- cross-posted to:
- nottheonion
- [email protected]
- cross-posted to:
- nottheonion
- [email protected]
Archive link: https://archive.ph/GtA4Q
The complete destruction of Google Search via forced AI adoption and the carnage it is wreaking on the internet is deeply depressing, but there are bright spots. For example, as the prophecy foretold, we are learning exactly what Google is paying Reddit $60 million annually for. And that is to confidently serve its customers ideas like, to make cheese stick on a pizza, “you can also add about 1/8 cup of non-toxic glue” to pizza sauce, which comes directly from the mind of a Reddit user who calls themselves “Fucksmith” and posted about putting glue on pizza 11 years ago.
A joke that people made when Google and Reddit announced their data sharing agreement was that Google’s AI would become dumber and/or “poisoned” by scraping various Reddit shitposts and would eventually regurgitate them to the internet. (This is the same joke people made about AI scraping Tumblr). Giving people the verbatim wisdom of Fucksmith as a legitimate answer to a basic cooking question shows that Google’s AI is actually being poisoned by random shit people say on the internet.
Because Google is one of the largest companies on Earth and operates with near impunity and because its stock continues to skyrocket behind the exciting news that AI will continue to be shoved into every aspect of all of its products until morale improves, it is looking like the user experience for the foreseeable future will be one where searches are random mishmashes of Reddit shitposts, actual information, and hallucinations. Sundar Pichai will continue to use his own product and say “this is good.”
oh gods what happens when the ai discovers the poop knife
Or the cumbox. Or that kid who broke his arms. Or that dog, Colby I think? No wonder AI always wants to exterminate humanity in sci-fi.
I do recall crying laughing while reading the comments in the broken arms kid thread
I thought it was hilarious how redditors fell for some guys bait/fetish post. Iirc the guy admitted to making it all up in some dm’s
Bate more like
Bates more like
I have a sneaking suspicion when Google’s AI eventually surfaces the story in a search they’re probably not going to mention that fact though.
All it would need for justification is Kevin. Damn it Kevin.
What about the 🥥
And the jolly rancher.
That was plainly fictional.
Fucking GOOD! Holy hell, still a terrible story to imagine.
Hey Google, I like space movies. Please describe the Swamps of Dagobah.
Would it be acceptable if AI said it bubbles all the time like a giant carbonated soda?
The ai will forever identify an innocent as the perpetrator of the Boston bombings
Hey google, a woman has a son with 2 broken arms, what should she do?
It’ll recommend to beat your kids with jumper cables.
And the cylinder
I thought it was a jar and not a box, or was it both?
I believe there was a cum jar, cum box, cum wall, cum squid, cum coconut, and cum couch
The list of things people haven’t cummed in is definitely shorter than the list of things they have
And that is saying a lot in a near infinite universe
I just asked ChatGPT 3 about it. It already knows.
well it does now
What are its thoughts on Narwals, bacon, and midnight?
Has it yet indexed and integrated /r/rule34?
Great, I hadn’t thought about it in years.
Now it’s in my head.
Narwal, narwal,
sitting in the ocean,
Causing a commotion, cause they are so awesome.
Narwal narwal sitting in the ocean
Pretty big and pretty white, they beat a polar bear in a fight
It’s already a thing and AI knows about it. And yes I get the original reference.
😳
About 20 years ago they shut down a Burger King in my city because people found out they were putting the dirty toilet seats and toilet brushes with the kitchenware in the dishwasher. Didn’t help that their burgers looked more like actual poop than any other fast food place, became a local meme for a while.
We’ve had a McDonalds getting dragged over the coals this week for using the chip warmers to dry a dirty mop head. The McMop has been doing the meme rounds as a result.
Oh no, I was just about to leave to go get some for the first time in ages
You definitely shouldn’t ever mix bathroom and kitchen stuff, but at least it sanitizes it all the same, right?
Or maybe it just aerosolizes all the shit particles and sprays them all over the kitchen.
wtf world are we even living in
https://www.walmart.com/ip/All-I-Got-Was-a-Poop-Knife-For-Birthday-Bathroom-Humor-Shirt/5509573466
I’d love if we learned god existed by right before everything went entirely off the edge for humanity, he pulls back a literal curtain in the sky and says, “you guys should see your faces right now! Hahaha! Classic. Anyway, that was fun. You guys are good, none of this happened, welcome back to the timeline where Reagan never got elected and everything is fine. [chuckles to himself as he retreats back behind the curtain] heh. Poop knife. Hilarious. Oooh, Yahweh, you are just too. Much.” [Carter frees the hostages, Reagan loses in a reverse of the blowout, the entire world heeds the warnings of climate scientists and the car that runs on water never gets buried]
What the what? Who is paying $23 for that???
The reviews are quality.
Oh wow, the cake roll graphic!
The “fun” part is that it has already discovered the poop knife. We just need to figure out how to coax it out.
I asked ChatGPT earlier. It will literally tell you exactly what it was about. (Probably because of all the sites talking about it since it happened.)
I think my most upvoted reddit comment was on the poop knife post. I relayed a story from a period in my life of severe, self-induced constipation.
But I’m civilized and used a real tool, a poo-driver.
I think I might actually remember your comment!
It’s nice to be adjacent to history in this way. I think I’ll add this to me resume!