ROANOKE, VA—Local claims adjuster David Seaborne, a devoted husband and father of three, died Tuesday at the age of 37 following a long and painful personal battle with a 512-pound eastern lowland gorilla.
This is one of the best Onion articles ever. Read the whole thing.
That G isn’t teaching class - he’s holding court!
Yeah, but who do you think taught him world domination skills? That can’t be self-taught!
Very true. They didn’t even offer that as an elective in my school :(