Maybe I am into dragnet. Fuck ICE.
ICE Deez nuts
Fuck ICE
ICE is a racist and corrupt organization that oversees nightmarish modern-day concentration camps. For the most part, people who sign up to work for ICE are doing so because they specifically want to be in the position of punishing vulnerable foreigners who haven’t done anything wrong.
Well, they did do something wrong. They were born foreign. /s
Yes I am. And you should too.
How should I go about telling ICE that they can fuck all the way off up their own asses? Who should I notify that I’m calling them a division of the MAGAstappo? Do I need forms in triplicate stating that it is my firm opinion that not a single person who works for or cooperates with ICE is or can possibly be a good person? Do I specifically need to use social media to say that nobody who works for ICE is deserving of love?
https://www.ice.gov/webform/ice-tip-form
Report them to themselves for human trafficking? Better yet, report a local racist.
Caveat: providing false information to law enforcement is a crime, unlike law enforcement lying to other citizens. In all seriousness, just avoiding them and not aiding them goes a long way, too.
“Have you seen any undocumented people?”
“I don’t know.”
“Have you seen any people?”
“I don’t know.”
“Can you see me right now?”
“I dont know.”
Bonus points if you use “No lo se.”
So fragile.
Yes, yes I am. Fuck you ICE, go sit in a donut shop and eat where you belong.
Respectfully, I must disagree. Bad cops should NOT get donuts.
So you believe no cops deserve doughnuts?
DEFENSE ATTORNEY’S OPENING STATEMENT
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,
Today, we find ourselves at the heart of a controversy over words—mere words—that my client, a private citizen, expressed in a moment of personal opinion. The prosecution would have you believe that by saying, “No cops deserve donuts,” my client committed some grievous offense. But I ask you—since when did expressing a view about breakfast pastries become a crime?
Let’s analyze this statement logically. Nowhere did my client call for harm, advocate for violence, or incite any illegal action. They did not say police officers should be denied their legal right to purchase donuts, nor did they interfere with any officer’s access to baked goods. At worst, this is an unpopular opinion about who is deserving of a treat—nothing more, nothing less.
The First Amendment of the United States Constitution explicitly protects free speech, including statements that may be controversial, divisive, or even offensive to some. Are we to live in a society where expressing a strong opinion about food allocation becomes a legal matter? If my client had said, “No lawyers deserve coffee,” would we be standing in this courtroom today? I think not.
The prosecution may argue that this statement was meant as an insult, but let’s be honest—police officers, like all of us, are no strangers to criticism. Their service, though invaluable, does not place them above public commentary. Furthermore, let us not ignore the playful, perhaps even tongue-in-cheek, nature of this statement. Are we to criminalize sarcasm? Ban humor? Outlaw pastry preferences?
Ladies and gentlemen, my client did not deny officers their rights. They did not prevent a single donut transaction. They did not issue a call to arms against glazed or jelly-filled pastries. They simply shared a personal viewpoint—one that, while perhaps controversial in certain coffee shops, is well within their legal rights.
At the end of the day, I trust you to make the right decision: to uphold the principles of free speech, reject this absurd overreach, and find my client not guilty of the so-called “crime” of having an opinion.
Thank you.
Opinions are like butts
This took 3000% more effort than strictly necessary and I value every drop of it.
That was beautiful. Thanks for a fun read.
ICE can get Electro-Gonorrhea: the noisy killer
I learned about that in middle school hygiene!
Fuck ICE
yes I am. I’ve gone so far as to not order any ice in drinks and I fully nut in any ice machine I see
fully? you don’t go half-cocked i see
Fuck ice, i like room temp drinks
I drink my horchata warm, because Fuk Eyes.
Fuck ICE. I’ve started referring to them as the American Schutzstaffel. That has more appropriate acronym for them too.
Truth hurts
