The two worst people to be in line behind (at least here in Canada) are old men choosing lottery tickets, and old women choosing cigarettes. Neither of these respective parties ever have the slightest fucking clue what they actually want or even prefer. Never mind that they’ve performed the exact same ritual every day for the better part of five decades. It’s as though every instance is a pivotal point in their lives, and it mustn’t be rushed.

Goddesses, I am tired of seeing this fucking turtle

Clerk: “Will you be using cash or card?”

Mitch the Bitch: stares intently at the wall.

Old people love gambling

One day, he’s going to stall at the podium for good, and when he does, the agents and officials will be so terrified of him that they let him stand there brainless, irresponsive to cues and nudges for a solid five minutes while press footage leaks onto the internet.

The federal government will look as ridiculous as a naked emperor and it will be glorious.