My gender therapist told me this in response to something I said referencing my chest. It was a while ago but it’s stuck with me. I’m wondering what you all think of this comment? The comment felt disqualifying, like I was less male for calling my chest a “breast”, or I would be seen as less male because of it, but I can be pretty sensitive so I might be overthinking and she might be right that men don’t talk like that.
Men can get breast cancer. It’s more rare for men than women, but not totally uncommon. If we called it chest cancer, that would be confusing since the heart and lungs also reside in the chest. I wonder what your therapist would think about that.
I thought I was a man for most of my life and I’ve only ever heard a man refer to another male’s upper chest as a breast, in a non-insulting way one time.
It was Mark Twain in some book. It sounded weird and antiquated to my ear like a lot of the language his books.
Its not common in the modern american english I have encountered. You should speak how you want, but I wouldn’t recommend it. Not because it would clock you, but because there are plenty of insecure men out there who might take offense to it.
edit: third time trying to rewrite the first sentence probably got it right this time.
Any form of gender policing is oppressive and should be ignored. Your therapist is obviously wrong and should not be taken seriously. If you like to behave and talk like most men do then that’s cool, but it should be your own choice and not something your therapist tells you to do. I don’t think the way people call breasts is gendered that way but who knows.
I sometimes notice that I feel like I need to behave more ‘manly’ to convince others that I’m actually trans but rationally I think that that’s silly. I try to just accept the way I am because I don’t want to conform to this enforced gendered society.
Cis guy here. I would agree with her and interpret it as friendly advice to help you pass as one of the guys. About the only context in which I can imagine calling a guy’s chest a “breast” would be, IDK, if I were doing some melodramatic Shakespearian/ren faire “ye olde” speak, or something silly like that.
'Course, I wasn’t there, so maybe there was something about the tone or context that would imply a less favorable interpretation – YMMV.
You are a man and you said “breast” so by definition, men say “breast.”
As an observation, I think it’s valid. As a criticism of any kind, it’s shit.
I refer to my man boobs, sure, but don’t really say breasts. It is what it is, anecdotally of course.
But I also don’t know I’d even notice if a friend of mine said something about his breast.
Also not trans, just want to be part of the conversation.
Or maybe more directly, referring to breasts as “breasts” does not in an absolute sense disqualify someone from being a man.
Even if this seems trivially true, it doesn’t stop people from taking generalizations (like men typically say chest rather than breast) and applying them in either a policing fashion or in a disqualifying / gatekeeping fashion.
OP might just need to talk to the therapist about the comment and walk through how they experienced it.
In voice therapy a trans person might intentionally train to mimic common stereotypes in gendered speech patterns, sometimes it’s just pragmatic and useful to be clued into those gendered generalizations to help pass - we don’t know if the therapist was trying to likewise be helpful and accidentally came across as policing or gatekeeping.
Wishing you luck OP!
Not talking about your feelings with the person you’re literally paying to listen to your feelings is the most male thing I can think of.
Bring it up with them again, it’s most likely purely performative advice, yes men are less likely to reference themselves like that but as you can see from this thread it’s not an actual rule.
As a man I call my underwear Panties and the confusion it sows is just so great. Would probably say Bosom before Breast, but same energy.
I call them manties lol
Im not trans, so this isnt my space, but I do have a lot of experience being a guy in the US, and can say that women’s bodies or no-no zones for discussion in any meaningful way until you’re married to one. Nothing ever gets referred to in an anatomically correct way. I’m 38 and saying the word “vagina” literally feels bad, like I’ve done something wrong by using the word.
I dont believe she is trying to invalidate you in any way, but maybe trying to give an earnest piece of advice for someone who missed that particular cultural touchstone.
In very many ways what you experienced is par for the course as a man, although it is usually not something that would apply to me, and I’m sorry that you’re experiencing this.
Of course my situation is not your situation, so your mileage may vary. Beat of luck to you.
It is true that man in general don’t use, rarely use, term breast when referring to their chest but that doesn’t make you any more or less man by calling your chest breast. I mean both words are right to use.
One of my friends was unlucky enough to have a big bosom in high-school. It was a running gag to call them “large tracts of land” and “heaving breast’s”, she was in on it. You can say whatever you want bro
Locker room version: men will say nipple without any issue when talking about the nipple itself, or chest or pecks if talking about the fleshy bits behind said nipple. If someone is a bit overweight they might call them man-boobs, moobs, or similar. Usually it’s gentle ribbing rather than intended offense, but sometimes it is intended to be a bit cruel depending on the tone. I have never heard a man refer to their “breast” in any context.
If you ask a man if they have breasts, you will get 99% “no” as the answer. You can’t refer to a body part you don’t have.
I might be in a bubble though. Hope this helps.
+1 to this for my personal anecdotal experience as a cis man. If I’m wearing a suit or something, I might refer to something that is in my breast pocket, or if I was ever to wear armor for some cool reason, I might wear a breast plate, but I can’t think of any other situation where I would ever refer to that upper torso part of myself as a breast. But like everyone else is saying, you do you, dude.
I think the best course of action here is to just tell the therapist that what she said felt invalidating to you, and ask why she said it. How she reacts will be a good indicator on whether it was intentional and whether she is a good fit for you.
She may have been trying to give you (seemingly unasked for, based on your post) passing advice without endorsing the sentiment behind it, and just came off badly. If you don’t want her input on what she thinks would make you pass better, you can absolutely tell her that. You get to set boundaries with the therapist, too.
Am male, been so for 5 decades.
We all say “breast,” anyone who denies this is the weird one.
We do say breast, however, myself and most males I know rarely refer to their chest as their breast. Still a little odd their therapist felt like pressing this issue though.
I try to play it close to my breast.
I personally just say white meat
Here’s a stackexchange convo about that which might interest you!
But yeah basically you can absolutely say breast if you want, it’s a thing already. Even if it wasn’t you could still just show the middle finger to conventions and say whatever you want
Im a straight male and I refer to mine as my boobs or titties.
I, too, could stand to lose a bit of weight.
Same. Last year, I reached a new high score on my prescribed antidepressant dosage, which caused me to gain some weight. I have some smol tiddies now.
I think it’s funny. Like, it’s called “breast tissue”. Breasts, tits, honkers, pecks, etc. Whatever you wanna call your own body is valid.
Straight cis Guys who aren’t fat can have boobies and im tired of being discriminated against
I think you need a better therapists who doesn’t feel the need to police the way you express yourself.
I don’t get the sense the therapist was trying to “police” them at all. They said people might perceive him as less male if he calls his chests “breasts.” Maybe not a great move to give advice as a therapist, but hardly a reason to terminate therapy.
Therapists are humans who make errors and miscommunications just like everyone else. Part of going to therapy is learning to be able to talk through your emotions about these things, and part of being a therapist is continually repairing the relationship when it gets strained. If he brings this up with his therapist and gets pushback, that would be a different story, but that’s unlikely to be the case given what we know. He should just tell her how it made him feel.
