• Uriel238 [all pronouns]English
    3•9 hours ago

    Caffeine is the same thing. A poison to termites ( HUUUGE BUZZZZZZZ! ) that gives us a rush when we microdose it.

      • @meliaesc
        2•7 hours ago

        If you’re knocking back grams, I salute you.

  • @PugJesusEnglish
    47•1 day ago

    Mission failed successfully - the weird apes now help you reproduce in an ideal environment and protect you from predators.

    • babybusEnglish
      9•19 hours ago

      It’s more funny/sad if you consider how successful chicken are from this point of view.

      • Captain AggravatedEnglish
        1•7 hours ago

        If you want there to be a lot of your species, the best thing to do is become delicious to humans.

        • @chiliedogg
          3•6 hours ago

          Unless you’re a giant tortoise.

          It took 300 years to properly classify them. Specimens never survived the voyage back to Europe because they were too delicious.

      • @sulgothEnglish
        8•15 hours ago

        Symbiosis doesn’t mean both parties are happy about it.

    • @Hobbes_Dent
      13•1 day ago

      ~~Not those coffee beans that are shat out by a goat. Not them. ~~

      So TIL they aren’t real and a similarly but cruelly sourced version is. I guess it still works, but I meant happy-story-goats and don’t like my own joke otherwise.

      Humans suck.

      • Uriel238 [all pronouns]English
        2•9 hours ago

        Just remember as much as humans suck, there’s something in nature doing something as perverse, or as heinous. Sure, we have limited empathy, so are inclined to sometimes know better. But we generally don’t know better enough.

      • @tourist
        10•24 hours ago

        I’m going to suppress my curiosity and not look into whatever you’re referencing.

        I assume it’s like those badgers or lemurs or something 1998 honda civets in Southeast Asia (I think) that are caged, fed and shit out those special coffee beans that tourists just fucking love.

        I hope that was an anti-depressant induced vivid dream memory and not a real memory of something that actually happens.

        • @Hobbes_Dent
          6•1 day ago

          I hear you. My heart breaks every day for everything that ever met us including me.

          So I went to look because I wanted to reply with a feel-good story about a super elitist coffee not made by exploiting goats but rather picking naturally eaten but undigested (berries?) out of shitpiles because it softened the shell or flavoured the bean or something.

          But it’s bullshit. Bollocks. Your story is correct as are its horrors. Thanks for accidentally teaching me something and sorry to bring it up in retrospect. Not sarcasm, I hate shit like that.

          I blame 90s tv and/or whatever the paradox pair of Discovery and History channels peddled.