Found this question on an Instagram reel as dating advice for girls if they don’t know what to talk about and that men have a lot of opinions about this. Let’s see if she’s right.
But I already am a pirate?
Yarrr beat me too it
Pirate! CGP Grey has a great video on how pirate ships worked. They were a lot more democratic and fair than the merchant marine which worked their crew to the bone and paid them peanuts.
Forgot to mention the part where that democratic society is upheld by the fact that you can (and will, if you’re an asshole) be stabbed dead by nearly anyone you interact with. Your own crew, your “customers”, the law, rival pirates, all of them have a will and a way of removing you if you don’t play fair. This is great for ensuring a fair society, only at the constant imminent risk of death.
Although to be fair I suppose cowboys and samurai were also pretty frequently in deadly dangerous conditions.
Most of the the time cowboys and ranch hands were in danger from their herd stampeding, or the occasional cattle thief. It’s very hard work, and not nearly as romantic as Hollywood makes it out to be.
Though if you like camping you might like an old school cattle drive.
On a tour of HMS Victory in Portsmouth, UK (Nelson’s ship at the Battle of Trafalgar) the tour guide explained that commissioned officers had never ventured into the darkness below the deck, and if they did and ended up with their throat slit it would have been considered a self inflicted injury. And that was a ship ostensibly on the right side of the law.
Cowboy, no contest.
Samurai’s lives belong to their masters. I couldn’t live that way.
Pirates live by killing and stealing. I couldn’t live that way.
That leaves cowboys. Certainly not the glorious and romantic life Hollywood makes it out to be, but generally honest work toward specific goals and freedom otherwise, which’d be fine.
IDK, getting to spend a ton of time camping sounds kinda romantic/glorious.
Reminds me of a neighbor I had years ago who was an archaeologist.
He said once that archaeologists are basically cowboys with degrees - that the work they do is often just sort of a way to get out into the middle of nowhere and camp for weeks at a time and get paid for it.
And yeah - I can see the appeal.
This. 100%. I’m self aware enough to know that a life centered on violence is not for me.
Also you can be a “cowboy” today, right now.
Samurai. Literal nobility, regular baths, nice clothes, fitted armor, regular training, and at least during the Edo period, low risk of actually having to go into battle (doesn’t apply during the prior periods of course). Good food, good rice wine, poetry and music, good literature, intellectually stimulating conversations.
Contrast a cowboy - saddle sores, dust, caked sweat from weeks without baths, cholera, gangrene, bandits, native raids, long hours, and the blazing desert sun.
And the pirate: nothing to eat but hardtack and freeze-dried cod until you make port or board a merchantman, hunted by the Royal Navy, surrounded by fellow pirates who haven’t bathed since the last port call, constantly alternating between seasickness and landsickness, cramped quarters belowdecks, constant risk of drowning, and when you finally go on a raid, you’re getting shot at by grapeshot and 16-pounder roundshot at effectively point-blank range.
Samurai, any day. raises cup of green tea
Late in the Edo period, you’d be a poorly paid menial bureaucrat, but that’s still a good gig compared to the others.
Joke’s on you. Anyone can be a literal pirate right now, no boat required. Just grab a BitTorrent client and off you go. 🏴☠️🏴☠️🏴☠️
Honestly, I’d choose that technically correct option because it’s probably the one that makes it easiest to get and maintain insulin, which I need to live.
Damn, that is a pretty persuasive argument, I might have to change my answer to samurai…
I came in here for this comment. When the choices are “criminal fighting the immensity of the ocean”, “guy named for all the cows and famous for shooting/being shot by other cow guys”, and literal nobility, it’s a solid deal. Of all three, one has the lowest chance of death, highest quality of life, and you pretty much got to do whatever you wanted depending on the era. The law that let you kill offending lower classes for twenty days of house arrest was only struck off the books in the mid 19th century.
I think I would be a samurai. Samurai, while fierce warriors, were also poets and great appreciators of the arts.
Have you read Musashi, the novel?
I have not but I did read Shogun by James Clavelle. It is an epic novel and quite a good read. I should check this one out. I am quite curious about it.
Nice, thanks for the recommendation!
It’s actually a series of books Clavelle wrote. He’s really a good author too. The research that he put into writing his historical fiction accounts remain true to the known records of the time. I don’t often reread books but I genuinelly enjoy revisiting his series.
Nice, actually I think I heard about it a while back.
There is also a miniseries made in 1980 by the same name, which is very good (in spite of the age).
Cowboy.
I want to sit at a campfire, eat my bowl of chili, then curl up in my blanket under the stars and in the morning boil myself a nice pot of coffee.
You can keep the cow stuff though.
That’s called camping.
Jimmy, you got nuthin’ but rocks ‘tween yer ears if you think you can go cowboyin’ with no cows.
Just call ‘em steers. Cows are for milkin’ n breedin’.
Careful of Lumbago with that much workin’
Definitely not a job for a man with terminal lumbago.
You could make the chilli.
And coffee also. I’m like 2/3s towards living my dream.
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They’re also the only one with systematic mind/body training instead of just winging it.
Cowboys still exist today, and they have running water, medical care, etc. so if we are talking modern cowboy I’ll go with that. But otherwise yeah I bet samurai had the best amenities.
Least Amount of problems? Aren’t other samurais always going around poking them with swords? Are we talking historical or modern day? If I could be a samurai today I think it would mostly mean posting the occasional YouTube video and deciding which celebrity cheokc I was going to hang out with so yeah, modern samurai I guess.
I mean, by that argument aren’t other sailors going around poking pirates with swords? And cannons? And other cowboys poking their compatriots with bullets?
They were literal nobility, so whatever era you’re dropped into you’re at least living in the lap of luxury lol.
I need an option that includes air conditioning.
All right, I’ll throw hedge fund manager in there.
Ninja. They are so good at hiding that you probably don’t even see it as one of the options.
Can I be Hasekura Tsunenaga, the samurai who went to Mexico? That way I could be a cowboy samurai. Plus I could be a pirate during the journey from Japan to Mexico. ✓ ✓ ✓
So you got to eat your pirate rice cake with beans, and have it too.
Cowboy literally just means rancher. It was not a particularly good job in the wild west and it’s only marginally better now.
Samurai were well respected, well paid, and had social status. The downside is that they needed to kill people or die trying when their boss said to, which doesn’t sound like fun to me.
Pirates also have the problem of having to do violence on a regular basis, but without the glamour and respect of being Samurai.
All in all, I’d probably choose samurai.
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Cowboy - Pros: lowest chance of death, honest work for honest pay. Cons: hard work for low pay
Pirate - Does internet piracy count? I get seasick to easily to be the boat kind. Also the death.
Samurai - Maybe an Edo period samurai, when they were mostly bureaucrats.
Yes I am a pirate, 200 years too late. The cannon don’t thunder, there’s nothing to plunder. I’m an over 40 victim of fate arriving too late.
Arriving too late.
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Surely a pirate in the Caribbean or the Philippines wouldnt be too awful as you wouldn’t be out at sea that much and close to land. For me it’s the exploration and discovery that appeals to a life of piracy, but in reality I imagine it would be an absolute dog shit existence, especially compared to that of a samurai (minimal bloodshed unless there’s a war) or cowboy (you look after horses on a ranch). However, many pirates just did a stint and then returned back home, so what’s 2-3 years of making booty and having PTSD from cannon fire/pillaging.
Skin conditions would be a bitch
