I got a COVID infection a while ago that permanently disabled me pretty bad. Bedridden, unable to move much, etc.
The thing that really helped me was relaxing and listening to music. That’s what I spent my days doing as I couldn’t do much else. I became a real music nerd and just loved the bliss of hearing music.
A little later (two years). I got another COVID infection — I was taking very strong precautions, and couldn’t see anyone. It turns out I got it from my doctor. Anyways, this infection caused some brain damage which has caused me to mostly loose the ability to hear. And now I’m still mostly motionless alone in bed, but I haven’t even got the comfort of sound or music. Just a mostly silent (tinnitus filled) world.
I’m so scared of getting covid again. But mostly I miss the world and my old life. Being stuck alone in bed with only the internet for company sucks. People tend to be arseholes online. I can’t help but feel I got “natural selectioned”. Me and my wife were planning on having kids soon. Now I barely see her and I’m going to slowly die in a nursing home. There are specific genetic vulnerabilities to illnesses, and natural selection works with them (see what Europeans coming to America did). And I got fucked here. COVID was my end.
The internet is a poor companion these days. I didn’t even know that covid could do such things to you. That is awful. I’m really sorry to hear about your situation. Are you able to use hearing aids? They’ll change your life for the better. Costco has pretty affordable top of the line hearing aids, respectively. Get an evaluation and find out!
You have had a major loss.
I’m glad you are still with us to share this story. You wrote in such a clear and eloquent way; it’s clear you cared very much about us that you took the time to communicate effectively.
My father is currently in a nursing home (just for normal end of life stuff). He was a deadbeat most of my life and treated his health really poorly.
It’s cruel that he was able to live the way he did and live for so long, while you’ve done nothing to “earn” your maladies; yet, you’re both in a similar situation (except no one wants to go see him, because of him being a PoS for most of his life). You don’t seem like a deadbeat or a PoS, so as far as I’m concerned, you win.
I hope things turn around completely for you and you’re restored back to full health.
I’m sorry for your loss of the lifestyle you cherished. Just a random thought: If hearing aids won’t work for you, you could try feeling music instead of hearing it, while it won’t be the same, sensing the underlying beat could help evoke your imagination again and possibly help you rediscover your favourite tunes and new ones.
Definitely the internet is a mixed bag, with lots of doom and gloom, and more cynical and controversial takes elevated to the top. There are also corners of the internet that are positive, definitely go visit them more. Reading fiction and learning from non-fiction literature may be more of a personal comfort than the internet may be.
It absolutely sucks that this happened to you, I would literary not wish your fate on anybody in the world. I won’t use this to tell my own sob story, but have you tried getting into video games? Most have accessibility features. Get “Factorio” it basically runs on a potato and you will unironicaly forget what the sun looks like. Sound is not important either.
Space Age is right around the corner. I’ll emerge after winter.
Just in time for the Project Zomboid B42 update, and its back to the cave.
I’d wish it on COVID deniers who think anyone who caught it and didn’t die is “fine”. They absolutely deserve that fate.
Nah dog, as somebody who’s experienced only a fraction of soul crushing loneliness and isolation, I wouldn’t wish it on anybody. Nothing makes you feel less human.
Nothing but feels for you friend, that’s rough and I can’t imagine what it must be like. I too am coming to grips with my own disabilities, a spine injury putting me into a wheelchair. Losing a sense on top of everything else you mentioned is horrific.
If I may be so bold, I found a lot of peace, zen and understanding in the book “What doesn’t kill you”. I recently finished and it was incredibly gratifying to read about how other people struggle with life changing medical events.
A week after the government lifted mask mandates here in South Africa the lady who usually helped me at the local pharmacy was dead. She was immunocompromised, and it took just a week of people huffing their breath on her for her to catch COVID and die. Just like that.
I wear my mask religiously whenever I walk into any building. No one is getting COVID because of my criminal negligence.
But it’s not just that. I also wear my mask because I don’t believe people should be allowed to simply forget COVID and all the shitfuckery about our society that it exposed.
Sorry, I know this rant doesn’t help you in any way.
As the only person in my public-facing job to never stop masking, I feel you. Still get random aggression from strangers about it, but will just half-heartedly mention how lucky they are to have not lost anyone personally. Most people I know are missing some family since the pandemic.
There are corners of the Internet still out there where you can find some really great people to hang out with; like 70% of my friend group is people who all meet through online games. We get together in person weekly or so now but still regularly play games together and hang out. I know it’s no replacement for all you’ve lost, but maybe playing games with friends could be some comfort? Or some other hobby or interest group that can be engaged with online?
Knowing anything about it I have to ask… would bone conducting headphones work?
I would suspect they would not work. The damage from Covid appears to be neurological and bone conducting headphones only bypass the mechanical components of the ear.
someone tells you major life altering loss and grief from two years ago, don’t try to offer solutions to fix the problem.
EDIT: yikes, the internet really is a cold place. yall are really a bunch of unsympathetic fixers and know-it-alls aren’t you? have you ever heard of commiseration? the fucking arrogance of those of you who think you can just waltz in with a solution.
So your solution is ‘fuck trying to be helpful, they’re finished, don’t even bother’? As someone who is in a similar situation to OP, kindly eat shit and die. I will happily look into ways to regain my mobility, cognitive sharpness, and retrain my brain to overcome my loses, and I’m sure as fuck others would as well. It’s fucking awful to be effectively chained to a bed or chair, forced to watch your life fade away, unable to do anything. I’m always up for trying new medical tech and therapy methods, and I go back to therapy every couple years to try again, and try new ideas.
To have your state of mind is awful for yourself, but is nothing short of disgusting, hurtful, and distressing for others. Truly, fuck you.
You’re making a ton of assumptions here. Go ahead and be angry. You’re so righteous, you can’t even see what an asshole you’re being to OP.
Do you really think they spent two years confined to bed, stuck online, without learning about potential solutions to their struggle? They come here saying the internet is not a welcoming place, and you just reply with a canned “try this!” solution they probably heard of on month two. It’s your arrogance that you think you can just come in here and save someone. What did you expect? “Oh thank goodness you came along to recommend that, I wasn’t able to Google shit myself”? Notice how OP hasn’t even replied to you??
And so ironic that in a thread where the whole point is loneliness from people being assholes online, you respond like such an asshole.
Who’s the problem here, exactly?
This reminded me that Apple recently added a feature to iOS called Music Haptics that lets you feel the music on your iPhone. It’s not the same of course but maybe it helps out a little.
Theres a thought. There are headphones that transfer music to vibrations that travel through the bones in your head as opposed to the ear canals. Might be worth looking into
Probably not if the deafness is caused by brain damage.
I got COVID related tinnitus, avoiding beans, and certain soy based oils helps slightly, but it’s not consistent.
I stay healthy by doing painful amounts of exercise each day even if it feels like it’s killing me. It often feels like dying, and sometimes makes me very depressed (all my energy going into it, and being unable to think clearly after). But pushing my exercise limits every day, taking at most one day a week off for rest/recovery has helped.
I don’t know your circumstances, or what you’ve tried or can try, but you could look into cochlea implants.
And while nothing about this is ideal or easy, I hope you are able to find your way to heal and rebuild from this trauma. Grieve. You’ve lost a lot. But please don’t give up on yourself (or your wife) quite yet.
Cochlear implants don’t fix brain damage.
That’s just rotten luck. You feel like your life has ended, and I can see why. But it hasn’t. There’s more strength in you than you know, even still.
If you have a favorite song, have you tried going to a lyrics site and imagining the song as you read? It’s not as good as the real thing, but maybe it’s a way to keep those songs alive in your heart.
I’m so sorry to hear that. I don’t really have any advice but you’ll be in my thoughts OP, I hope you get better
🙏
Fucking sucks but it was impactful to read your story. I’m guessing you’re properly deep in the supplement community, but if you want to chat about them lmk
