• Grammaton Cleric
    link
    1558 months ago

    I saw an angel take a shit, then eat said shit.

    God works in mysterious ways.

    • @hypertownOP
      link
      398 months ago

      This reminds me of the story about some old dude’s dog that always shits on my neighbor’s sidewalk. One day neighbor saw that and run to that guy with scary look on his face. He started scolding old guy that he should clean after his dog and old guy respond he’s too old to do that, his back hurt and stuff. The dog saw the whole thing and in a shame he just ate his own shit so poor old man didn’t have to clean it up.

      • @SpaceNoodle
        link
        178 months ago

        Kudos to the dog.

        If you’re unable to care for a pet, you need to find it a new home.

    • @[email protected]
      link
      fedilink
      178 months ago

      my angel went one level derper.

      he took a shit, ate it, puked up that eaten shit, then started eating that shitty puke… which he puked.

      had to throw out that sofa.

      • Flying SquidM
        link
        68 months ago

        One of mine brought in a frozen turd one winter and started chewing on it.

  • @Agent641
    link
    838 months ago

    Angels attacked a friend of mine for more than 90 minutes, taking off and eating part of her legs, arms, breast and face. The paramedics that eventually brought her to the hospital were so traumatized they still have not returned to work. My friend has had 11 reconstructive surgeries so far.

    #touchedbyanangel

      • @Agent641
        link
        258 months ago

        He works in such mysterious ways. But I Trust in his greater (meal) plan

      • @Agent641
        link
        268 months ago

        These were 4 german shepherd angels

        • @havokdj
          link
          -78 months ago

          Ah yes, dogs made to hunt and maim humans hurt your friend, so all dogs are bad as a consequence.

          I’m truly sorry for what happened to your friend, but people are 100% responsible for their pets. Be not angry at the dogs, but the person that owned them.

  • @[email protected]
    link
    fedilink
    368 months ago

    Imagine a pitbull goring a toddler before looking you dead in the eyes and saying “BE NOT AFRAID”

  • @LotrOrc
    link
    298 months ago

    Damn a lot of you hate dogs huh

    • @hypertownOP
      link
      298 months ago

      Well I like dogs but they certainly aren’t angles

    • @AquaTofana
      link
      178 months ago

      Right? These comments are wild. I used to browse r/dogfree because I thought it was (mostly) satire and OTT on purpose, and I’d laugh at a lot of it. I thought it was parodying something else.

      Every once in a while there’d be stories that made me empathize and feel bad for the person, like some people were saying that they had severe debilitating allergies and they couldn’t frequent their favorite restaurants anymore because pet patios were installed - yeah that sucks.

      Some stories were even straight up super sad, like people who were traumatized from being bitten/attacked earlier on in their lives. Yeah - I’d probably be wary of dogs too if that happened to me.

      But the vast majority of those comments were like “OMG DOGS STINK AND THEY SLOBBER EVERYWHERE. HOLY SHIT THEY LICK THEIR NUTS LOL FUCK DOGS AMIRIGHT?! THEY POOP ON THE FLOOR - GROSS.” I genuinely thought those were purposeful parody stories because hating dogs for just existing is such a…weird stance.

      Apparently it’s a thing though 🤷‍♀️.

      • Roboticide
        link
        68 months ago

        I wanna know if they all applied those sentiments to all pets.

        There isn’t a single domesticated animal that isn’t “gross” and has to be cleaned up after constantly. Dogs will shit on the floor when you don’t let them outside to shit in nature, but a cat doing what it’s supposed to do will shit in a box you have to empty regularly and shreds your furniture for fun. At least dogs only lick their balls, cats have the flexibility to straight up lick their assholes.

        • @[email protected]
          link
          fedilink
          48 months ago

          You can train a cat to shit in the toilet and flush. Also, we accidently locked our cat out of access to the litter box at night ones and he shat in the corner of a closet, which I honestly just found very sad but polite

          • @[email protected]
            link
            fedilink
            English
            1
            edit-2
            8 months ago

            I don’t know if that’s possible with every cat. Some cats are smart and some cats are dumb, just like people. Not only that, but even if the cat is smart enough, sometimes they just don’t want to listen.

            Have you trained your cat to do this? I don’t even know where you would start, but I’m interested.

            • @[email protected]
              link
              fedilink
              28 months ago

              I have not, you have to train them from a really young age as cats get stubborn when they get older. We got our cat from a shelter, so we never got the chance to try. but basically you have to start with getting a litterbox which you can put on the toilet, after a while you can remove it and they keep dumping their load there. Not sure how you would get them to flush, but I have heard of cats doing just that

              • @[email protected]
                link
                fedilink
                English
                1
                edit-2
                8 months ago

                That’s wild! Thanks for the info. Yea my rescue cat is probably too old to try now, too. I will definitely remember this next time I wind up with a kitten.

      • @VoilaChihuahua
        link
        48 months ago

        Edgelords gonna edge. You like something common and popular? Well I don’t because I’m incredibly unique and tragically misunderstood - just like the other thousands of people whose sentiments I echo. Replying makes me a hypocrite, but pondering other’s self-imposed misery is a waste of your time. If we magically exterminated these pesky “x” all that pissy emotion would just transfer to the hot new “y”. Any reason to complain will do. It’s the act itself that releases the cortisol.

        • @AquaTofana
          link
          1
          edit-2
          8 months ago

          Last time I checked

          Edit: Wait…am I being mistaken for a bot? Because now I’m concerned.

    • 👁️👄👁️
      link
      fedilink
      English
      118 months ago

      Yeah I get a lot of online content is about cats, but hating dogs is just weird as hell

    • @Maalus
      link
      -28 months ago

      I personally hate any animal that poses a significant danger to me. So as much as I hate caracals, tigers, etc while loving cats, I hate large dogs that are aggressive, are able to kill me and if they decide to do so, I wouldn’t have too much of a defense against them. Anything else is fine by me.

      • @dustyData
        link
        English
        38 months ago

        A cat could kill you, easily. They literally have razor sharp claws in all their legs, a well placed puncture or even an infected cut could endanger your life. Cats have, rarely, killed babies. They are literally mostly carnivore tiny tigers who kill for a living.

        • @Duamerthrax
          link
          48 months ago

          Cats can also carry infection diseases on their claws, including toxoplasmosis.

          • @[email protected]
            link
            fedilink
            3
            edit-2
            8 months ago

            Cats prefer warm meat, so if you die and they are hungry they are multiple times more likely to start eating you immediately.

            Dogs at least will wait until its a survival issue.

            • @Q00
              link
              18 months ago

              Well I suppose its a better use of a corpse then just burying it.

  • @[email protected]
    link
    fedilink
    248 months ago

    I saw an angel casually walk down a street with a human head in his mouth. I’d post the video but, y’know, rule 4.

  • @Daft_ish
    link
    228 months ago

    What are you guys on about? Lucifer was an angel.

    • @[email protected]
      link
      fedilink
      318 months ago

      A hot, sexy angel, as the TV keeps telling me.

      But let’s be honest, God has killed way more people than Satan. Dude brags about it too, with his rainbows meaning

      “Haha, I promise not to hit you anymore… but I could.”

    • @Buddahriffic
      link
      108 months ago

      Which is funny because how would you even defy an omniscient, omnipresent, and omnipotent being?

      Though the old testament did write them more as old friends that disagreed on some things rather than bitter enemies, having bets and fucking with humans for their amusement. Kinda like the whole thing was made up by a bunch of different people at different times who didn’t all have a strong grasp on what real power was and thought it required anger like a human with power that only exists because of threats of violence and were really just trying to turn their wise reputation into their own power backed by a vengeful god’s power.

      • Which is funny because how would you even defy an omniscient, omnipresent, and omnipotent being?

        From what I remember when my parents took me to church as a kid, he just kept bugging God for power. Eventually God had enough of his shit.

  • @half_built_pyramids
    link
    218 months ago

    God with a thick rock hard dick under them robes, just throbbing at the thought of sending dogs to eat babies

  • kingthrillgore
    link
    fedilink
    198 months ago

    Angels in the Bible: “Be not afraid”

    Angels in Ultrakill: “I WILL WRITE A BIBLE STORY IN YOUR BLOOD, MACHINE!”

  • Hopps
    link
    English
    188 months ago

    According to the lore, demons are fallen angels so you can keep this narrative going

  • Flying SquidM
    link
    178 months ago

    My angels are really fucking stupid. And one of them killed and ate (half of) a mole yesterday.

    • @ZoopZeZoop
      link
      148 months ago

      That mole was coming right for you! That angel saved your life!

  • Bappity
    link
    English
    168 months ago

    pit bulls angels when they see a child

  • @spittingimage
    link
    128 months ago

    Hey, angels get hungry for that succulent childflesh just like anyone else.

  • @TORFdot0
    link
    English
    118 months ago

    This tracks. The God of the Bible sent an angel to kill the first born child of every household in Egypt unless they splattered lamb’s blood over their door. (Hence the Passover)