What else would happen in Heck?
You can never seem to remember where you parked your car and you wander a parking garage for eternity
The soap dispenser is always nearly empty, but squirts just enough to be useful if you pump it a bunch.
in heck you have to travel everywhere by car. and there’s always traffic.
just woke up and want to brush your teeth? that’s gonna be a 15 minute drive to the bathroom. watching tv and want to take a break to get a snack? 20 minute drive to the kitchen. want to go to the supermarket to pick up some more milk? 40 minute drive, round trip.
idk man it just sounds like America
And the car’s stereo is broken.
the stereo is stuck on the christian rock station. even worse.
Every toilet clogs and overflows the water
No email or chat. All work communication are through scheduled face to face meetings.
The first circle of heck is for people who listen to media in public without headphones. They shall walk through life with lots of AV media available to them, but the soundtrack never matches the video.
The second circle of heck is for the people who take up two parking spaces. They are damned to a place where they all have shittier cars than everyone else forever.
The third circle of heck is for people who pull fire alarms as pranks. They may live their lives as normal, except sometimes a loud noise will happen and they will be taken outside the building and drowned with a fire hose for awhile. Forever.
The fourth circle of heck is for programmers who don’t document their code. They will be stranded in a country whose language they have no way of learning.
The fifth circle of heck is for Toyota engineers. For the sin of putting the oil filter directly underneath the exhaust manifold, they shall have the skin of the back of their hands blowtorched off a few times a day, every day.
The sixth circle of heck is for the people who just can’t get out of the way at the grocery store. All of the delicious food they could ever want is buried 5 miles deep, and they are equipped with oven mitts on their hands for digging.
The seventh circle of heck is for people who modify their cars to have loud exhausts, get a dog that barks at all hours of the day, etc. They live normal lives, but they can hear the Sun.
Holy fuck, that last one is evil. Totally deserved.
Also, I’m reminded of Billy Joel’s “Blonde Over Blue”
In hell there’s a big hotel
where the bar just closed and the windows never open
no phone so you can’t call home
And the TV works, but the clicker is broken
Giving me Hotel California vibes
You can never get rid of that last dribble of poo
Coldplay on repeat with a scratched CD burner from a low 96k bitrate MP3.
We’re in Heck, not in Heaven
Freak.
Every time you eat something, some food getd stuck in your teeth and you can’t get it out for hours.
Washing dishes, the cloth is always dirty
Every time you undo your seatbelt, the belf doesn’t retract properly and you have to fiddle with it for ages, if you try getting out of the car you just get tangled in it
You can only use an old sponge that can’t hold water anymore
You have to use AI as an intermediary to speak to anyone.
I think perhaps you could build an entire community around this premise.
My list, FWIW:
Sinks in public washrooms either don’t turn on when you put your hand under it, or only turns on when you pull your hands away.
The other lane always moves faster.
Everyone is always, always clearing their throats.
Please, make this. I have too many communities, or I would
Every month, you have to give a large proportion of your income to someone who owns 40 houses and you have to go through them to get anything in the house fixed. Every time you attempt to do that, they will complain and potentially buy some white paint, even if it is a plumbing issue.
Easy there, Satan, they said a lighter version of hell.
building guillotine
I’m already in heck, what are they gonna do to me?
Every floor and piece of furniture will be made of wood and randomly (and nearly always at the worst times) you will get splinters that you cant remove from your skin.
Your pillow is always warm on both sides
I live in a place where it can hit -40… for most of the year, that’s heckven
When washing your hands, water always is running into your sleeve.
And if you don’t wash your hands after using the toilet, your hands will be covered in Doritos dust for a day no matter what.
Satan? Is that you?
