Instead of hating Christmas, you should hate the people that sent your friend to Iraq to die for absolutely nothing.

You don’t hate christmas, you hate that christmas reminds you of the loss of your friend.

You’re not “supposed to pretend that it doesn’t kill you that” your friend isnt there. It sounds like you’ve learnt a horrible toxic idea that men aren’t allowed to be emotional or that crying or being sad is weak, or that you have to bottle this up.

You need to allow yourself to grieve. I can understand hiding this from young children, but that doesn’t mean bottling it up entirely. Tall to your wife. Think about ways you could express and release this each year - maybe set a day aside to remember him and celebrate him with other friends?

And maybe think about therapy in the new year - you need to learn how to process and express how you feel, not bottle it up and let it eat your up with resentment and hate. It’s misdirected and is harming you and potentially your loved ones each year.

Would your friend want you to remember him by being miserable and resentful during the holidays? Or would he want you to remember the good times and share why you loved him and missed him with other people so they can know what a great guy he was?

I’m sorry you lost someone you cared about so much. For whatever reason grief isnt looked at as serious mental anguish. It hurts to lose someone. It hurts so goddamn much and I’m sorry you are suffering.

And you’re allowed to hate Christmas. No one has to enjoy every holiday. There’s no law requiring you to like it. You’re not a bad person, and it’s perfectly reasonable to feel the way you do.

I fucking hate Christmas too. For similar reasons to yours. My friend was murdered many years ago in December and I still hate Christmas. So at the very least you aren’t alone, not that it takes the pain away or anything.

Remember, It’s okay to not be okay and to not participate if it’s negatively effecting you. Do what you need to do to survive the holidays. You matter too. Your pain is real, and self care is more important now than ever. I don’t care how cheesy or cringe I sound because it’s true. Please be kind to yourself.

Hey man, I’m sorry this is a rough time for you. But maybe you’re looking at Christmas all wrong.

The origin of Christmas wasn’t anything to do with the birth of Christ, but was a way for humans to get through the literal darkest time of the year. This is the moment when the natural world throws all it had against us and takes away one of the things that we require to be happy (sunlight). Society doesn’t do much, if anything, for summer solstice because most people are in a good mood. But we sure as hell do for winter solstice because, before modern society, shit was about to get rough.

I also have to face a lot of loss during this time as well. My mom died on Dec 19th 2020, and my brother overdosed and died 4 days later. Then a year later my dad died on Dec 30th. This time of year is tough for me too. And I also don’t really deserve my amazing wife and kids either. But they sure as hell don’t deserve a sad sack of a father/husband.

Therapy helps a lot with this. It can be hard to find the words to talk about this with the people you love so it can be easier with a third party. Your family deserves you to be there for them and to be legitimately happy.

I hope you find peace and can put the past behind you.

• A rando on the internet

Sending a virtual cyber hug your way. I’m a bit the same with Thanksgiving. Feeling a loss during a “cheery happy time” blows. Not too much else I can say. I hope you get through it.

Intended in the most compassionate way possible: that sucks.

Hopefully one day, you’ll be able disassociate when you heard about Steve from the anger about why.

I mean that with honest good intent, sorry if it sounds off.

Steve sounds like the kind of person who would be every bit proud of you, even posthumously. He was there for his people, after all.

Steve would be happy for you, and proud of the life you built. Xmas is bullshit but the kids and low IQ normies let them enjoy it. Hang in there buddy you ain’t alone.

You’ve got the right to hate it all. Absolutely. There is no deserving anything.

But you’ve got what you’ve got. There is no sense to any of it. Christmas will come at you again and again and again for the rest of your life.

I hope that you make some peace with it for Steve. Give Steve all the best Christmas that you can every year. Give a faire holiday to your family. Give them to your friends. Give them to strangers.

And eventually I hope that you can give yourself a fine and cozy Christmas, too.

We are at the darkest time of our year together. I hope that someday you can find some light for a Merry Christmas.

I feel you.

To date, I’ve lost five people within two days of Christmas. Another two within a week.

You get enough shit built up around any holiday and it starts to grind away at any joy of it. But Christmas? It’s so much worse because there’s the holiday.

So, losing someone on Christmas eve? That is fucking horrible. It just fucks the entire idea of Christmas right out.

And people always seem so surprised about it. Like, how the fuck are you supposed to just forget and enjoy it?

You can get help, and likely should, given the impact. Many workplaces offer an Employee Assistance Program, or EAP. It’s not hosted by your employer it’s just easier access to therapy.

Sounds like a fair reason to hate it, don’t have much to say/offer besides condolences.

I imagine it would’ve made Steve smile if you made them kids and wife super happy around Christmas, but what do I know?

A few more days, then we’re on to sales, new years and that weird time when everyone’s jazzed on a new year but exhausted from the last one.

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