• Admiral Patrick
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    1614 months ago

    Headline: Russian Oligarch Found Dead in Moscow after Falling Out of Window

    “Do you know how little that narrows it down?”

    • paraphrand
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      474 months ago

      “Marked as suspected duplicate, needs more details.”

  • DominusOfMegadeus
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    974 months ago

    You gotta be kidding me. But hey, stick with the classics. If it ain’t broke…

    • @pandapoo@sh.itjust.works
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      4 months ago

      The classics are the point. These aren’t meant to be secretive killings, the signature is the message.

      They would use a different method if they wanted to obscure responsibility, dispose of the body, or do any number of things differently. Because they didn’t, means it was a public signing statement.

      Whether it was intended for one recipient, or many, who’s to say. Either way, you can be sure the intended party, or parties, received it.

      • @FilthyShrooms
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        4 months ago

        I’m gonna start pushing people out of windows and then blame the Russian government

          • @BigDanishGuy@sh.itjust.works
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            14 months ago

            So not the coworker who heats fish in the break room microwave? They’re not rich nor Russian … at least I don’t think so. I better be safe and just do it.

      • @elliot_crane
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        54 months ago

        These aren’t meant to be secretive killings, the signature is the message

        Sure, but would it kill them to spice things up every once in a while?

        • @pandapoo@sh.itjust.works
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          94 months ago

          It’s unfortunate that this method was initially used because it was an intentionally ambiguous method of assassination, whereas now it’s a signature assassination, with only a sprinkling of ambiguity for their local media.

          Just think, if they had started with tragic hot air balloon accident, death by misadventure with a jet ski, or pet bear mauling?

    • President Camacho
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      4 months ago

      That was a grim read. My favorite part:

      Reportedly died by suicide after shooting himself in the chest five times.

      • @NotMyOldRedditName
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        4 months ago

        They shoot themselves 5 times in the chest while they free fall out the window during their suicide attempt and begin to fear it won’t kill them.

  • ms.lane
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    534 months ago

    Oligarch: Putin what is going on with the war? Why are we losing?

    Putin: Oh wow look, an Eagle, just out there, wow majestic plumage, you should come and see…

  • Flying Squid
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    434 months ago

    Windows are just so unsafe in Russia, aren’t they? I’m never getting near one if I ever go to Moscow.

    • @jqubed
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      214 months ago

      Windows are just so unsafe in Russia, aren’t they? I’m never getting near one if I ever go[ing] to Moscow.

      • Flying Squid
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        434 months ago

        I’d love to go to Moscow. From all I’ve seen, it’s a beautiful city. I’d also love to go to St. Petersburg and see the Hermitage.

        But not while Putin is in power. Maybe one day when elections are fair and queer people aren’t oppressed, but I won’t be holding my breath for that happening in my lifetime sadly.

        • andrew_bidlaw
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          164 months ago

          If I’d outlive the gramps sending us to kill and die, it’d be a pleasure for me to show you and other lemmings around. Russia has many sight to see and adore, to fall in love even, mostly in St. Petes as I’m biased against Moscow. If at any point I’d not be persecuted for printing that comment, I’d gladly do it on the house.

          Peterhoff is one of the most popular tourist destinations there if you want to google some photos. A mansion where every room is designed in it’s own royal-tier style to cringe at. And that complex is surrounded with a huge walking park with old trees, marble statues and beatiful fontains, some of them are made to shoot at random from the ground to confuse visitors, all of that sitting right at the shore.

          • Flying Squid
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            134 months ago

            My dad was invited to a conference in St. Petersburg when it was still Leningrad after Glasnost. He was well-traveled, but talked about how the two most beautiful cities he ever saw in his life were Leningrad and Sarajevo. He openly wept when the latter was destroyed during the war in the Balkans.

            • andrew_bidlaw
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              124 months ago

              I hope we’d fucking stop before he’d cry once more at the ruins of Piter. This town still has historical markings about what side of the street to follow and where to hide from the WW2, and still…

        • @InverseParallax
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          4 months ago

          Maybe one day when elections are fair and queer people aren’t oppressed, but I won’t be holding my breath for that happening in my lifetime sadly.

          Yeah, work wanted to send me, but I’m not white and also not suicidal window-proof.

          • Flying Squid
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            64 months ago

            I’d like to go to Kamchatka just so I can tell them that they’re the most useless space in Risk.

            Also, apparently there’s lots of volcanoes and stuff.

        • @jqubed
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          34 months ago

          Oh yes, the avoidance is entirely for governmental reasons. There is so much that would be interesting to see otherwise. Sadly it seems to be a repeating theme in Russian history where some change happens that seems like the ordinary people are finally starting to get some freedom and stability but then some authoritarian gets in power and cracks down on any dissenting views, even minor. I guess outsiders have to catch it during the right window of time.

      • @Scubus@sh.itjust.works
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        4 months ago

        Windows are just so unsafe in Russia, aren’t they? I’m never getting near one if I ever go to Moscow.

    • r00ty
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      204 months ago

      Well. You’d need to avoid windows, tea, people with umbrellas (OK not directly Russian, but soviet era eastern europe), aeroplanes, cars. And if they really want to get you, they’ll go old school and use a gun, or perhaps even a missile if you annoy the right people enough.

      I’d just skip Moscow as a whole personally.

  • Lad
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    334 months ago

    Some day a Russian public figure really will accidentally fall to their death out a window, but everyone will still think it’s an assassination lmao

  • Wren
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    184 months ago

    Was beginning to wonder if Russia still has windows. It’s been a while.

  • @Etterra
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    144 months ago

    Man it’s really easy for Russians to fall out of windows. Maybe they should put a warning sticker on them or something.

  • @raker
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    104 months ago

    SWO - Special Windows Operations, a subdivision of FSB