21 year old German here.
This question is for Americans who have been to Germany before (or might’ve had any interaction with Germans). And I know there are a lot of Americans on this platform who bash and hate on their own country but I hope to get an answer that’s as truthful and unbiased as possible.
So as someone who’s very sensitive I always felt like people here are way too cruel and direct. It’s a prevalent stereotype that Germans are very direct and cold. I know that a big part of this is my own perception and mental state that will cause these types of perceptions independent from the country because there will always be assholes.
But I wonder if it could be true that some of my observation might actually be because Germans might actually be more cruel. If you guys are really honest I wonder if it is possible that Americans might be slightly more nice than Germans and which country you think is actually more cruel in general. (Hope this question is not too stupid)
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I have never been to germany but realize the US is very large and how people act on average varies from region to region. I also assume you mean in public vs at home as that also varies. Lastly how one is to your face to how their views are vary. So like folks in new york are known for being brusque but they tend to support more progressive laws and such while in areas of the south folks can be very nice if they see you as one of theirs but societal wise cruel. When they get home it can totally change when they relate to family. Its just so variable here.
People in the US can be very cruel and direct. I have had people tell me and even their children in front of me that I should kill myself for being tall.
The gov now seems to be built around being cruel to anyone different. I would say that’s the only consistency.
I think Germans are generally quieter and more direct but I rarely thought of them as rude or cruel. I feel like Germans are more on the same page and more likely to work together for a common goal.
For example it was cool to experience Ruhezeit especially in a bigger city like Munich but I doubt it would ever become a thing in the US on a scale larger than a small neighborhood!
I think it’s reassuring that there were mass anti-extremism protests through out Germany against AfD. To me, this shows me there is a kindness within the culture and a desire to prevent the hate expressed during the Nazi regime.
I would say culturally, Germans are serious and honest, which could come off as cold on first impression. But I have experienced kindness and understanding in most interactions especially when it was apparent I could not speak Deutsch.
I have personnally experienced a realtor stand up for me after just meeting when landlord was trying to nickle and dime me out of my deposit for a 40 year old house. He flat out said he would not work with him if he would not provide my deposit back in full.
As mentioned, milage may vary and people all have theor own personality, but I have not had a bad experience with any Germans.
I mean Americans are more likely to strike up a conversation with a stranger than a German and they will probably be more polite while doing it.
As a country, the US is much crueller than Germany though. I’m not going to tell you that Germany is perfect, but there are expectations about what is acceptable that simply don’t exist in the US. If you visit the US you’re going to be overwhelmed by the sheer number of homeless people and particularly the number of homeless people on crutches, because it’s ok not to give them needed medical aid. Similarly there’s an overwhelming number of school shootings where every other country has simply stopped them via gun control. You also have basically no workers rights compared to Europe and if you’re poor it’s assumed to be your fault.
Again, you will see aspects of this in Germany, but the US simply has many of the worse aspects turned up to 11.
Yes I would say in most parts of the US (with the exception of the major East Coast cities) strangers are a bit more superficially considerate, personable, and conscientious towards eachother than I’ve witnessed in Germany or Austria.
After you get used to it IMO it’s kind of a relief to not have to put on aires for every interaction though.
People are cruel everywhere.
Unfortunately that’s true :(
Only thing we can do is try to make the world a better place one by one
my favorite lightbulb joke is:
q. how many germans does it take to change a lightbulb? a. one because they are efficient and without humor.
Lol, I like that XD. But it’s probably true. I think there might be something about Germans that makes them overly efficient/structured to the point where they lose the humor and warmth. Like as if they lack being “casual” and seem very uptight. Does that make sense?
An outsiders perspective on German efficiency: it seems like you’re all taught that there is a correct way to do everything.
Non Germans may be taught that there is a correct way for one or two things and maybe other correct ways are acknowledged, but for the most part, we only need to do those few things actually correctly. Good enough is good enough for everything else
Yes that’s exactly it! I definitely realized that and it makes me extremely mad especially when it comes to my parents and particularly my dad. It’s like you have to do it in that specific way that they think is the only correct way even though that way doesn’t even make any sense. But they will fucking lecture you about it as if you’re stupid or something and tell you you’re not living correctly. Such retarded mf’s😤
Please remember Rule 1 to “be nice”.
I know this whole discussion is about cruelty, but still it helps if we here can have a discussion here that isn’t like that. Even (especially) if someone were to truthfully live up to that word.
Thing is, that behavior is often the envy of the rest off the planet. I see it as a trade off, but its often viewed as an exclusively good trait.
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US is a big place. Hospitality differs between new york and alamosa, colorado.
I always hear they have great hospitality in the south.
Unfortunately, a lot of southern hospitality is just superficial. It’s frequently a veneer of hospitality over a lot of judgment and hate.
I’ll take cold honesty over fake friendliness.
Yea I don’t think that’s the case. And even if I would still take fake friendliness over cold honesty every day. I think the stereotype of “fake friendliness” is more associated with areas like California/LA. I know some people from the South and they’re genuinely nice (and I can tell it’s real. I see it very quickly if someone is faking it). But as I stated in my post there are always assholes everywhere
I’ve lived in both the south, and in CA. There are wonderful people both places, and a lot of fake people. The amount of casual racism, bigotry, and hate has been much higher in the south. And it’s made it really hard to stomach their ‘hospitality’.
These racist people have no reason to wander around. Imagine having the wrong skin brightness and encountering one of these racist people in the middle of nowhere and they have a gun!
Fake friendliness exists everywhere in the US. It’s just our social lubricant. The problem is that Southern fake friendliness is sort of oppressive, they can be kind of pushy. As in you’re the rude one if you’re not interested in their hospitality or friendliness. As a New Jerseyan, I’d much rather be able to say a polite “no thanks” and have that be respected, which is what you get in the Northeast and in SoCal.
I prefer to be more direct. Not necessarily cold, just forthright. In the South there are all these layers of manners and expectations that can be hard for a Northerner to navigate. I think they often genuinely mean to be nice, but they don’t realize how pushy they are.
BTW I don’t have any real experience with Midwesterners but from what I understand, they can be similar to Southerners in this regard.
I prefer the Northeastern way to the Southern way, and I think I’d way prefer the German way to the Southern way.
I think I’d way prefer the German way to the Southern way.
Yea I’m definitely the exact opposite in that regard
I feel like the German government doesn’t actively hate the majority of the population, so I’m going to go with Americans having worse lives.
I mean the AFD hates all migrants and they make almost 20% of Germanys population…
They don’t speak for the whole federal government, though.
At least, not yet
I haven’t been to Germany, but my family has a large portion of Pennsylvania German that haven’t given up all the old ways of things. I’ve always felt rather similar to the feelings you describe.
From things I’ve come across, Germany in the 1800s and first half of the 1900s really focused on a conservative and staunchly obedient household structure. I mostly remember growing up being a matter of “do what I say and don’t talk back” more than any concern for me as a child. My grandparents were very nice to me though.
I’m twice as old as you, but even so, that period of time isn’t so long ago that it isn’t still rippling down in its effects on people raised that way.
I don’t think I’ve met many other families that have been as emotionally detached as mine, though I feel others’ families always look happier than our own, because we know more things our own family are guilty of.
Being raised how I was has definitely had negative effects on me. I’m still largely insecure and have difficulties being proud of myself or my accomplishments. I don’t trust my family the way I do my friends.
I don’t feel it’s any particular thing about the German people. I’ve met some very nice Germans online, and nobody should be lumped into a group anyway. After all, you are German, but you don’t want to be the way you feel everyone else around you is. We all have the opportunity to break the chain of doing to others what has been done to us. Our elders may have been raised in a time of unfortunate child psychology we have yet to free ourselves of, but that doesn’t make Germans any better or worse than Americans.
Man that sounds so much like me, so at least I’m not alone. Maybe it’s some curse about the Germans. I wouldn’t recommend judging people from just online though since that often is pretty misrepresentative from how they actually are. So even if some of the Germans were nice online, belief me there are a lot of not so nice Germans including my parents.
But you’re definitely right especially about the last part.
I can only judge people from how I get to see them act. For much of my life my family would say I was about worthless, and I don’t think that’s true, so I’d never want to do that to someone else. Everyone gets the benefit of the doubt to start with though.
Just do your best and you will eventually meet people who are the type of people you want. There might never be as many as you may hope, but they’re out there! I have some great friends I consider closer than my family, but most of us have been messed up a little along the way by someone or another. We just commiserate about what our families put us through. 🙄
… in the 1800s and first half of the 1900s really focused on a conservative and staunchly obedient household structure. I mostly remember growing up being a matter of “do what I say and don’t talk back” more than any concern for me as a child.
Fwiw this sounds like it %100 could be written about Catholics too.
Lol yeah, that’s what the other side of my family is and it wasn’t much different. They seemed a little more emotionally connected and concerned about things other than just saying ignore it and move on, but neither side was very supportive, especially emotionally.
