I am lucky to get an early start in life to know that you should not please every people, and not everyone will like you. So screw the haters.
What really sucks when it happens, but is good because you need to know that’s who you chose as friends… Is when you go chill alone and they intentionally avoid you to make sure you are known you are unwanted. People look for people they want around, doesn’t matter if you didn’t do anything to deserve it, doesn’t matter if you have no one, what matters is you understand how alone you really are so you don’t think you have people to rely on when all you really have is a bottle of pills. Being alone is something anyone can survive, being abandoned is pretty brutal if you don’t already expect it. So, just expect it.
No, I don’t have a favorite person. I assume others don’t either.
Nope. In the words of Nina Simone. I go where people love me and I stay there cuz they love me.
Are you your own favorite person? If not, why not? What qualities about yourself make you feel like you’re not worthy of being the person you enjoy spending the most time with? If you are your own favorite person, why does it matter if someone else feels like they’d rather spend time with you over anyone else? I feel if you enjoy your own company when you’re completely alone then the relationships you develop with others become more genuine, because you actually enjoy spending time with those people, rather than just being desperate to not be alone with yourself.
I know you don’t actually want people to individually answer. But for me, I’m always making mistakes, never working hard enough, always doing the wrong thing, etc. I try but never hard enough. I fail every day at the things I try to do and get everything wrong all the time…most of it in terms of social interaction.
Now that I think about it, I’m not sure who IS my favorite person (?) Is there such a person at all? Do I need to rank them? I like a lot of people but kind of shy away from the ranking contest
Because I’ve been very isolated and alone all my life, including home schooling, when I’m alone there’s this emptiness inside of me that never gets filled. I get so anxious when I’m alone and have slowly lost the ability to do things to distract myself from it.
Theres a difference between being lonely and alone, I used to be good at being alone but I’ve never been able to cope with being lonely. Life seems pointless without others in it.
But the more you interact with them, the more it’s revealed that people are mostly intolerable and disappointing. So, alone has it’s own merits.
Isolation is painful, I know that very well. There is a vast difference between having no one in your life and feeling incapable of being ok without company. People need community, we are social beings. The best advice I have for seeking friendship is to join groups you have affinity with. If you’re particularly interested in politics, art, music, movies, gardening, anime, 3D printing, TTRPGs, whatever it is you love spending time doing, find people in your area who get together to do those things and try to join them.
If, on the other hand, you have friends and community but still can’t stand the time you spend alone, address what about being by yourself creates that anxiety? What are you getting from constant company that you don’t have alone?
Thabk you for the kind words and taking time to respond.
I’ve put a lot of effort into making friends over the last 11 years, I had a good community and a hobby that got me out and about with people all the time, unfortunately during the pandemic I moved to one of the most socially isolating countries there is, it’s taken me 4 and a half years to make new friends but I have a bunch of friends again, but it just doesn’t seem like it’s enough, it never is. Even back home, with all I had going for me, I spent most of my time alone and felt this way.
The only thing I can think of is that they distract me from the emptiness, when they’re there, the emptiness is subdued for a while.
I’ve been doing tons of introspection on why I feel this way and I don’t know. I have BPD, which makes things difficult. I know that on a Saturday morning, if I haven’t got plans with someone, I wake up feeling like there’s no point in even waking up, my existence serves no purpose besides being there for my mom. I’ve lost interest in my hobbies because of a lifetime of never being able to afford what I need to complete anything, and anxiety and fear of failure has creeped into everything. I don’t even play games anymore unless it’s with someone.
Being alone feels terrifying and so so empty.
Yeah, but I have BPD, and know FPs are dangerous (still want one tho)
French poodles?
Well … That’s not untrue.
French press
Floating points?
Favorite Pixels
why do you need to be someone’s favourite person? if you make it to anyone’s top 10, that’s pretty cool already
I mean, I would prefer to be my partner’s favorite person, but I’m sure there are like 50 reasons that reveals I’m broken inside somehow. Or maybe it was that last part I added.
Every day I go home knowing I’m the favorite person of 2 cats. Here both of them are laying on my lap.
For me it’s my two little dogs who get filled with so much energy when I come home that one does constant 360s and the other serenades me with vocal sounds with her little tail flailing around at high speeds.
I could be completely flat and done with the world untill I walk inside and I’m filled with joy by these 2 little shits.
Cats have good taste!
Yeah…
I feel everyone is more important than I am. Everyone.
Nahhhh bish you are more important than you will ever know
It took me so long to accept this, don’t take as long as I did.
Cheers, mate…
I’m 35… if it’s not something I’ve “realized” yet, I doubt I ever will
always, but I’ve felt this way for a long time
tldr dated someone and felt it was serious and after breaking it off I never looked at friendships the same way
but the good thing is that this was a long time ago when I was young so I’ve focused on myself and ever since my motto has been to live purely for my hobbies and for myself
maybe it’s selfish or whatever, I don’t really care at this point
but friends are cherry on top, in terms of societal structure your family is supposed to be the people who ideally think of you as a favourite
ur
Well, that’s a huge strike-against.
Let me rephrase that. That kid-pidgin will earn heckling, and one’s reaction to that heckling - admit you’re older than 12 and promise to stop, vs really any other response - will determine whether we can be friends. It’s such a low bar.
caring about someone’s way of texting over the contents of their personality is wayyy worse and such a red flag.
NICE SIDEBURNS
THANK YOU, GO AWAY
Arthur my man!
If you’re not 7 people’s favorite person by 11am, you just aren’t putting in the work.
This guy networks.
His links are in.
No. I matter a lot to some people who matter a lot to me. I don’t need to be the most important person to anyone (other than my partner and our kitties; even then, she has lots of people who are more important in different ways, like her mom and brothers and her best friend since they were kids).
Cherish the people who matter to you. This feels like some real influencer-pilled shit.
my wife isn’t the hottest woman on the planet to me and im not the hottest guy to her. My brother is real popular and maybe the favorite person of a bunch of folks. I doubt im the top for anything with anyone but you know. Thats fine. I don’t need to be anything more than I am.
