• @edgemaster72
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    2052 months ago

    Don’t forget the inevitable “3 months ago we were made aware of a breach of the BONTO! servers. What information was taken? Bet you’d like to know wouldn’t you. What have we done about this situation? Fuck you, that’s what.”

    • OptionalOP
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      772 months ago

      BUT . . .But. To make it up to you we’ve also sold your info to a “Privacy Lock” company who will sell you something imaginary for as long as you pay them. That’ll totally fix it.

        • NoSpiritAnimal
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          192 months ago

          Oh it was an Eastern European shell this whole time and they have my social security number for some reason

    • @Psythik
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      292 months ago

      23 and Me customer here, and I couldn’t relate more. When I reached out to support to ask what data was stolen and how much they were planning on compensating me for having my genome leaked to the web, their answer was basically “We have no idea what you’re talking about. lol fuck you”

    • AwkwardLookMonkeyPuppet
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      162 months ago

      You can’t use this service unless you give us your social security number. Whoops! Your SSN was stolen three months ago and we just found out.

  • @NOT_RICK
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    1422 months ago

    Don’t forget the 4500 emails suggesting you upgrade to slorp pro-premium-plus-max

    • @[email protected]
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      392 months ago

      You make fun of this but I really had bonto pro-premium-plus-max and it comes with many benefits like not getting these mails anymore

    • @[email protected]
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      332 months ago

      Then when you finally upgrade to premium plus max lifetime, the acquisition happens and lifetime licenses get cancelled.

    • @kshade
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      192 months ago

      “You have 17 messages in your Slorp-box! Click here to log in”

      • Semi-Hemi-Lemmygod
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        2 months ago

        “Loser McDouchebag from high school recently Slorped! Click here to read it!”

        • @kshade
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          2 months ago

          And, after the rebranding: “Someone looked at your BONTO! profile! Want to know who? Get BONTO! Premium and send them a BONTO!-Gram! Remember, this could be the beginning of something wonderful! Get it now for only $9,99 (first 6 months, conditions apply)!”

    • AwkwardLookMonkeyPuppet
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      2 months ago

      And if you already did, then you’re really missing out on the pro lifetime plan that includes a lifetime license!*

      ^(* lifetime license only valid until we release the next version in 2 months)

  • @z00s
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    1122 months ago

    *Your 2FA login code for SLORP

    *Your password reset link for SLORP

    *Your password reset link for SLORP

    *You have (2) new messages from other SLORP users

    *There has been a login attempt from a new device on SLORP

    *Your SLORP password may have been compromised

    • WIZARD POPE💫
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      92 months ago

      I always get 4 fucking emails when I login into firefox on a new device

  • @[email protected]
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    1062 months ago

    Click here to unsubscribe from Slorp marketing emails. First log in. Forgot password? Click here to reset. Hmm, doesn’t appear to be a user account with that email address. Create an account? Check your email for the activation link. Confirm your contact information. Consent to tracking cookies? Manage notifications. Unsubscribe from all? We’re sad to see you go!

    • @ChapulinColorado
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      502 months ago

      You could just do the “report spam” if the unsubscribe link doesn’t immediately work.

      • @AllOutOfBubbleGum
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        272 months ago

        Yeah, the CAN-SPAM act, as far as I understand it, doesn’t allow them to force you to make an account just to unsubscribe.

        • @A_Random_Idiot
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          122 months ago

          Thats assuming they obey it, and that its US based and under US law jurisdiction.

          and as I learned with the national do not call registry, it is utterly meaningless and does nothing to prevent the issue at the best of times.

          • @[email protected]
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            12 months ago

            Also, those “unsubscribe” links can be used to confirm that your email is valid, leading to even more junk, or even phishing attempts. Have to log in to unsubscribe? Better make sure the site is legit first.

            • @A_Random_Idiot
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              12 months ago

              yep, i said that elsewhere. The only way to really deal with spam is a robust filter.

              and even you still have to deal with it, cause eventually something legitimate will slip into the spam folder and then you’re having to dive through the mess to find it.

        • dantheclamman
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          52 months ago

          It’s surprising how often they don’t comply. I think for while adobe was asking me for a login to unsubscribe, which I couldn’t remember or be bothered to reset the password for. They seem to have changed it recently. Maybe a lawyer realized they were exposed to class action

      • NekuSoul
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        142 months ago

        That, and there’s a high likelyhood the only thing the unsubscribe button would do is giving the spammers the valuable information that this email address is actually in use.

        • @A_Random_Idiot
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          32 months ago

          like answering a spam call. all it does is register a good number and amplify the spam.

      • @BigDiction
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        2 months ago

        Every platform with enough technical resources should support one click unsubscribe.

        I never understood the concept of making it difficult to unsubscribe. Marketers have a hard enough time getting users to open email at all. Let users help you clean up your subscriber list with an easy opt out to reduce your send cost and improve deliverability.

        • @sudo42
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          12 months ago

          I just assume these are the same marketing types that will spend billions in ads offering anyone under the sun 1/2-off everything for a year. Customers that have been paying faithfully every month for years? Fuck off!

    • @brygphilomena
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      232 months ago

      /> reset password

      “hmm, there doesn’t appear to be a user account with that email address”

      /> Makes new account

      “User account with that email exists. Reset password?”

      • qevlarr
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        242 months ago

        Try password

        Incorrect credentials

        Reset password

        Fill in the password you want

        Password can’t be the same as previous password

        (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

        • @son_named_bort
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          72 months ago

          Fill in the new password

          Password must contain at least one special character

          Fill in the new password

          Password cannot contain @

          Fill in the new password

          Password must contain at least one number

          Fill in the new password

          You have attempted too many attempts at resetting your password and are now locked out of your account. To unlock your account please call 1-800-FUCK-YOU between 8:32 and 9:46 AM Eastern time.

  • @[email protected]
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    902 months ago

    Remember when email was useful? I remember when it was magical!

    Time for a story from the ancient times. I had this idea and asked my professor for advice. He said he knew a person on the other side of the world who would know all about it. “This is his ‘email’ address.”

    I had never heard about ‘email’ so I needed to learn what it was and how to send one. I wrote my message and off it went. The very next morning I had a reply. One of the best experts on a topic I was keen about had shared their thoughts from the other side of the world, just like that.

    In that time, a long time ago as you’ll appreciate, that interaction was magical.

    In an instant I understood the power of the Usenet. A while later and with a couple of additional protocols they started calling that the Internet.

    • AwkwardLookMonkeyPuppet
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      202 months ago

      I remember in like 1997 or so, my friend’s dad got VoIP working on his computer, and we would talk to random people from around the world. I still have fond memories of my first conversation. It was someone in Australia! All the way on the other side of the planet, and we were talking in real time, FOR FREE! I’ve been a computer nerd ever since.

      • @[email protected]
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        32 months ago

        I had a similar but very different experience. At the beginning of COVID my buddy and I got our ham radio licenses.

        One of my earliest contacts was a guy in Japan, over 6000 miles away! Nothing between us but some wire strung up in a tree, and a couple of radios. Using the ionosphere to bounce our signals around the world.

        So. Stinking. Awesome.

        I’ve been hooked ever since.

        It’s funny because it’s almost the opposite of your story, you were using the amazing new technology and infrastructure to make the trip. These days we take that very infrastructure for granted.

        It’s fun to try doing it with as little infrastructure as possible!

        • tiredofsametab
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          42 months ago

          What time were you talking to the guy in Japan? I live in Japan and am (very slowly as technical and legal japanese are hard) working on my HAM license and would love to chat with my dad in the US eastern time zone. Still not 100% sure about propagation and other such. Thanks!

          • @[email protected]
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            12 months ago

            I’d have to check my logs, but it was something like spring or early summer. Honestly though the solar cycle has a much larger effect on propagation, and right now we’re near solar maximum so things are really hopping. At the beginning of COVID we were just starting to come out of solar minimum.

            I haven’t been super active lately, so I can’t comment on how often you’d be able to make contact. But with some coordination it’s definitely doable. Especially if you get some decent metal in the air.

            You still have US citizenship? You might be able to do your testing in the USA over zoom and use a reciprocal license, though I haven’t looked deeply into it.

            • tiredofsametab
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              22 months ago

              It’s possible to get my US license and transfer it, yeah. I was unaware zoom was an option, so I might look into that. The 13-hour time difference (to US Eastern) might make the test a bit rough, hah. Cheers!

        • AwkwardLookMonkeyPuppet
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          22 months ago

          That’s rad! I bought a ham radio during covid too, but I still haven’t got my license. I’ve studied for the test several times, but never felt ready to take it.

    • tiredofsametab
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      62 months ago

      Heh, that’s nostalgia. I always wonder what the young people of today’s equivalent will be. Probably something quantum.

      • AwkwardLookMonkeyPuppet
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        132 months ago

        There is no equivalent, because it’s not new, and even if it was, it’s monetized and manipulative. The internet back then was wide open, free as fuck, and completely new!

        • tiredofsametab
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          32 months ago

          I was specifically referring to the ability to communicate in writing at that speed. I guess the telegraph technically existed as well, but it was expensive and awkward.

          • @crank0271
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            12 months ago

            What’s writing? Is that a new feature on TikTok?

          • AwkwardLookMonkeyPuppet
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            12 months ago

            And couldn’t reach across oceans, required special training, and only accommodated short messages because of the tedious nature of signaling.

      • @[email protected]
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        62 months ago

        The pre-Google YouTube is probably the closest thing I can think of. And just a time before when everything about the Internet was about profit.

        Back when Google were cool.

        • AwkwardLookMonkeyPuppet
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          Google was the absolute coolest for a while. It’s a damn shame what they’ve become. Fuck you Sundar Pichai!

        • tiredofsametab
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          22 months ago

          I’ll admit that I didn’t really get YouTube when I first heard of it. I think justin.tv was the thing that made me realize there was something there, even though I only watched it all of about twice. Then again, I thought music CDs were a scam for the longest time. I’m old.

      • @jaaake
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        12 months ago

        It’s happening right now with AI. It’s currently in the Usenet phase. A few people understand it and are using it to positively alter their daily lives by improving their ability to gather and filter information, but (ironically) thanks to the internet the vast majority of people are distracted by some niches like generative art or writing book reports. In the next year or two, we’ll start to see mainstream people have AI personal assistants that will have conversations with other AIs. Even without the robotics component, daily life will change. Remember before you could order Amazon same day delivery, or Door Dash a meal? Imagine that level (and better) of tracking and communication for every service you could need, all completely automated. Your sink broke? A perfectly fine plumber can be here in 20 mins, be advised to expect an 80% chance that you’ll see their buttcrack, a 40% chance that they aren’t wearing deodorant, and a 100% chance there will be multiple off-color remarks about the current political situation. Does this bother you? Your AI already knows and an instant deep dive of reviews and social media has found a plumber that may in fact be your soul mate. They’ll be here on Thursday. Your AI queued up a playlist of your mutual favorite songs.

        In a slower but possibly as life altering revolution, AR. Apple is starting this with Apple Vision Pro, but this will need to be miniaturized down to a discrete pair of glasses (like Meta Ray-Bans) with 3 pieces of tech that aren’t there yet:

        1. Even smaller computers (remember when they were the size of shipping containers?)
        2. More efficient batteries
        3. A display technology that both adjusts focus depending on the distance your eyes are focusing at while also occluding reality.

        I’m confident these will exist in our lifetime, but probably not within the next decade. Once they all come together, the way people experience life will change. Both for the better and worse. If capitalism hasn’t been legislatively reigned in a bit, the ads are going to be insane.

        • tiredofsametab
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          22 months ago

          I actually work with ML a lot (at the intersection of my domain with it), though I am not an ML/AI engineer.

          I think short-term, ML/AI has a great chance of helping hugely with accessibility issues with users of various systems. My secondary thought is maybe related to elder care, but I’m not sure yet.

          I have largely had bad experiences with AI assistants (coding, search, and other domains), except maybe helping with finding/generating code samples for libs/packages with poor or missing documentation (though I go to the docs and code first and those results aren’t always correct).

          I do see virtual assistants in various forms being a possible near-term implementation with promise, but most are still heavily trained on and biased to. A handful of languages (in the case of LLMs and such) which limits global appeal.

          I am both frightened (the race to market without considering the near- nor long-term costs to society as a whole neither ethics in many cases) and hopeful about the whole thing.

          I think you are probably correct, though I also feel we might have something in physics or robotics that has ripple effects opening new avenues. Only time will tell, I suppose. Cheers!

          • @jaaake
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            22 months ago

            I am both frightened (the race to market without considering the near- nor long-term costs to society as a whole neither ethics in many cases) and hopeful about the whole thing.

            Same! I’m downright terrified about the impossibility of determining what should be legal/illegal because our politics move at a glacial pace and rarely involve experts in the field. Some bad actors can AND WILL really fuck things up here. I do think that the possibilities are a net positive. If I were in charge, I would pump the brakes until we could better ascertain what the fallout will be.

            I have largely had bad experiences with AI assistants (coding, search, and other domains), except maybe helping with finding/generating code samples for libs/packages with poor or missing documentation (though I go to the docs and code first and those results aren’t always correct).

            Maybe my current scenario is in some Venn diagram of the perfect situation, but I’ve been having the opposite experience. I’m a game designer changing from about a decade of Unreal (and another decade and a half of various proprietary engines) to learning Unity. I’ve got a pretty clear idea of what I want to do, I’ve just got no clue how to do it. I’ve been using a combination of GPT-4o and co-pilot to figure things out and it’s been great! GPT has been a combination of pair programming and Google replacement. I’ll tell it what I’m trying to do and it not only spits out a code example, but it describes what each section is doing. Occasionally it’ll tackle problems from the wrong end, like yesterday it was placing a UI element and then clamping it to ensure it was drawn on screen instead of figuring out the proper screen space scale first and properly converting world space to that specific space/scale. But if you’re familiar with the methodology and need help with the syntax/structure, it’s kind of amazing. Co-pilot is SO FAST! I’ve got no idea where a property I’m looking for is being stored and that shit auto-completes (almost always) exactly what I’m looking for, purely based on context or comments. Some times it hallucinates properties that don’t exist, but the IDE calls my attention to that pretty quickly and co-pilot usually sets me on the right path.

    • OptionalOP
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      42 months ago

      Yeah, man. Good times. Good times.

    • @sudo42
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      12 months ago

      That is what the internet used to be. You could reach out to some of the best minds in science and industry. Then they opened it up to the public. And by “public” I mean every degenerate opportunist in the world.

  • @[email protected]
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    2 months ago

    Every goddamn time…

    ☐ I would like to be contacted for marketing purposes

    Next day…

    Here’s that marketing email you requested!

  • @minorkeys
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    632 months ago

    Business contaminates everything useful with endless appeals to your attention.

  • @ZILtoid1991
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    622 months ago

    You forgot the part where BONTO leaks user information, and now you get a torrent of spam…

  • @[email protected]
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    2 months ago

    “Thank you for your pre-paid lifetime subscription to Slorp! Unfortunately, after the acquisition by BONTO!, we have made the difficult decision not to honor these Slorp Platinum accounts going forward. But please enjoy a 15% discount on your first month of BONTO! Premium+! (Have you seen our stock price?)”

    • THCDenton
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      12 months ago

      (Have you seen our class action?)

  • @[email protected]
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    442 months ago

    I’d argue that email is as useful as regular mail. I get about 2 letters a year written by a person. The rest is bills and marketing.

    Email is basically a central notification hub for users, and I’d much prefer that than having to log into each specific app to be notified of things.

        • @[email protected]
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          202 months ago

          Add it to your spam filter. Have it auto forward the email to LinkedIn’s customer support email with a request that they stop if you wanna be extra.

        • @umbraroze
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          32 months ago

          Last I checked LinkedIn doesn’t even have a way of straight up turning all emails off. I had to individually turn off email notifications on bazillion categories. …Then they just invented more categories.

        • @[email protected]
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          12 months ago

          Heh that button is sacrosanct for me. If capitalism goaded me into signing up for LinkedIn, and thus fully cognizant agreeing with the site’s ToS, I’mma unsubscribe when I don’t like their mailings.

          But if that unsubscribe request gets ignored? Going HAM clicking Spam. Also I won’t touch phishing emails on mobile so I can click Report Phishing from desktop (thanks Gmail).

  • @Sanctus
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    432 months ago

    signs into portal

    ding!

    “New sign-on to Grek Ultra Product Manager Plus!”

    Why is this the default

    • @perviouslyiner
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      512 months ago

      Security alert: Login from a new unknown device!” - it’s the same computer on the same network as the previous 300 logins!

      • BlanketsWithSmallpox
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        232 months ago

        How dare you use a browser that doesn’t let us track the fuck out of you! Delete cookies and cache every time!?

        You deserve this.

      • @z00s
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        152 months ago

        ie. Fuck you for deleting our cookies

        • @halcyoncmdr
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          92 months ago

          That automatically expires after 30 days anyway. So even if you didn’t do it, we did.

    • @thawed_caveman
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      292 months ago

      Love that Firefox highlights this cursed domain name

    • @[email protected]
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      2 months ago

      Oh don’t worry, testing if a string is a valid URL is easy, just use the following easy to remember regular expression:

      spoiler

      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      • @[email protected]
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        92 months ago

        \x{20000}-\x{2FFFD}\x{30000}-\x{3FFFD}\x{40000}-\x{4FFFD}

        It seems like all that unicode shenanigans could be simplified with the proper character class.

        • @[email protected]
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          42 months ago

          Have a problem you’re looking to solve with regex? Great now you have two problems! Lol

  • @Etterra
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    322 months ago

    I remember when Slorp was Qooble.

      • @A_Random_Idiot
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        22 months ago

        Qooble took a shit after it bought up Aoyel

        • Nfamwap
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          52 months ago

          They went too big too soon. The real nail in the coffin though was the merger with Floop.

  • @[email protected]
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    252 months ago

    Slorp has detected that you haven’t opened our emails for a long time. It’s very important to slorp that you keep your contact information updated. Please login Here to verify your slorp account details.

    – the fact slorp gets upset that I have tracking pixels disabled so they can’t monitor my email usage is one big reason they can go slorp themselves

  • @FinishingDutch
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    222 months ago

    I have a 100 gb Google storage just so I don’t run out of email space. Even if you aggressively unsubscribe from shit, there’s just waaaaay too much emailing in general by companies.

    I once bought four items in a single order from Amazon. They shipped all items separately, which meant I got four shipment mails, four DHL ‘it’s underway’ messages, four ‘it’s being delivered today’ messages and four ‘your item has been delivered’ messages by DHL. Oh and to round it out: four delivery confirmations from Amazon.

    All told, that one four-item order meant 21 separate emails. There HAS to be a more efficient way to handle that.

    • @[email protected]
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      42 months ago

      I considered buying some space from Google since their “never run out of space” thing is long gone from the beta I signed up for.

      But then I just nuked my whole storage. Damn that was nice.

      Throw that heap out. It’s not healthy.

      • @FinishingDutch
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        22 months ago

        Well it’s not like the entire 100 gb is email; there’s also actual things stored there.

        I also get and send a LOT of larger, work related emails. And I need to keep old stuff for reference. It just wouldn’t work with the basic 15 gb; I’d need to clean it out every three months or so. With the 100, I just chuck out a bunch of stuff every two years or so.

    • @UnderpantsWeevil
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      12 months ago

      Even with snail mail, I’ll routinely get the same two letters delivered to the same address on the same day - one for me and one for my wife.

      Just the laziest printing/mailing imaginable even after this being junk mail, but nobody seems to care.