- cross-posted to:
- nottheonion
- politics
- cross-posted to:
- nottheonion
- politics
It’s like watching a clown show. Maybe he should watch more porn and grow up.
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Wow, that sounds intensely creepy.
everything about mike Johnson is intensely creepy
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Know what I like the most?
Cake farts.
Kids today don’t understand what it means to be cultured
Went to go see Book of Mormon yesterday w/ my wife.
She hadn’t seen it before. I went a few years ago, but she had the flu so I ended taking her brother at the last minute then.
I told her it’s from one of the creators of Southpark, and South Park is a lot tamer now than it was in the 90s. And that it’s on Broadway so it’s high-art. Which might work for a lot of the first act save for the occasional toilet or shock humor. Totally thrown out the window by the end though.
“Visit our sister site, pudding farts…”
Brown queefs.
I rip farts far too indiscriminately for that to be a secret, but I understand the sentiment.
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Me too buddy. Me too.
I know. I have the records.
Ayyyylmao
I read this as your farts are sentient.
I cannot confirm that they are not.
Talking to them does not make them sentient. Good try though
They talk back though
They have an accent, so it’s possible.
Oui.
Yeah, this is even creepier than that Indiana coach who kissed his son open mouthed.
Or that whole Gym Jordan buttsex thing with undergraduates.
wtf? 😳
Accountability sounds creepy??? Okay, y’all are dipshits.
Speaking of creepy, holy shit lmao
Would you be okay if he and his son monitor each others masturbation frequency? Do you have any bar that seems excessive for a father/son relationship?
Yeah, that’s fucking weird. Fathers and sons are meant to compete which is why my dad and I still hold our semi-annual Jerk-off Jam; I’ve won every single one since 2016. All the witnesses at the cemetery can confirm this.
Jesus Christ, Lemmy.
How’s the winner determined? Volume, velocity, viscosity?
Panache and survivorship
Jam
I’d assume taste
You should really use different days than Mother’s Day and the anniversary of your moms passing
Weird assumption. My mom’s still alive, who do you think drives me to the cemetery on my dad’s birthday and the day of his passing? You think I’m gonna be a quitter just because my dad gave me the ultimate handicap?
Hey, have you ever cried so hard that it made jerking off in the cemetery almost seem redundant?
What kind of a fucked up question is that? Of course I have. I only thought it was you mom who died because I saw the two of you in the cemetery and your mom had a hairy back. I know this because I was hiding behind my dads tombstone checking out your moms hairy back while I was jerking off and crying. It’s good to know it was your mom cause I was worried it was gay and that would have been so weird.
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Accountability?
How much porn does your dad look at, and how do you hold him accountable when he comes?
1/10
Made me reply
That’s the best shit I’ve read today lmao
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That headline is… incredibly inaccurate. They’ve pledged to each other to avoid porn, and have software that throws an alarm (visible to each other) if they view it.
“Monitor Each Other’s Porn Intake” implies that they are seeking out porn and sharing it with each other, which is not what is happening here.
I think there are plenty of legitimate concerns here, but father and son sharing porn links is not one of them.
Also, I imagine young Mr. Johnson has at least 1 Android tablet or other burner device that is unknown to Dad.
I mean when I read “monitoring each other’s porn intake” I assumed it meant “monitoring how much porn each other watches”. And considering who it was, I assumed that was for the sake of making sure that they didn’t watch any porn. I did not at any point think that they were sharing porn links with each other, because that’s generally not what monitoring someone’s intake means.
I assumed it meant they each keep tabs to make sure the other gets just enough porn each day but not too much.
Daaaaaaaaad you’ve exceeded your porn allowance for the day and it’s not even elevensies yet! 😠
Now this is the quality sarcasm that has disappeared from Reddit! Stay witty, mon ami!
Edit: this is my high way of saying, “LOL.” 🤣
I, uh… I made the same assumption, but unfortunately it wasn’t sarcastic. I imagined it being like two bros that have an alcohol problem but don’t “believe” in rehab (whatever that means), so they make a deal to check each other’s recycle bins and call each other out when they’re not keeping it under 3 a day.
Intake implies there is some consumption to begin with
Not necessarily, it can also involve monitoring if there IS intake in the first place.
Yes good point. It still seems like an odd choice of word if that was the case though
“It sends a report to your accountability partner.
Depends on what is in that report. If it shows visited links. That would also make it pandering to a minor.
Right, because making your son your porn accountability buddy is an extremely normal and healthy thing to do.
How dare this article make it sound like such a healthy and normal thing is somehow extremely weird and creepy!?!
It’s not like he had his wife holding him accountable for not looking at naked bodies online. That would be disgusting. No, like any upstanding citizen he wisely decided that he’d have it alert his son if temptation ever became too much and he looked at porn.
If only he had a parenting guide so that we could all learn to run a household in ways that will definitely not result in all the kids needing therapy down the road.
Right, because making your son your porn accountability buddy is an extremely normal and healthy thing to do.
It absolutely is NOT, and that was one of the several problematic aspects of this that is not resolved by addressing the confusing language.
Pretty sure the above post is sarcasm?
No, I think it’s completely and undoubtedly serious.
Sarcasm?
What’s that?
No, what monitoring in this context means is to be made aware of each other’s porn INTAKE, or how much is being consumed and when, which the software is said to do. Nothing is suggesting they seek porn out to share content with each other, just that they are alerted when the other accesses porn.
I’d bet youre right about the alternative devices though.
I wouldn’t be shocked to find there’s something to the jokes.
Sexually repressed conservatives usually have freaking weird kinks.
Yeah seriously just be into pain like the rest of us
In any other context, “monitoring intake” implies that the monitored party is consuming a quantity of the thing under discussion, and that the monitoring party is getting a report on what, when, and how much.
You wouldn’t say “monitoring food intake” about someone abstaining from food, or “monitoring alcohol intake” about someone maintaining sobriety. You’d probably say “fasting” or “avoiding alcohol”, or similar language. Such language should have been used here for clarity, IMO.
People on the thread are responding like they are reviewing each other’s porn, because the language encourages that misinterpretation.
I would say “monitoring food intake” means “making sure there isn’t too much”. One can infer through context that “too much” porn to conservative Christians would be “any” porn. Given the context of who the article is discussing, I did not assume they were sharing porn with each other. I have not seen any comments where this was assumed, as well.
making sure there isn’t too much
which implies that some amount is expected, that’s my only point.
Really seems like a good faith effort you’re making there, taking just the part in quotes and making like it was my whole argument.
I’m not sure why the quote is getting you bent out of shape. “monitoring X intake” implies that someone is taking in X (“intake”, definition 2 in Merriam Webster ), and it’s being measured & reported (“monitoring”). It doesn’t matter whether X is food or water or Youtube videos or porn.
It’s just the wrong word here. I’m not saying it’s history’s greatest crime, just a bad editorial decision that leads to confusion.
You’re the only one confused my dude
I want to be this high
“son, i’m going to be fasting from my big tiddy goth gf porn, care to help me out?”
Nope, still sounds fuckin weird my g
Yeah, I don’t really care if it’s none. “Hey son, I know we’re both going to be tempted to look at porn on the internet so I’m buying us an application that sends random screenshots from our computers to each other to ensure we don’t consume any. Please hold me accountable if you see any porn on there.”
Like no, that’s the most charitable and honest version I can think of and it’s still not something you should ask your kid to do. Even if the kid was 40, it’d still be fucking weird. Like you have a wife. Or presumably a church where they’d probably gladly help you with this.
But also why do you need this at all? The whole covenant eyes thing just as a concept concerns me. It’s like if teetotalers had random breathalyzers despite never having drank. AA isn’t that invasive and they’re already addicted. They’re acting not only like porn is the most addictive thing in the world, but like you’re inherently addicted to it for existing.
I just looked into the app being used here, called “covenant eyes” and it seems your interpretation of the phrase is actually more correct, unfortunately that makes the headline even less misleading. You are indeed able to see and review exactly what content was accessed that set off the alert.
If you watch the “How it works” intro video on their site it seems they are literally monitoring and reviewing each other’s porn intake.
Nah, I didn’t read the headline thinking that they were sharing links with each other. It read to me like he and his son are holding each other accountable for how often they pleasure themselves with porn, and that’s incredibly fucking weird and inappropriate. While I think it’s generally a positive thing to be open and honest with your children, there is definitely a line. And this totally crosses that.
Yeah I was lucky enough to be raised by a sex positive mom. As a young child I called body parts by their names because they’re just body parts. Any questions I asked my mom got a truthful answer to the best of her knowledge and as appropriate as possible to my age. There was an understanding that if I was old enough to ask I was old enough to know. That was incredible for me. I have a healthy sex life in part because of this. I also don’t know anything about my mom’s sex life except for the time I found her copy of 50 shades, and the fact that my parents couldn’t stand each other for over a decade.
This is so much weirder and honestly depending on the son’s age it sounds like it could be adultification. A child shouldn’t be responsible for holding a parent accountable in general, but for this it’s just yikes
I feel like the reason they’d have to make a pledge like this in the first place is because one or both of them already got caught watching porn.
The son is 17. If he’s not beating his meat regularly, something is wrong with him.
Or asexual. But that seems unlikely in this scenario.
Also, everyone is reading this as some kind of creepy weird sharing kinks thing. Guaranteed this is just overbearing parenting 101. Anyone raised in or around extreme Christian groups reads this for what it is: child monitoring software and forcing your values on your kid.
I am sure your 17 year old signed up, wholly voluntarily, to not look at porn. I’m sure this wasn’t pitched as, “I’ll even do it too, and set it up so you get alerts for me!” Right as they took away a near adult’s ability to explore his sexuality.
I think there are plenty of legitimate concerns here
Absolutely, Covenant Eyes is malware. Even worse, courts sometimes mandate it, eg in child custody cases. It’s commercialised spying from a business that has proven itselt not trustworthy.
100% this. it’s another arm of big religion. we have to defeat them
Maybe you can explain how the headline isn’t 100000000% accurate instead of confirming it’s completely accurate
Sounds like a security issue now that he’s speaker
Pretty sure they BOTH have a burning devices.
I’d put money down that the kid set it up and has certain sites unlisted.
I did not interpret the headline that way.
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No it’s not.
You could have just said “Mr. Johnson,” and “the other.”
Mr. Johnson and Little Johnson?
“It sends a report to your accountability partner. My accountability partner right now is Jack, my son. He’s 17.
So he’s sharing what kind of porn he looks at with a minor.
I’m sure the republicans will be very upset about that. Right?..
🤮
I wonder who Jack’s accountability partner is on his other phone. Hmmm
I am Jack’s accountability partner also his cold sweat and his total lack of surprise
I think the point here is to not look at porn becaue his son is then going to find out about it. “He’s sharing what kind of porn he looks at with a minor” is about as stupid take on this as that article is to begin with.
Arguing for involving your own son in the management of your porn habits, is that really the hill you want to die on?
No but I really wish it was the hill this chuckle fuck would die on.
Won’t they think of the children?
Won’t they think of the children?
Oh they do.
Far too much and not in a healthy way.
They did think of the children when they asked themselves “who should keep me accountable for the porn I watch”.
I’m not sure how they got to that conclusion and I don’t want to know.
What makes you think Johnson isn’t “thinking” about the children when he uses a child to watch him watch porn?
“Let’s make a strawman of this dude calling out a strawman”
Reading books to kids in a costume is way too sexual, but automatically sending porn to your underage kid is not, got it.
That’s the jizz of it.
I’m sorry, but are we reading the same article? There’s no mention of anybody sending porn to anyone let alone about reading books to kids in a costume. You alright man?
My bad, my comment required not just reading this article, but having a basic understanding of current events, and that was clearly way too much to expect from you.
There’s no mention of anybody sending porn to anyone
“It sends a report to your accountability partner. My accountability partner right now is Jack, my son. He’s 17. So he and I get a report about all the things that are on our phones, all of our devices, once a week. If anything objectionable comes up, your accountability partner gets an immediate notice.”
So if he looks at anything “objectionable” (meaning porn), it sends it so his underage son.
let alone about reading books to kids in a costume
That part was about the conservative outrage about people in drag reading to kids. I was pointing out how drag is apparently too sexual for kids, but their fathers porn watching habits is not not.
Clearly it says a report is sent, not the actual content. I’m all with you but let’s not invent stuff
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yes
I’m sorry my knowledge of internal politics of a country I don’t live in did not match your expectations. Controversy about people reading books to kids in drag indeed sounds really important though and definitely something I should have been aware of. This is totally a failure on my part.
So if he looks at anything “objectionable” (meaning porn), it sends it so his underage son.
Previously you said:
So he’s sharing what kind of porn he looks at with a minor.
Is he sending his son links to porn or is he not? You’re not being very cohesive here.
I’m sorry my knowledge of internal politics of a country I don’t live in did not match your expectations.
No problem. I just assumed that since you’re engaging in a debate about it, you know at least the basics about the current political situation.
Is he sending his son links to porn or is he not? You’re not being very cohesive here.
By looking at porn, the programs he installed on his and his sons devices shares it. It’s cohesive, you just need to thing about for more than 1 second.
I have a gut feeling that something really nasty is going to come out about this guy. I mean worse than we all think he already is.
I have the same gut feeling. People that behave so righteous usually are hiding something.
Every politician that does shit like this gets caught taking it up the ass eventually. And, like, you go girl, but did you really need to be such a dick about everything along the way?
I totally agree. He is hiding something and the rest of his party is too stupid to pick up on the signals.
They don’t care
The end justifies the means.
Even if we have to burn down all of creation to do show.
Pikachu face when they discover creation is bigger than one planet and they needed to massively invest in space ship development starting years ago.
Oh oh oh can it be Lindsay Graham he gets caught with?
While having weekly reports sent to your son on your internet viewing and getting the same on your son is creepy as hell I think the article raises a better concern of : who else at this company can see this info and is this on his phone used for government work?
probably not. but, chances are there’s a shit load of viruses because, you know. downloading all that porn on devices that don’t nark…
Bro these people work for the government.
I guarantee their InfoSec is worse than your grandmother who has dementia, and clicks on every single link.
The fuck
Guarantee you this isn’t optional for his son.
How did this start? The conversation had to be at some point
Well sort of porn do you look at son? Don’t worry, this won’t be a one way street. I love PoV cream pies. Now I need you to report to me everytime you look… at what was it again, trans gangbang? Oh thats a good one. Let me know if those temptresses get ya!
Like srsly. What. The. Actual. Fuck.
The reality is that it’s a mechanism of shame/control. You teach the kid that looking at porn is sinful, masturbation is sinful/shameful, etc… Then you install “accountability” software that rats out the kid whenever he pulls it up. He’s just repackaging an authoritarian, abusive household as “accountability.” They also have devices that connect to your TV and will shut off the audio (based on the closed captions) if it detects a profanity.
All I can say is I am thankful that tech didn’t exist when I was 17. Fucking hell. The religious bullshit did enough of a number on me.
He’s just repackaging an authoritarian, abusive household as “accountability.”
this. it’s not about the porn so much as it is the control and the ability to shame. Also, how much you wanna bet the kid gets talked to if he ever goes onto a democratic website?
Yeah imagine if this kid starts questioning anything from his sexuality to why the summers keep getting hotter. Parents should be monitoring their children’s internet usage, but it needs to be done responsibly and more like the monitor where their child goes in town. You start with discussions and trust and you verify as needed.
Yup. Same energy as a father daughter dance where everyone signs “purity contracts” and then they get a promise ring to save themselves for marriage. It’s about guilt and control and religious-based puritanism. People are making this seem like a weird sex thing with religious undertones when it’s totally not. It’s a weird religious thing with sexual undertones. Completely different!
I imagine something more like this: Son, I got an alert that you’re watching porn. I’ll be there in 5. Dad, why can’t we just watch porn on our own? Don’t be silly son, how else will we hold each other accountable?
And all this regular effort in avoiding it probably just makes the son more motivated to find ways to avoid detection. Prepaid smartphone, that sort of thing.
Yes, for sure. I always made extra effort to get access to those things most off-limits.
This sounds like he and his son have a porn addiction and they work together to act as a deterrent. But I’m sure they just get around the “parental controls” they installed on each other’s devices.
No they just jerk off together and mom brings them milk after
Hey! Don’t kink shame!
Not cool. Dont put crazy weird pictures into people’s head.
What the shit?!?
The Republican Party picked someone without any previous national coverage to get someone who was acceptable.
Not we are seeing who was “vetted”.
I am unsure he is not a fake identity.
I don’t know what’s worse. The fact that he has a buddy system to monitor porn intake or that its his son that looks at his porn history. Guys like this only get weirder as you get to hear more of their story.
“It sends a report to your accountability partner. My accountability partner right now is Jack, my son. He’s 17. So he and I get a report about all the things that are on our phones, all of our devices, once a week. If anything objectionable comes up, your accountability partner gets an immediate notice. I’m proud to tell ya, my son has got a clean slate.”
Am I just cynical that this sounds more like intentionally training your son to avoid a paper trail from “official” devices? He’s a 17 year old boy, he is almost definitely looking at porn.
I bet he is. He probably has found some ways to get around this monitoring system. This is just so damn stupid, how can you be so naive to think this would work?
Um, this is strange behavior acting as righteousness…WTF. Imagine if you were his son and got pinged that your dad is watching porn. I would be totally grossed the hell out if that happened between me and my dad. I’m grimacing as I type this. Or, imagine being the dad watching porn and knowing your son is actively aware that you are doing that. What the hell would be going through your mind to make that okay?
Or, think about what the son is really learning from this relationship. Sex is bad and people should be monitored for sexual activity. Also, he’s learning that controlling others to that level is acceptable and celebrated. This kid might turn out to be a highly abusive partner that thinks it’s okay to monitor their partner’s phone at all times.
It also tells us that Mike Johnson is probably interested in monitoring people’s internet habits, especially when it comes to accessing porn. Personally, that is not what I would like for a congressman.
The whole thing is uncomfortably odd and seems like a major red flag.
What the actual fuck, and why would you say this publicly? People who morally abstain from porn are always the weirdest motherfuckers.
They all too often give of the vibes of “smells a stranger’s hair as they walk by.”
And given literally every photo of this dude gives me those “hugs a little bit too long for it to be not weird” vibes hand in hand with the other, this seems pretty on brand.
it’s because they have an intense interest in controlling sexual expression, which implies a large amount of interpersonal controlling instincts
This title is horrible. People complain that parental software is a huge privacy concern and not fair in a parent-child dynamic as the “spying” only works one way. Yet, here we have a Republican saying “rules for thee AND ME” and people are mad that a parent is risking embarrassment to teach his offspring something he actually believes instead of the usual Republican just pick an issue off **the list ** and force it on random adults.
Yeah honestly this doesn’t bother me (caveat that I literally just heard of this today and have zero context). It’s funny and awkward and embarrassing but it doesn’t bother me at all. I have enough other reasons to not like the guy and this doesn’t make the list.
Editing to add: okay the tool he is using to do this is weird and I’m worried that it might be running over secret government content. That parts not okay.
Except he’s the Speaker of the House, 2nd in line of succession to the Presidency, and he’s given this app access to his phone, and who knows who else aside from him and his son have access to it and whatever sensitive information that may be on it.
Yeah that’s the bit that bothers me more. If it were just his personal devices then meh, but I’m sure our officials don’t keep a clean separation there.
Edit: the more I learn about this man the more I dislike him. Wow, it just keeps getting worse.
