- cross-posted to:
- shockingnews
- cross-posted to:
- shockingnews
A former model who was a finalist in the Miss Switzerland contest was allegedly murdered and “pureed” in a blender by her husband, officials in Switzerland are reported to have said.
Kristina Joksimovic, 38, was found dead in her home in Binningen, near Basel, Switzerland, in February this year.
According to local news outlet BZ Basel, a man named Thomas, 41, had an appeal for release from custody denied by the Federal Court in Lausanne on Wednesday after he reportedly confessed to killing his wife, with whom he had two children.
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I did not expect to read “Blender” and “Model” in this context ever.
Try blender.org you use it to model. Literally, you can make models using a blender. You, know, a version of it.
So… like running a blender in reverse? 😁
What. The fuck.
BZ Basel also said Thomas was arrested the day after Ms Joksimovic’s body was found, and initially told investigators he had found her dead and dismembered her body in their laundry room in panic.
Let those who have not dismembered a family member in a panic with a jigsaw and garden shears before dissolving their pulped body in a bath of acid throw the first stone.
When you put it like that… Maybe we shouldn’t be so quick to judge.
It was self defense, after all, and one can never be too safe.
When Vita-mixes are criminalized, only criminals will have Vita-mixes.
Woman must have been an antideluvian vampire to require such extreme measures.
In Florida this man would be a hero.
If only he got the mental health he needed…
There’s a documentary on Hulu I highly recommend called The Jinx, about multimillionaire serial killer Robert Durst. One of my favorite lines from him is “I did not kill my best friend, but I did dismember him”.
His family owns like half of NYC. Someone I know used to work directly under them and can confirm the batshit runs down the whole family tree.
No spoilers, but the very end of that series is absolutely insane. Up there with “Icarus” or “An Honest Liar” as great documentaries that end up having a completely unpredictable twist that changes the trajectory of the film completely.
That’s an episode of “Will It Blend?” I didn’t think we’d ever get in real life.
You’re terrible, even by my standards, which are impressively low
I like to treat every standard like a limbo bar and see how much lower I can go.
It’s one of could have gone my entire life without knowing was a possibility.
gross.
My mind couldn’t contemplate the title when I first read it. I thought this was some sort of AI art or deep fake “blender” program that he was selling nudes or vids of her that he had constructed… the whole actual person being put into a blender just didn’t even compute.
I was so confused at the title too. What does being “pureed” in blender animation software even mean?
Why do people suddenly call a mixer a blender? Isn’t “blend” related to light? English makes no sense.
English makes no sense.
Too true!
Isn’t “blend” related to light?
You can use blend for anything, especially if you’re creating a mix of two original things. And you could mix light too (you have things like
mix()for colors in CSS).In cooking, I would call something you use to mix dough a mixer, and something you use to make a smoothie a blender. I guess there are some subtle differences in “feel” but the words are almost interchangeable.
Good to know, thanks
A former model who was a finalist in the Miss Switzerland contest was allegedly murdered and “pureed” in a blender by her husband, officials in Switzerland are reported to have said.
That’s, that’s a brand new sentence.
This story is wild to read, how do you purée someone and still find a body and determine they were strangled?
I suspect he vastly underestimated the scope of the job.
Shopkeeper: Oh, hello Thomas, back already? How was that blender? Not big enough you say? Well how big do you need? A whole large coconut you say?
I found about 66 liters as the volume of the average person. Assuming a regular 1.5 liter blender, that would mean roughly 44 blending sessions. And that’s not taking into account the problems you’ll have with large bones or bones in general.
Bones, tendons, cartilage those blades would probably be toast after about 30 minutes. The article also mentioned chemical so I’m assuming he tried to do some form of chemical treatment but it wasn’t moving along fast enough.
I mean, considering how some of them can struggle with ice cubes, you’d need one hell of a (consumer grade) blender to effectively get rid of a body
Start with a wood chipper.
Saw that in a movie once.
You’re always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it’s no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies’ digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don’t want to go sievin’ through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute.
Hence the expression, “as greedy as a pig”.
Yeah but that sprays evidence everywhere, best to find a deep, dark, cold lake somewhere.
If you can get the body out to international waters over a particularly deep section of ocean maybe… not gonna trust a lake to not betray me
Unless it’s the big lake Gitche Gumee in November… then you’re golden
Lake Superior is deep enough. but it’s cold enough the corpse won’t go away anytime soon.
I imagine you can fit a wood chipper into a boat and then take care of all the problems that way.
I have it on good authority that Lake Superior never gives up her dead.
deleted by creator
Ugh have my upvote you heathen
The article is unclear about which body parts were dismantled and blended, i assume he just did the arms and legs or something. Which leaves a lot of the body to be found and analyzed.
Basically, if i get this right, he was cutting the body in pieces and blending them one by one, which i assume must be a long process so no wonder he got caught. Honestly if i were to get rid of a body that would also be my plan in its entirety
Not to mention hell for your blender. Bones…aren’t exactly “puréeable.” Any blade would get dull pretty fast when going through human body parts.
Some people.
Not for your Vitamix 5200 it ain’t! Buy Vitamix™️ today and get 8 years warranty with a 30 day return guarantee! Only $499.99!
tamper holder not included
Meh. I’m team BlendTec. They’d probably make a commercial for this. “Next on Will It Blend! Fashion models!”
… don’t breathe this!..hmmm Olympic runner juice 🥤. Sorry just had to. I’m a total disgrace, this is serious and sad. Sorry, really. It’s only slightly funny.
“We’re here about the homicide. Where’s the body?”
“Nope, ain’t nothing here except 60 litres of strawberry smoothie”.
From the bottom up, I imagine.
You’d be surprised the things they can figure out with modern forensics, maybe low oxygen in the remaining tissue, maybe a special enzyme that activates in the lungs when you are carbon dioxide poisoned.
The leaps in detection technology even in the last ten years are astounding.
He did what with the what now!?
To shreds you say?
Oh
Oh no
Thats the opposite of good news.
Unless you are a Blender robot.Must blend all humans
Must bend all humans
-
BenderZapp Brannigan
“the ruling from the court held Ms Joksimovic was strangled to death.”
CSI Switzerland must be fucking wizards, man.
He might not have finished blending her corpse. I think they can also determine the cause of death from tissue samples sometimes.
Or they got a confession, I guess.
This is the most psychopathic thing I have seen in quite some time. wtf
I dunno I thought nothing was gonna beat the Olympian that was hunted down and set on fire by her Ex just earlier this month but yeah this beat it.
Yeah I didn’t need to read this headline as soon as I woke up
What the actual fuck? No jail for this motherfucker, just throw him into a vulcano
Because what sane person, who upon walking into their home and finding a loved one unconscious (or even worse :dead:) doesn’t reach for their blender.
Amiright, guys??
Look I was hungry and the fridge only had two slices of cheese, a quarter of a bottle of expired milk, and some random sauce packets. I worked woth what I had on hand.
What brand was this blender? I would like to know, not because I have any former models that need blending, but because that thing must’ve been a tank
I mean they found a body so I assume it wasn’t that great
Asking the real questions here. I’ve got a ninja and I’m pretty sure there’s no way I could puree bones.
The Swiss make some great precision machinery, I bet it was a Swiss brand.
I bet he used a Blendtec
This is human smoke. Don’t breathe this.
Jesus fucking Christ.
