• @oyfrog
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      781 month ago

      Let’s unpack this.

      Do you mean that convicted baby-eater and Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, who died 17 days ago at the age of 153, had rat’s penis transplanted onto him?

      Or do you mean that Mark Zuckerberg, sole founding member of Rat Penis Enthusiasts’ Quarterly, had a rat transplanted onto his penis?

      I’m asking because the details matter in these trying times.

  • @Aganim
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    1 month ago

    In other news, Elon Musk was rushed to the hospital today because of ‘a foreign object being lodged in his rectum’. A reliable source mentioned that the billionaire slipped and fell on an unfortunately placed basket of potatoes.

    An attending physician anonymously commented that the object proved difficult to remove as ‘the patient was extremely uptight’.

    Further information will be shared as it becomes available.

    • @oyfrog
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      191 month ago

      Was this ‘foreign object’ a certain social media founder’s rat penis?

      • @[email protected]
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        71 month ago

        I thought it was his head but apparently that has been stuck up there for a while and is a pre existing condition and this was something new

    • @dufkm
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      71 month ago

      slipped and fell on an unfortunately placed basket of potatoes

      “It was a million to one shot, doc, million to one”

    • sepi
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      51 month ago

      Elon got pegged once and became a size queen

    • @Sonor
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      21 month ago

      how much time does a foreign object has to spend in your rectum to cease being foreign and became a permanent resident?

  • @Gradually_Adjusting
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    1 month ago

    If facts wanted to stay on social media, they should have cared about billionaires’ feelings.

  • don
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    461 month ago

    [Community note: Mark Zuckerberg died due to having his bowel perforated during sexual relations with a horse. The rest, however, is fact.]

  • @RattlerSix
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    261 month ago

    This is not true. He died of complications following a botched at-home fecal transplant

    • Flying SquidOP
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      191 month ago

      Sure, if you believe the coroner they bribed to cover up the other stuff.

  • @dx1
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    1 month ago

    I don’t want them to be the arbiters of truth, but they do need to fix their algorithms to not blow up every single bullshit piece of right-wing hysteria.

    There is a fundamentally political aspect to how social media algorithms promote posts. They need to be designed to be impartial and promote thorough examination of facts instead of “controversy”.

    • @[email protected]
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      1 month ago

      The problem is these fucks want to have their cake and eat it too.

      They want to hold a monopoly on online social interactions, which also means having a monopoly on dissemination and propagation of information. But they are simultaneously doing their damndest to avoid the social responsibility that comes with that power and control. (Fixing their algorithm means reducing engagement, therefore the line goes up less) And they are succeeding because all of our regulations around this type of thing are focused on the legacy model of print and broadcast media.

      It’s the same thing that companies like Uber have been successfully doing: Carve out and control an important public service (on-demand personal transportation, in Uber’s case) and then shrug off the social responsibility by claiming that the regulations and protections that applied to the legacy model don’t apply to you for [waves hands in the air] some reason.

      • @dx1
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        61 month ago

        You phrase it like abdication of responsibilities, I think both cases (Facebook and Uber) are actively malevolent.

        • @[email protected]
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          31 month ago

          I don’t fully agree-- mainly because I see these actions coming from a desire to hoard money and power above all else. What we perceive as malevolence is just them literally not giving a shit.

          It’s pretty much that Mad Men quote:

          I feel bad for you.

          I dont think about you at all.

          Except replace “I feel bad for you” with “I think you’re evil”

          It matters at some level because the way you go after sociopathic greed is different from.the way you go after true desire to harm. But is there a net difference for you and me…? Yeah not really.

          • @dx1
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            11 month ago

            When they make the conscious decision to do the thing that’s worse for their users because it makes them more money, that’s malevolence. Business decisions of that scale rarely happen by accident.

  • @[email protected]
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    181 month ago

    I’d say we should churn out AI slop ourselves that says all these CEOs are dying from autoeroticasphyxia, but we know they wouldn’t actually apply their rules equally.

  • sepi
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    171 month ago

    Right after getting the rat penis transplant. Coincidence?

  • @IphtashuFitz
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    161 month ago

    TIL Facebook is headquartered in Nebraska.

    • @idiomaddict
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      1 month ago

      Don’t take anything in this as true, it’s Menlo Park, ca

      Edit: actually that’s meta, I’m not clear whether fb has a separate hq

  • @ilinamorato
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    1 month ago

    Careful with your satire, folks. He’s got money, and people with money tend to be pretty quick on the “defamation lawsuit” trigger.

    Edit: I’m not saying don’t. Please do. But be careful about what you say, and where you post it; and probably stay as anonymous as you can when/if you do.

    • @The_v
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      291 month ago

      Satire against a public figure has historically been ruled as free speech.

      Until the corrupt billionaires pay the corrupt assholes on the supreme court enough to overturn it of course.

      • @ilinamorato
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        81 month ago

        Yeah, that’s what I’m saying. We’re there. Be careful.

        • @[email protected]
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          61 month ago

          If there’s one thing that’s been clear is that businesses have more rights than humans so we should all register an S Corp in some state that has super lax reporting laws and then post as CEOs of that company.

          If they take you to court tell them that you have limited liability as an officer of a corporation and that they need to sue the corporation.

          Since the corporation has no assets and no income, you start bankruptcy proceedings. Set up a second company and repeat.

            • @[email protected]
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              51 month ago

              my attorney friend (note: We did not establish privilege) said pretty much the same thing. It’s a lot easier to dismiss liability for an officer of a corporation than for an individual person.

              We shit talked very informally and pretty much came to the conclusion that so long as you don’t pierce the corporate veil (e.g. spending company money on personal things), you are pretty protected.

                • @[email protected]
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                  11 month ago

                  This was a few years ago. Pretty much most of the red flyover states (Arkansas, Minnesota, etc.)

                  Basically my criteria was:

                  • very low or free filing
                  • reporting requirements that can be filed online
                  • had strong liability protections

                  Most states (even blue states) have pretty strong liability protections so long as you write your bylaws correctly.

                  But free filing was rare. Most had some sort of annual business license fee.

    • Flying SquidOP
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      231 month ago

      He’s welcome to try to get the $200 or so that’s in my bank account if he really wants it.

      • Victor
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        61 month ago

        I hope you get back on your feet soon bro ❤️💰

        • Flying SquidOP
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          21 month ago

          That’s as on your feet as it gets for a lot of Americans. But I hope so too, thanks.

      • @Test_Tickles
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        31 month ago

        Nice humble bragging, “Oh look at me, my bank account is in the positive.”

        • Flying SquidOP
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          31 month ago

          Would it help if I said it’s only because my wife gives me money since I don’t have a job?

          • @Test_Tickles
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            31 month ago

            “oh no, I am a kept man, woe is me!”.
            The next thing you will tell us is how difficult it is to have such a hot and horny wife who insists that you have frequent and amazing sex with her.

        • @[email protected]
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          21 month ago

          Well, my bank account is in the positive too.

          My shoes are worn down and rain is an actual health hazard now because I’ve nearly slipped half a dozen times in the last week alone and impaired balance makes that a stochastic time bomb, but at least I can still pay the incoming medical bills. Hopefully. Or at least the first installment.

          But hey, positive balance! I’m sure that won’t trick my impulse buying problem into telling itself I can afford- ooh look, there’s a shiny new game!

    • @Aganim
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      21 month ago

      He’s welcome to try, that’s not going to fly where I’m from.

      • @ilinamorato
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        31 month ago

        Look at Mr. Fancypants here, living in a place with a functional judiciary

      • @ilinamorato
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        41 month ago

        Yeah right ok but again, money. And Money creates around it a legality-distortion field.

  • BlackLaZoR
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    131 month ago

    It’s funny how he made 180 degree turn right after Trump won everything

  • @Professorozone
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    111 month ago

    OMG that’s awesome. Not enough upvotes for this.

  • @Aqarius
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    81 month ago

    Weird, I could’ve sworn this exact same joke about Musk when he bought twitter and did the same.

  • @errer
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    41 month ago

    Don’t threaten me with a good time