VOY s6e18 “Ashes to Ashes”
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Janeway: “The recipe called for canola oil so I just substituted two liters of black coffee, I don’t know what went wrong.”
“I’ve done all I can.”
This replicator burns turkey just like dad used to.
The secret to not burning the turkey is simple.
Burn the ham instead.
The toasted honey/sugar layer really sets it off.
Get you a man who looks at you the way Trip looks at pecan pie.
Pictured: Satisfaction
for the record, for anyone struggling to not burn a turkey (probably a little late…oh well.) Turkey’s are almost impossible to balance the time necessary to reach a safe inteiror temperature in the thickest parts without ruining the thinnest.
One way to greatly simplify that, if you don’t really feel the need to have that perfectly-presented whole bird, is to “spatchcock” it. basically you remove the spine and crack the ribs so it lays flat. (you can then remove and carve the breasts etc as normal. stuffing, if that’s your jam, can be made by putting it under the bird.) (also, contrary the video, I’d suggest brining it for a few days- a tub with salty water will do nicely, or you can get all sorts of creative. Salt on the skin takes way longer than a few hours to get in. Just saying.)
Having smoked a few turkeys whole, the spatchcock method has been on my list for a while. Once spent the better part of a day to smoke a 23lb bird. Turned out amazing, but if I can more than half the time, totally worth it.
I smoke a turkey for Thanksgiving every year! By far the best way to do so.
My current method is using one of these which holds the turkey upright, which greatly helps get the dark meat cooked faster. Beer-can turkey/chicken is similar. It still takes forever, but it turns out well. Spatchcocking might be a nice thing to try.
My favorite part of smoked turkey is making Turkey Stock, for soup. WAY WAY WAY better than the actual turkey itself.
I like it, but with a foul of such enormity that I mentioned, it wouldn’t fit within the confines of my smoker. Barely cleared by a 1/4" laying down. Beer-can chicken is always a winner, though.
You can break it down into parts And cook them individually/ in batches
They even easier to cook evenly this way, the the advantage of taking dark meat to the slightly higher temp it prefers.
It takes some practice to look nice, but it’s a great way to save money on poultry if you’re so inclined.
Alternatively, if you look for a Capon, they’re a larger chicken (technically a rooster that’s been snipped, so to speak, rather than a hen.) they’re smaller than a turkey and have a somewhat milder turkey-flavor
These techniques are pretty uniform across birds.
A worthwhile consideration. The bird only stays whole for the cook, but is served carved buffet style.
Large turkeys can be unwieldily for sure.
The solution going forward is simple. Cubed turkeys. Worked for Space Truckers.
Thanks man, I needed this today
Her turkey is just like her coffee.
Replicator muscle memory’ll do that.
Should I change my name to Leola Root?
I wonder how it came out brunt. I know the episode says it was malfunctioning, but that looked like something in the programming was off.
I always assumed it was a loyalty test.
If it were any other captain, I’d have assumed the replicators were coded to provide burnt turkey when people ask for “Traditional thanksgiving turkey”- you know. To give that “authentic” experience.
We know who is at fault.
