• PP_GIRL_
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    449 months ago

    Loud + no smell is funny

    Silent + rank can ruin lifelong friendships

    • @[email protected]
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      29 months ago

      rank silent farts are great, especially if you are in a vehicle and control the windows.

      • @[email protected]
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        19 months ago

        Hit your friends with a “Hey, does it smell like popcorn in here?” for maximum effectiveness

  • @andallthat
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    9 months ago

    there’s an old joke about this:

    man goes to doctor saying “I keep farting, doc; my farts aren’t smelly and luckily they are also silent but I am worried because I fart all day long. Even now, as I was talking to you, I kept farting the whole time”.

    “I see”, says the doctor. “I will prescribe you this pill, to be taken twice a day for a week”.

    “And will that help with the farting?”

    “No, but it should help you with your sense of smell. Then come to see me after one week and we’ll try to fix your hearing”

  • @[email protected]
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    209 months ago

    Pro tip for less stinky farts: shit as soon as you wake in the morning so you’re not carrying bowels full of shit all day pushing fart gas through it.

    Additional benefits include not having spontaneous emergency “oh Lord” moments of needing to find a toilet asap so as to not shit your pants.

    • Zerlyna
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      59 months ago

      The only way I can somewhat guarantee a morning dump is coffee. Are there other ideas?

      • walden
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        9 months ago

        Don’t force it. Some people’s “regular” is every couple+ days. I know a guy who goes after every meal. The food you eat helps of course, and stay hydrated.

        • @qooqie
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          9 months ago

          You should really be going everyday, if you aren’t eat more fiber. Brown rice or quinoa are goated for easy fiber. I personally do a mix of quinoa, white rice, and brown rice that suits my tastes and needs. And if that doesn’t fix it then yeah you might be an odd one

          • @[email protected]
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            9 months ago

            Diet has a huge impact on bowel habits. I go about once every two days since doing keto carnivore.

            When I used to eat burritos and pizza it was multiple times per day.

            Unless it’s causing a lifestyle issue, just eat to your health plan and don’t worry about it.

            Fwiw I still carry antidiarrheal pills with me, just in case, too many near misses from the burrito days

            Exercise can help start the bowels moving. It’ll help with flow. If you work out in the morning you’re more likely to have a satisfying movement.

              • @[email protected]
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                9 months ago

                More or less yes. But just emphasizing the focus is carbohydrates. And eating too much meat in a day can take you out of ketosis, so I’m mindful of that as well. But it’s hard to do

                Some milk is an issue, cuz it has a lot of carbohydrates. And depending on people’s carnivore diet milk might work.

                • @[email protected]
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                  9 months ago

                  Fair enough. Do you dump the benefit of being fully fed, or add other keto food in place?

                  I do zerocarb, which is pretty much carnivore, often eating nothing but steak for a week running, and have done keto in the past. My favourite thing about zerocarb is being always well fed, which makes it easy compared to starving on keto due to difficulty meetings macros

      • @[email protected]
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        29 months ago

        The human body is supposed to naturally initiate a bowel movement first thing after waking, but sometimes we find it inconvenient and disrupt that timing. Coffee can help re-train it when it gets messed up… or when you’re time constrained in the morning.

        I have a job where I can flex poop in the morning, so without caffeine it may happen immediately, and sometimes it may take 30 minutes. Food also stimulates it in the morning.

    • The Barto
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      29 months ago

      I don’t have a choice in that, as soon as I wake up a countdown starts and I better start legging it to the toilet.

    • GreatAlbatross
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      29 months ago

      Always a good idea before a day of traveling. Nothing worse than stress-poops when you’re in an unfamiliar place, with time constraints.

  • @ChillPenguin
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    199 months ago

    Rank farts by far. One time I was at a crowded bar with music playing. When suddenly a whole section of people suddenly started smelling the rankest fart to the point that people were pissed and leaving to go outside. A literal room clearing fart that lingered in a crowded place. That situation wouldn’t happen with a loud fart.

    • @[email protected]
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      29 months ago

      One of my classmates back in school regularly let out the most rancid farts I’ve ever smelled. Everytime, the class was unable to continue for a good ten minutes until the air was breathable again, after opening all the windows and the door

  • @PrimarilyPrimate
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    149 months ago

    It depends on if you are the giver or the receiver.

  • ᴇᴍᴘᴇʀᴏʀ 帝
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    9 months ago

    Like all great comedy it is about location and timing.

    So somewhere you can trap a fart? Great for a stinker, perhaps get one caught behind the door of a supermarket chiller cabinet. My brother used to “cup” people by farting in a suitable receptacle and sneaking up behind them and jamming it under their nose. He still might, although I suspect his wife has probably had words about setting a bad example for the kids.

    If you are amongst family or friends then a real ripper seems the correct choice. Everyone can give it a heart cheer but you are also setting a bar that you are challenging other people to beat.

  • edric
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    89 months ago

    Rank, because it means there’s shit mixed in it. Loud without smell is mostly just gas.

      • @foggy
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        59 months ago

        Oh relax, no one really minds their own brand that much.

  • @over_clox
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    29 months ago

    That depends, whether I’m the giver or the receiver… 💨

      • @over_clox
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        29 months ago

        It depends whether I’m wearing Depends or not, duh.