(From Colbert last night.)

  • Mario_Dies.wav
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    3410 months ago

    Elvis had four-month-old compacted feces upon his death. I wonder how old the stool inside the oompa loompa king is right now. He could be carrying nuggets from the filming of Home Alone 2.

    • SharkAttak
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      1410 months ago

      How… how do they know.
      Did they open him up, saw those very-old-looking stools and said “we have to radio carbon that shit!”?

        • @Nikki
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          510 months ago

          it always comes back to the poop knife

      • Mario_Dies.wav
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        810 months ago

        “Look, corn! Last time I saw him eat corn was four months ago!”

        “Just write it down, Brian. I want to sew this motherfucker shut.”

      • @boraca
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        1110 months ago

        Also don’t do opioids, they can stop the movement of anything in the intestines. No amount of fibre would help Elvis.

        • Mister Neon
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          610 months ago

          As a son of a junkie I will agree to that.

          Eat more fiber, drink more water, and avoid opioids.

        • @stoly
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          310 months ago

          Yep. Stuff just stops flowing.

          It’s why they will give people a laxative to take along with their (short term) opioid prescription.

        • @Noodle07
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          210 months ago

          They’re called vegetarians

          • @stoly
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            110 months ago

            You might be surprised at two things that I speak of from personal experience:

            1. You might be surprised at how little fiber something like potato chips have.
            2. You might be surprised at how easy it is to become overweight while still eating a strict vegetarian diet.
      • @gac11
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        410 months ago

        And drink water. Fiber alone and you’ll get a blockage

        • Mister Neon
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          210 months ago

          Absolutely, ice water is the only true gamer beverage.

    • @[email protected]
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      810 months ago

      He’s allegedly incontinent and stuffed to the gills with stimulants so he’s probably emptying his bowels as soon as something hits his stomach

    • @stoly
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      410 months ago

      Wow, I had no idea. The drugs he was taking were really messing him up for sure, this sort of thing can happen to those who take pills for recreational uses. I thought it was smoked heroin honestly.

      • Mario_Dies.wav
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        310 months ago

        Yeah, being serious, I’ve actually known people who were addicted to heroin who were always constipated. It would be super hard for them to have a BM, and when they did manage to pass stool, it would plug up the toilet beyond belief. It can be a real serious issue.

    • @kmartburrito
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      110 months ago

      He’s got Buzz’s girlfriend in there. Woof!