(From Colbert last night.)

  • Mario_Dies.wav
    link
    fedilink
    3411 months ago

    Elvis had four-month-old compacted feces upon his death. I wonder how old the stool inside the oompa loompa king is right now. He could be carrying nuggets from the filming of Home Alone 2.

    • SharkAttak
      link
      fedilink
      1411 months ago

      How… how do they know.
      Did they open him up, saw those very-old-looking stools and said “we have to radio carbon that shit!”?

        • @Nikki
          link
          511 months ago

          it always comes back to the poop knife

      • Mario_Dies.wav
        link
        fedilink
        811 months ago

        “Look, corn! Last time I saw him eat corn was four months ago!”

        “Just write it down, Brian. I want to sew this motherfucker shut.”

      • @boraca
        link
        1111 months ago

        Also don’t do opioids, they can stop the movement of anything in the intestines. No amount of fibre would help Elvis.

        • Mister Neon
          link
          611 months ago

          As a son of a junkie I will agree to that.

          Eat more fiber, drink more water, and avoid opioids.

        • @stoly
          link
          311 months ago

          Yep. Stuff just stops flowing.

          It’s why they will give people a laxative to take along with their (short term) opioid prescription.

        • @Noodle07
          link
          211 months ago

          They’re called vegetarians

          • @stoly
            link
            111 months ago

            You might be surprised at two things that I speak of from personal experience:

            1. You might be surprised at how little fiber something like potato chips have.
            2. You might be surprised at how easy it is to become overweight while still eating a strict vegetarian diet.
      • @gac11
        link
        411 months ago

        And drink water. Fiber alone and you’ll get a blockage

        • Mister Neon
          link
          211 months ago

          Absolutely, ice water is the only true gamer beverage.

    • @[email protected]
      link
      fedilink
      811 months ago

      He’s allegedly incontinent and stuffed to the gills with stimulants so he’s probably emptying his bowels as soon as something hits his stomach

    • @stoly
      link
      411 months ago

      Wow, I had no idea. The drugs he was taking were really messing him up for sure, this sort of thing can happen to those who take pills for recreational uses. I thought it was smoked heroin honestly.

      • Mario_Dies.wav
        link
        fedilink
        311 months ago

        Yeah, being serious, I’ve actually known people who were addicted to heroin who were always constipated. It would be super hard for them to have a BM, and when they did manage to pass stool, it would plug up the toilet beyond belief. It can be a real serious issue.

    • @kmartburrito
      link
      111 months ago

      He’s got Buzz’s girlfriend in there. Woof!