongoing thing, you may have trained yourself to ignore it.
First, some background: Feeling stupid can happen because when you feel anxiety, your frontal lobe (where you think) turns off. Anxiety is a form of fight or flight, and when that kicks in, your amygdalas (base of brain) block off the thinking part of your brain.
To your points:
-Missing things in conversation and catching them later often happens when you’re back to a safe place and you come out of fight or flight and your frontal lobe turns back on.
-Not making new friends, because social is new or “work” to meet new people. If you’re feeling anxious you’re not going to have the energy to want to do that. (You kinda mentioned this by not wanting to get out of your comfort zone).
-Passively, the steps are hard to give in a general sense. Usually I’d suggest you’re pushing too hard in your life or (maybe accidentally) ignoring triggers. Actively, there are grounding exercises for anxiety, but they are only a bandaid of your life is constantly pushing you to high stress.
-You made a comment about making notes but not wanting to feel silly. Feeling like you’re being watched or judged can also be a symptom of you’re anxious.
I am not a therapist but I have an extensive amount of psychology research and years of therapy that I have gone through for several things including anxiety. Feel free to message me if you want to dig in more! If you don’t, I would recommend a counselor to help dig into your situation either way. I can’t express how helpful it can be.
First, some background: Feeling stupid can happen because when you feel anxiety, your frontal lobe (where you think) turns off. Anxiety is a form of fight or flight, and when that kicks in, your amygdalas (base of brain) block off the thinking part of your brain.
TIL, thank you <3
This one paragraph explained a lot for me why during my anxiety attacks I feel like I cannot do anything. I gonna try to rationalize this information next time it triggers. Recently I had good results with doing long walks (compared to my sitting life) with doggo.
I find it helpful in two ways - when I already got an attack I go with him to stop. This one is kinda coping mechanism to get away from the trigger.
Other thing is I started to make it into my routine to go on longer walks, and during them I explore some topics I find uncomfortable and it makes them less threatening than when I sit at home. The goal is to get accustomed to the feeling, take it in environment that is safe space to explore it. I want to be able to identify it and then maybe could teach myself to react differently, instead of crippling myself.So first off, I’m so happy that you found my comment helpful! This is a hobby but I am working to be a professional in the field so that’s a huge compliment to me!
Next, good job listening to your body! This may also surprise you, but for years we have found that “forward motion” (meaning working towards goals or overcoming obstacles) is therapeutic. However recently, it was shown in a study under Standford University that literally forward motion (i.e. walking) medically, measurably, calms nerves relating to stress! The mechanism is called optic flow, and I’ll leave a link for the study down below if you want to geek out with me.
So anyway, what it sounds like is that the natural calming nature of walking (optic flow) is being used to combat stress coming from stressful topics while you process them. It’s pretty cool what we com up with when we’re honest with ourselves about how we feel. Great work!
Easy to read article: https://scopeblog.stanford.edu/2020/06/03/setting-your-biological-clock-reducing-stress-while-sheltering-in-place/
Research paper: (sorry for the monster link, it’s a paid paper if you don’t have the referral from Scientific American) https://www.nature.com/articles/s41586-018-0078-2.epdf?sharing_token=p2UzdMPooyCx94wCmteRk9RgN0jAjWel9jnR3ZoTv0N7LNPtyt24kJUb6fcoG7oz5k1aLZNMW5HRMMzeNl4Rw5jrMEG6mGGD30qcY4221bnbNhRUVP8a-1cSgXlo7Gyhg2HiZ3fuhFE2wvVLmBJzHQQM5sXoxJVvfmSOXhLHYNcun-6DFm9r79C4sVWdCRXkNVowKUb8yVq_LDC5IKI5r0EhchYvQFWyeXRMcqoIF8VvElqtq8PxX_8xrXFPGwweqluRA-I6X2OpoYyJXDKiF1OlQfJHr_UiLRuCFx57j3g02yzoQEPU3jnwAd2MSIrk&tracking_referrer=www.scientificamerican.com
Thanks!
It took many years to start to know myself, I neglected myself by improperly understanding stoicism that correlated with some mental issues and low self esteem. Many triggers I had I just broke thru with pain, always felt exhausted. There was no sense of accomplishment in the struggle as things I struggle with are normal things for regular people, that’s what I told myself, so I should not make a fuss.
It takes a lot of effort to have compassion for one self.
Thank you for this lengthy reply ! Yes, I do have social anxiety. I do try to break it many times but inherently it is there. Without a very good reason, I will keep it in the comfort zone ( lazyness + anxiety , I guess ).
I may need a set of friends who are not judgemental.
Don’t forget to be your own friend too. If you’re feeling burnt out, your body is trying to tell you something. That doesn’t make you less of a person for it!
Oh my god this would explain so much
Often feel like I cycle between being an absolute fool and being sharp and on point, had never considered that might be tied to being anxious
Feel like I could take over the world if I could control that
I suppose this is what’s behind when people thrust a mic in someone’s face, ask them something simple like “name a woman” and they completely fail to answer?
Absolutely, it’s hard to feel so held back because you know what you’re capable of when you’re calm and feeling safe, but not all hope is lost.
Anxiety (fight or flight) happens when there is a real or perceived danger to self in some way. That could be physical safety, stress, lost of resources like time or money, and so on. You can find a full list of what may feel threatened on Maslow’s Hierarchy (or Pyramid) of Needs (linked below).
The trick is, learning these triggers. They can be tricky because you’ve likely trained yourself to ignore them over the years by trying to push through the anxiety. You begin to train yourself to notice them again by focusing on feelings (as above–physical sensations). The practice of Mindfulness is the name of this discipline. Your body will warn you with some sort of physical feeling before you’re in full fight or flight. It can be tricky to learn this, but it’s a game changer once you get the hang of it.
Freezing people up with questions: yes 100% they’re editing the video to show the people the social anxiety. Not very cash money of them.
Maslow’s Hierarchy: https://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html
Sometimes get the sense when re-thought later
Not quite the same but there is even a term in German for that feeling of thinking of exactly the right thing to say but only once it is too late, it is called a Treppenwitz (literally stair joke), basically when you think of the joke that would have been perfectly funny in context but only once it is too late.
No, I damn know I am dumb.
When I was young, I used to think I was pretty smart. Now the older I get, the dumber I feel.
Speaking generally, I think most people are pretty dumb. Just because somebody thinks they’re smart doesn’t mean they are. We’re also pretty susceptible to propaganda, and carry with us countless biases that we aren’t even aware we have. Generally, humans act emotionally first - often in defiance of logic.
That said, I don’t think people are stupid or anything. Like, we all have talents or passions or fields of study that make us special. It’s difficult to measure intelligence fairly - a mechanic might not do very well on an IQ test, but they’ve still got very specialized training and experience that I don’t share.
Nobody should be belittling anybody for being dumb, it comes naturally to us dumb apes
Nobody will care if you are “dumber” than them. Listening more than you talk is an admirable quality. I don’t judge my friends on their intellect, it’s sometimes fun to have quick thinkers around but slow thinkers can be deep thinkers and sometimes see things in ways I miss.
So, in general no I don’t feel dumb around most people but neither do I feel like I am smart like some people.
You want to gain confidence, it sounds like, yes? Maybe build up some skill at small talk, use that. Most people aren’t walking around having deep conversations with everyone they meet. You can practice small talk at the grocery, at the park, anywhere you are waiting in line. Just have the really short conversations, get used to interacting.
Yes, I do small talk.
Sometimes I want to continue that relation. But, most times 1. I dont remember their face or parts of the talk 2. I just dont actively think about continuing ( Its like I have to put a remainder on that talk - quite dumb ? ) 3. They might be disinterested in the next time ( partly, I believe of silly way of expressing things )
If I understand you correctly what you are worried about is moving that into deeper communication when you want to, and recognizing when it’s appropriate to do that? I think that takes seeing the same people a lot. All the small conversations first. Mindfulness training, like yoga, or even sales training (you don’t have to use it to sell things to people) can help you stay focused and recognize conversation cues better.
Do you have untreated ADHD? You don’t have to answer that - just asking you to consider it because that’s what this sounds like, it can for sure masquerade as anxiety, too.
The best thing you can do if you feel like you’re missing context because of a lack of knowledge, is to educate yourself. Start learning more about popular topics. Read encyclopedias. Consider some general education classes at a community college or adult school.
If you think that you’re missing context because your processing speed is too slow, then you can work on your mental reaction time. There are a lot of fun trivia games that you can play to get used to thinking and retrieving information faster. But the more familiar you are with a subject, the better you’ll be at this. So, continuing your education will help here too.
If you think that your response time is impaired by anxiety, then you can work on overcoming social anxiety. This is probably best done with a professional, and outside my ability to advise upon. I do know that salespeople often talk through common objectives with themselves while looking in the mirror. So you can definitely find resources for getting comfortable with being uncomfortable in the salesmanship section of your local bookstore, or any number of sales seminars available in audio or video format.
Good luck to you! Identifying a problem is the first step to solving it, and you’ve already done that! Asking for help is often the hardest step and you’ve done that too! You’ve got this!
I broke one of the one-of-a-kind dishes my wife’s pottery-making uncle made for her. It didn’t slip- I was just really tired that evening and forgot how many hands I have. Yes, I sometimes feel dumb.
Well did you ever figure it out, how many hands do you have??
Dude, I haven’t had my coffee yet. I’ve got enough to clutch this mug like it was the elixir of life itself and that’s all I care about…
