So. Without trauma dumping, I’ll simply say my dad is a bad dad. What’s a father’s day gift that says “you’re dead to me, but I’m still doing things to keep drama at bay”?
Nothing. Literally nothing. Bad gifts are for annoying close friends, any amount of effort put into a gift for your father would imply that you care what he thinks.
same thing I always give: no contact
it’s more of a treat for myself, really. fuck him
That’s the goal. There’s some drama right now that makes that really hard, but within a couple years that’s where we’re headed.
best of luck. it’s not easy, but it’s worth it.
there comes a point where you realize you haven’t thought about them in months and it’s delightful. Hang in there!
Low value gift card from a local dinner place. So he has to go there to use it and then it’s only like 10 dollars and he has to fork over the rest.
This.
Nothing says “I have fulfilled my social obligation, but I don’t give a shit about you” more than a low value giftcard for somewhere generic.
Alternatively, give him a halfway decent gift and feel better about yourself for not continuing the cycle of neglect, even when he won’t appreciate it. We can make the world better, even for those of us that don’t deserve it, and considering how to make it a better place as opposed to how to get back at the people who make it a worse one is just a better use of our time and energy.
Besides, at the end of the day, truly awful people already live with the worst punishment so could imagine: having to wake up every morning and continue being themselves.
Pure evil.
Make it 20. 10 is too obvious a slight to any onlooker. 20 still won’t cover most mains post-covid after tax and tip (depends on your region and the restaurant of course).
Yeah, I think something like 15 would be the perfect “fuck you” amount for something beyond Starbucks and fast food. Enough to make it worth going, but only really enough for an appetizer.
Or be really horrible and just take one of the 50 or 100 ones for a decent restaurant, and just don’t get it activated. He won’t find out until they try to run it, I think.
This might be the most horrible idea I’ve ever had.
Then he might not understand that it was on purpose. Get one for 50, have dinner there yourself for around 45 and give him the card with the few residual bucks.
Off-brand scented candle set.
It says I don’t know you at all, but here’s your present.
Ooh I like this. Especially since he hates strong smells.
Get something like Bergamont; something so few people actually genuinely like, but smells fancy with a quick whiff. Boring and unexpressive after 30 seconds.
Alternatively, try something like cupcakes or vanilla icing. The kind of candle that would give you a headache.
It’s also practical because the gift is cheap without looking cheap.
I’m sorry to say that I’m speaking from personal experience.
Hm… I wonder if Walmart still has watermelon scented candles. “But dad, it smells just like summer!”
Oh my gosh I had those! They did actually smell good with a quick sniff, but I hated them so much I threw out the rest.
Yeah my wife loved the smell in the aisle, but it got old really fast at home lol
As a bonus, with those cheap candles there’s a decent chance burning them fills his house with toxicity.
Just like him!
Jean Luc just died a little, inside.
This is exactly the opposite of doing things to keep the drama at bay. Just throw it in the fire, forget about it, move on. No gift. No contact.
you’re dead to me, but I’m still doing things to keep drama at bay
To me it sounds like you’re looking for drama
This
Give him nothing
Can confirm, have a bad dad, father’s day passes by without a word every year. That’s a long term message. Last few years I didn’t even realize it was father’s day. If I got him anything it would mean I’m thinking about him
This is the way.
That’s what I’ve been getting my dad. Haven’t heard any complaints from him in years.
A mug that says “Worst Sperm Donor” with an unactivated or emptied gift card to his favorite store.
Nice
You go no contact.
The end.
A short text the day after Father’s Day. Then you did send something, it just wasn’t timely or appreciative.
That said, I generally send my shitty dad a text on the actual day. It usually just says, “Happy Father’s Day, have a good one.” Last year I forgot to send one and then, when I remembered, chose not to.
TL;DR: do as much or as little as you want.
Sixpack of beer? (Optionally alcohol-free, if his bad behavior is related to alcohol abuse.)
That would be especially funny because he’s Mormon, and he’s very upset I’m not.
A “Moroni is full of bologna” T-shirt?
Copy of the south park episode on Mormons?
Cold brew coffee maker. Or porn.
Removed by mod
I don’t want to get too deep into your business but just to understand better what you’re trying to communicate… Please tell me if I get this right: there’s current (not past) drama in your family and you think that not acknowledging father’s day at all would feed into that drama (maybe your dad’s reaction would be “see, you’re all against me” and he’d play the victim or something like that) . On the other hand you also don’t want to pretend everything is right with your father. So you want something to communicate “I don’t want to be against you, but I certainly am not on your side either; I just want to be left alone and talk to you the strictly necessary amount of times”. Is that it?
If that’s the case, yes, the standard-est, humorless “happy father’s day” card you can find, with nothing but your signature in it should convey that message pretty well. If you can’t find anything, just a white one with a handwritten “happy father’s day, [your name]” would do.
Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. I’m trying to stay close to my mom, and she’s desperately trying to hold the family together, so if I don’t do anything, he would play the victim and use my mom’s hurt feelings against me. So I’m most likely going to just do something very generic, like you said.
You’re in a situation you don’t deserve, but you are trying not to make it worse for your mom. I think you rock! I wish you all the best
The cheapest card you can find with and leave the price sticker on.
Price sticker had me amused - I never thought of that!
Another suggestion is to buy a card in a different language. Or if it says Mother’s Day where you don’t even bother replacing “Mother” with “Father”, but that might be a bit too intentionally mean so I would only send this depending on what kind of relationship and trauma that OP has.
What about a difficult plant to maintain? Maybe a cactus or something? So he has to make an effort keep it alive, or slowly watch it die, like the relationship he has with you
Hm… getting him more work, I love it.
But then the plant would die :(
A mimosa is excellent for this purpose. And it’s pretty too.
