So I was hungry and bored and a little drunk and decided to make some homemade macaroni and cheese. I found this old leather-bound book that looked like a cookbook, so I opened it and followed a recipe. Turns out it was like the Necronomicon or something and I summoned a demon. He’s sitting on my couch right now being a dick, watching Netflix and drinking my beer. He won’t leave and says he’s going to take my soul unless I make him the world’s best mac and cheese. I have a box of crappy dollar store instant mac in the pantry. What can I do to make it better? I don’t have any crazy ingredients like fancy cheeses or truffles. Help.
Not sure how to help but Elvira taught me Doritos will only make him stronger.
Boil the noodles in holy water.
Fry one whole onion, plus a chunk of something meaty (I sometimes do ham, bacon, or ground beef) in butter in a separate pan while the noodles get boiled. Make the cheese sauce in that pan without draining anything out, so you have all the fat and brownings in there. After draining the macaroni, add directly to the pan, mix, then serve onto plate. Add black pepper and ketchup overtop.
All those other bachelors eating their plain macaroni will get their own demons, but you’ll be free!
(When I buy bacon, ham, or ground beef, I buy the largest packs and portion it into sandwich bags in the freezer with one serving per bag. That way I can toss them in things like this. And onions are cheap as shit.)
Put bacon in the Mac and cheese
You can try adding spices to make it taste better. I don’t know what spices taste well with mac and cheese but oregano should be good. Just smell the spices and add them if they smell like they would fit the dish
Taco seasoning usually does the trick
Just don’t feed the demon… i repeate: do not feed the demon… it will just grow larger and hungrier. Maybe it’s time for you to move.
Bacon and/or hot dogs, cut into small pieces and cooked separate.
Broccoli or other easy frozen veggies, especially if you fry / saute them first.
Hot sauce / siracha / taco bell fire sauce packets (if you like a little heat).
Salt the crap out of the water you cook the pasta in. Also a little olive oil in the cooking water. You can even add dried seasonings now (like dollar store italian blend) and they willget some flavor soaked into the noodles.
Feel like its too healthy? Are you an American? Pour in a little ranch dressing (a little goes a long way).
Whole milk for cooking. Always.
Knock off mac n cheese tends to suffer in the cheese powder departmentnext to kraft / annies, consider springing the extra 50 cents in the future.
Thanks for listening to my TED talk.
Just woke up. Kinda hung over. Partially-eaten mac & cheese on stove. Was out of bacon. Used fried hot dogs and frozen broccoli instead. Added ranch. Demon gone. Smell of sulfur lingers. Left soul. Took wallet? Might have been fat, gassy neighbor and not demon. Was pretty drunk.
You just need to add the essence of pure flavor. Simple water… and LSD.
My wife and I usually get world’s best at Market Street but we did find it at Kroger last time. Your demon has expensive taste!
Yeah, this is some dusty Dollar General elbows and orange powder I’m working with.
Add some peas and bacon crumbles.
Bacon sounds good, but peas? Trying to make him less angry, not more.
Guys, I think he’s dead. I think the demon took his soul cuz he hasn’t been online since the day he posted this.
Alive and well as @[email protected]!
Just enslave the demon and make him make you mac and cheese. They’re really good at it!
Nah dawg, he’s not down with that. But thanks for trying.
They never are, but damn if that mac and cheese isn’t great!
That is a unique experience you are having. I suggest starting a reality TV show with regarding with your life after you summoned a demon.
Bonus points if that demon can cook, you can even challenge the demon on a cooking show off with celebrities as judge.
I just made regular Mac and Cheese for my wife. I had some pepper jack in the fridge (about 55g) that I added. I heated the milk and pepper jack together and then added it as well as the powdered cheese. Was pretty good.
