ROANOKE, VA—Local claims adjuster David Seaborne, a devoted husband and father of three, died Tuesday at the age of 37 following a long and painful personal battle with a 512-pound eastern lowland gorilla.
This is one of the best Onion articles ever. Read the whole thing.
G.E. Corporation = Gorilla Experimentation Corporation.
Wake up sheeple!
So being woke is good? Make up your mind!
Would it be better to die from gorilla in your sleep?