You could call this a sequel to my last question, but I was genuinely curious. Question inspired by someone I know joking about being arrested for selling donuts to someone who died as a result because they didn’t need junk food.

  • @theywilleatthestars
    link
    702 months ago

    Giving birth is a capital crime, because you’re bringing someone who will one day die into the world

  • 😈MedicPig🐷BabySaver😈
    link
    282 months ago

    Outlaw schools. They provide an education like chemistry or physics which can help people try to get away with murder.

    • Rhynoplaz
      link
      72 months ago

      It’s true! I’ve seen Breaking Bad!

  • Boozilla
    link
    English
    242 months ago

    Rubbing one out lowers aggression, ergo masturbation is now mandatory. You all know what to do here, people.

    • @dustyData
      link
      132 months ago

      Counterpoint: masturbation is genocide and menstruation is murder as it is a failure to bring a life to the world. Therefore everyone beyond puberty is guilty of murder by default.

        • @AndrewZabar
          link
          English
          52 months ago

          Right? Especially the priests
          Oh my god ohmygod I’m going to hell! After I raped those three boys, I masturbated!”

        • ɔiƚoxɘup
          link
          fedilink
          32 months ago

          Oh who are you kidding? It’s no more guilt than we already had drilled into us by doing 12 years on the inside.

  • I'm back on my BS 🤪
    link
    fedilink
    English
    212 months ago

    Obviously, anyone selling guns would be slippery slope murder.

    But, military contractors would be committing slippery slope war crimes, including genocide.

    Gas stations for selling those crack pipes which facilitate drug use.

    Car dealerships would be aiding & abetting. They’d also be involved with vehicular manslaughter, drug trafficking, sex trafficking, …really any trafficking. Add all transportation forms to the list.

    Bars for DUIs and related deaths. Also, child abuse, physical & sexual assault.

    All comms technology, including phones & computers, would be involved in espionage & conspiracy. Internet device manufacturers and ISPs would be engaged in facilitating data piracy & fraud.

    • @fubo
      link
      52 months ago

      Gas stations for selling those crack pipes which facilitate drug use.

      Hey, those paper roses make really cute gifts for your crackhead sweetie.

    • @[email protected]
      link
      fedilink
      English
      52 months ago

      In BC, Canada bars and servers can be held liable up to millions of dollars for DUIs and drink driving accidents when they over-server someone.

      The mandatory government licensing course for all who server alcohol, Serving It Right, makes it clear and even cites an example where a server sent someone home in cab. The person them left their home in their car, and the server was fined.

  • @lukstru
    link
    18
    edit-2
    2 months ago

    Sugar increases the risk of health complications, therefore selling products containing added sugar is assault

  • Rhynoplaz
    link
    172 months ago

    Losing your job increases your likelihood to steal by like a bajillion percent.

    Empty your desk and report to the prison by noon.

  • @[email protected]
    link
    fedilink
    112 months ago

    Charging your phone is murder because coal-fired power plants kill 43,000 people per year (in the US alone).

  • @Soup
    link
    102 months ago

    Oh you’re good at running? Running from what, hmmm…?

    You walk or you die.

  • @fubo
    link
    72 months ago

    I sure wouldn’t want to be in the rope business.

  • Uriel238 [all pronouns]
    link
    fedilink
    42 months ago

    Common cheap field drug tests commonly react to (yield substance-positive results) to other substances such as powdered sugar, human ashes, some foodstuffs and plastics.

    Normally an additional sample is supposed to be sent to a lab for more specific results, but the courts in most states accept the field tests as definitive. A positive result is definitely probable cause, which allows officers to search your vehicle or home and take your money and solvent assets, as per asset forfeiture.

    But yes, you can expect common substances to be grounds for a drug trafficking charge. Is an execution summary (id est, on sight)?

  • @[email protected]
    link
    fedilink
    32 months ago

    Distracted driving is as dangerous as drunk driving.

    The #1 cause of distracted driving is cellphones.

    Cellphones are now illegal.

    • @[email protected]
      link
      fedilink
      22 months ago

      Somewhat related to this:

      Talking on your cellphone while driving: illegal
      Using a hands-free device to talk on your cellphone while driving: legal
      Resting your head against your hand while driving: legal

      Legally resting your head against your hand while driving, and your hand comes in contact with your legal hands-free making it no longer “hands-free”: straight to jail.

  • @[email protected]
    link
    fedilink
    2
    edit-2
    2 months ago

    Education increases the likelihood of earning a higher income.

    Money is used to buy drugs.

    All education is now illegal.