ROANOKE, VA—Local claims adjuster David Seaborne, a devoted husband and father of three, died Tuesday at the age of 37 following a long and painful personal battle with a 512-pound eastern lowland gorilla.
This is one of the best Onion articles ever. Read the whole thing.
General Electric used to have a big factory in Roanoke, so I’m guessing the gorillas are a result of industrial pollution from some sort of superfund site that has yet to be cleaned up.
General Electric used to have a big factory in Roanoke, so I’m guessing the gorillas are a result of industrial pollution from some sort of superfund site that has yet to be cleaned up.
G.E. Corporation = Gorilla Experimentation Corporation.
Wake up sheeple!
Gorilla infestations again!