edit: [email protected] found it after I forgot to save the link: https://answers.microsoft.com/en-us/windows/forum/all/unable-to-install-updates-unless-battery-is/99bb073a-948e-4ccf-b14f-46e192fac457
The entire thread is hilarious.
“I had to remove my laptop’s battery, now Windows won’t update.”
“Are you using a laptop or desktop?”
“I said I am using a laptop without a battery.”
“Please share a screenshot of your device manager, so I can make sure whether or not you are using a laptop or desktop.”
“Fine.” (Posts screenshot)
“According to your screenshot, you are using a laptop, and it has a battery in it. Please charge the battery to 40%.”
“That’s it. I’m using Linux.”
Found the post on the forums. The screenshot omits the comment from Craig who said “I ended up wiping windows and installing Ubuntu instead”.
I found this reply helpful too, and so should you.
Hehe.
Thank you, I’ve updated the post body.
By the way, Lemmy also lets you update the post image itself.
I saw a great one yesterday.
Question: Help, I can’t boot, here’s the error code. I’m stuck in a loop and can’t get into windows.
Answer: Open Microsoft explorer, navigate to…
The Microsoft support forums are on a whole level of their own, when it comes to being useless.
sfc /scannowand the troubleshooting button in the settings do fuck all, and compared to the usual systemd journal, the event log rarely gives you any useful information whatsoeversfc /scannowdoes fix certain problems, just not nearly as many as the Microsoft support forum would like.I do agree with you on the log, although that’s often because whichever component is misbehaving just doesn’t believe in error logs. I’m looking at you, Nvidia.
Are you trying to say that error 43 isn’t the only thing you’d ever need to know about it?
sfc /scannowand the troubleshooting button in the settings do fuck allHey, that’s not true! sfc takes forever to run, so it’s a good way to waste time and get even more frustrated.
DISM /Online /Cleanup-Image /RestoreHealthand pray it fixes everything before you reinstall.It’s at the level where, after spending hours there, I feel like it has to be a conspiracy to waste your time. Because there is no way there could organically be that many posts about a topic without there being any useful or correct information.
I have never had ms troubleshoot button or autofix button ever do anything but return “no problems found”. And yes, I’ve also tried it in every one of those 20 control panels.
Sometimes it makes a network connection work temporarily.
Actually I had an issue where trying to sign into my samba share caused explorer.exe to crash constantly, running
sfc /scannowfixed it surprisingly. Glad that’s on my “these programs only work on Windows” system.
I’m John from Microsoft and I have over 25 years of experience.
Please update your drivers and run run sfc /scannow.
I hope that helps,
John
That’s right, linux is terrible since you have to use terminal. Microsoft doesn’t have terrible things like terminal. Just copy paste these commands into run.
Or then you do find an article that helps but its a registry edit.
With an alternative method involving a page in settings that only existed between may 2015 and feb 2016.
I’ve been running Linux for 4 years, but this still hurts to read
Into Cmd, super commandline or super commandline 2?
I think now it’s Windows Cloud Commander 11000, soon to be re-integrated into your Office 366 account. Elevated privileges require a premium subscription.
I found more help in stack overflow for windows related issues compared to Microsoft.
I’ve never had a case where running that fixed anything. I get it makes sense to verify system integrity but I’m guessing the OS already does that on its own once in a while.
It does when there is system corruption. You first need to find the thing that caused the corruption though
You know, last time I’ve reached the MS forum, there was a support person there answering “No, there’s no way to disable the Teams pop-up that appears over your shared screen when you mute the microphone. Lots of people ask the same question, and the developers have no plans of changing this”.
The answer was complete, helpful, and completely out of the normal for the forum. The only thing more out of character would be if Teams actually had an option to make it work as any sane person would expect, but then, this is not on the forum people.
Seems suspicious. There probably is such an option hidden somewhere. Because whenever you get a clear answer there, it’s invariably wrong.
Well, if you find it, please tell :)
It’s a clear Microsoft paradox: is the support person right, or did Teams do something reasonable?
Ask about a specific error code on a windows forum: unhelpful boilerplate nonsense.
Ask about the vaguest symptoms of a recurring problem on a linux forum: a neckbeard wizard will show up and have you type 30 cryptic commands in your terminal and everything will be fixed.
The funniest part about this is that almost every linux installation is totally different from every other one, whereas every windows installation is almost identical.
But really, I certainly wouldn’t enter any random commands I was given from the internet on a linux machine unless I knew damn well what they did.
Why is Microsoft’s support so completely and utterly useless, anyway? Do they purposely hire people who don’t understand how computers work for their support team? They almost always reply with a “solution” that has absolutely nothing to do with the issue at hand. Why are they so bad at their jobs?
As a user, it seems to me that Microsoft figured out a way to get the customers they care about to hire and pay for their own “Microsoft support” people.
If I have a problem at work with one of those M365 websites I use, or with the Windows partition I don’t, and I can’t fix it myself, the person helping me is going to be a fellow employee and not [email protected].
Because they’re not Microsoft support. Microsoft Answers is a user forum and the “MVPs” there providing “support” are at best volunteers and at worst bots.
My favorite one was an issue with a device not showing up when plugged in, and their solution is to click on it and reinstall drivers
My guess is they oursourced the work to people who only understand basic English and answer the question they were able to decipher from a few keywords and the assumption that the question is about the most basic aspect of those keywords.
This is a huge upside of Linux. When something breaks you can make a web search and learn how to fix it, or that it’s unfixable. On windows you make a search and all you get is this bs and seo article spam
There’s a lot of SEO spam when searching for Linux issues, too.
Nah, arch wiki and forums are good, btw.
or that it’s unfixable
Just out of interest. What are some of these unfixable issues?
Usually hardware support
It is not unfixable. The fix includes writing your own drivers.
HDMI 2.1 with AMD for example.
Also - not just when something breaks? Like, you want to change the color of something, an icon, the default response to a key bind or behavior…. There are so many times when I’m forced to use commercial software and there’s some inane extra thing that is messing up my work flow, and there’s no way to change it.
My Arch machine has only the things I want on it. I don’t have to dig into registry keys to disable Cortana or whatever. When I’m running on poverty hardware, dwm/xmonad are bare enough DEs that I can internet browsers smooth and fast.
Linux will let you do whatever you want as long as you are smart/determined to spend hours googling.
Honestly a month ago me and my friend were looking at microsoft forums. One of which was somebody asking why tiktok was preinstalled in windows 11. Forum admin replied that it was bloat from a manufacturer of the hardware. It was a homebuilt computer and fresh copy of windows 11 home.
28 more people said windows 11 did this by default, the admin eventually realized it was not accidental or a fluke. Which he previously eluded to.
Shows the current state of windows 11
Alluded
I like to think it was a wordplay.
The wordplay alluded me.
They should’ve told them to run sfc /scannow
User: Hi! I’m having a problem. The
sfccommand doesn’t work. Is there a solution to this?Microsoft Support: * panics *
The microsoft forums are the one place that could be fully automatized. You post a problem about anything, really anything. Can’t change wallpaper? Can’t login? Screen flashing? Files disappearing? Constant loud pitched noise? It’s all the same. The answer, whatever your issue, is
sfc /scannow, “Restoration point” and “Reinstall”.And arguably, that last step will most likely make the issue go away, at the price of not having a fucking clue as to what was wrong, losing a lot of time afterward, and having a fair chance of re-doing the same things, causing the issue to show up again. Great stuff.
You forgot the dism scans.
Also launching an update to see if it fixes things.
The most pissing thing is that the Microsoft “support” forum is always the top search result. Sometimes it occupies 5 or more of the top search results.
…but I haven’t had to deal with that since I switched to Linux last year, so…yay!
Semi-relevant xkcd, but replace the last sentence with “Oh, he just wiped Windows and installed Ubuntu? Uh, cool, that works too.”
“What about DropBox? It’s this recent startup…”
Man, sometimes I forget how long xkcd’s been going
Even more infuriating are those messages marked [FIXED] when the freaking post had a negative response or no response at all from the user.
Those forums should be full of endless posts marked [PENDING] or [EXPIRED].CLOSED (Reason: No interaction)
That makes it sound like the fault is on the user side.
When there’s no interaction it’s usually because the user gave up.
The marker should be something that makes it clear that the responses were not helpful.
Saw one earlier today where the “community support” person opened with “please make sure you have applied all Windows updates”. Given that it was a web page issue and I was on my phone I didn’t mark this reply as helpful.
