• Punkie
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    I married my first wife when she was 18 and I was 20. We went through a lot of hardship. It should not have worked out: we were both poor, from broken homes, in an LDR from different worlds. She was the popular girl, I was a shy and awkward nerd. When we got married, we had only been in one another’s presence for a few weeks total. I went into the marriage not expecting a path or plan, as my parents were toxic which ended with my mother’s suicide, and my mother in law had been married 4 times before she became single for the last time. None of us had healthy marriages to draw from. At our wedding, her relatives even said, “I give it two years, tops.” We were desperately poor, and struggled most of our marriage with health and money issues.

    But we made it work for 25 years. We’d still be married, but she passed away ten years ago. We became “foxhole buddies,” us against the world.

    • @[email protected]
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      243 months ago

      This, all marriages are supposed to be this, us vs the world, while I get the argument you don’t know who you really want when you are 20, I’ve also seen cases like yours, as long as both people figure out us vs the world, I think the marriage will last. So when people say 25 and after it makes sense, I’ve also seen cases where people never understand in their life this us vs them mentality, and are never happy and I always wonder the question how much age plays a role in people understand what marriage is supposed to be?

      Anyway thanks for your take my man, my condolences, I wish you all the best.

    • @[email protected]
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      53 months ago

      I have neither insight nor retorts to offer, I just wanted to congratulate you on 25 years. Hell, even 5 years with someone who’d dig in with you is worthy of praise in this world. I’m glad you found your foxhole buddy, and I wish you all the best.

  • UnfortunateShort
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    3 months ago

    I swear some people go out of their way to judge others for the most ridiculous things. Maybe try asking yourself why you are not happy about people finding love without going through half a dozen shitty relationships.

      • BlanketsWithSmallpox
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        83 months ago

        So you go from about a 1/2 chance of divorce to about a 1/2 chance of divorce. Got it.

        Sounds more like age doesn’t really matter and emotional maturity matters more.

        • @A_Very_Big_Fan
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          3 months ago

          The difference between 35% and 60% isn’t insignificant…

          I mean you’re not wrong about emotional maturity but the less years you’ve been alive, the less time you’ve had to emotionally mature

          • @NightAuthor
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            73 months ago

            Just on the math rq, 25% almost certainly means 25% of the risk is reduced… therefore 60%->45%

            • fkn
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              23 months ago

              Depends/sometimes… If it’s like you said then 25% of that 60% and you get 60-15=45. If it’s some rando looking at 60% total and 35% total and they go “oh neat one of these numbers is 25 bigger/smaller!” Then maybe not?

    • @Adramis
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      203 months ago

      For real. This post has big “I have regrets and/or fears that I missed out on my younger life, and the only way to not be afraid is to invalidate other people’s choices” energy. Every life and every combination of experiences produces a unique piece of art. OP, your life is valid and worthwhile - you don’t have to tear other people down for that to be the case.

      • @CustosliberaOP
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        03 months ago

        Oh I have issues with commitment and a constant feeling of ‘Is this the best I can expect?’ but I don’t regret my younger life.

        My ‘weird’ sentiment stems more from me looking in from the outside at relationships where 20 year olds decide they want to spend the rest of their lives with each other. I can’t imagine missing out on potentially meeting someone more compatible. Can you really meet the most compatible person for you when you’re 20?

        When I was 20 I was a very different person, I’m assuming that’s similar for others.

        Other commenters have talked about how they grow with partners but I wonder if it’s truly possible to do that while being so ‘together’ with another person. Some things you have to learn on your own.

        • @fastandcurious
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          93 months ago

          Just because you matured late doesn’t mean everyone else does, a lot of ppl are exceptionally emotionally mature by the age of 16 or 17 as well, you should always take a decision based on your maturity level and someone elderlys opinion who also knows you well, like your parents, they probably have a good idea

          • @CleoTheWizard
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            43 months ago

            I honestly don’t know who you’re talking about. I don’t find most adults to even be mature people, especially in relationships. The main thing keeping adult relationships alive is just that they spend most of their time apart from their partner at work.

            This is anecdotal but everyone I’ve ever met that made a high school relationship work didn’t make it work through “maturity”. They were just committed. Often, they were extremely immature and naive and were bonded by the hardships of their 20s.

            Go ahead and ask people who were together when they were younger and made it work. I’ve never heard any of them say they were mature and knew what they were doing.

            • @fastandcurious
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              33 months ago

              Fair point, I think it is just that you should be mature enough to work with you partner together, or atleast one person should be at that time, and if they really love each other, then good

              • @CleoTheWizard
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                23 months ago

                The way I think about it is that the core idea is that you will stick together with your partner through everything and grow together. Most high schoolers don’t go in with that idea, they just have strong enough emotional connections that they stumble into that.

                The maturity part of being an adult is knowing that’s what you should do and knowing how to do it without hurting the other person in the process.

                It’s like dancing. If someone really wants to dance with you, they’ll be patient as you find your rhythm and you both learn to dance. Feet get stepped on but it’s the same dance. Getting older doesn’t teach you to dance. Being young doesn’t mean you aren’t light on your feet. Maturity in relationships is knowing most of the wrong moves and never dropping your partner.

        • Saik0
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          73 months ago

          I can’t imagine missing out on potentially meeting someone more compatible. Can you really meet the most compatible person for you when you’re 20?

          Perfect is the enemy of good. If you hold out for “perfect” you will be alone forever.

          When I was 20 I was a very different person, I’m assuming that’s similar for others.

          Bad assumption. Every human life… every experience is different for everyone. Your lived experiences is not sufficient to gauge ANY other life.

          Some things you have to learn on your own.

          This is a choice… and not a requirement.

        • xttweaponttx
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          13 months ago

          100% I agree with ya. Surprised to see so many that don’t. Interesting conversations going on in this thread though!

    • @gmtom
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      33 months ago

      You can be happy and find love without marrying someone.

      Like i think most people would say its weird to marry someone the day after you meet them for the first time, right? Is that you hating peoples happiness and love? or is that you being a realest that that marriage probably wont last and will just be messy for both people?

    • @TrickDacy
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      -153 months ago

      Probably 75% of marriages like that don’t go well. OP is right.

      • Bunnylux
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        73 months ago

        That doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing though. Divorce doesn’t have to be traumatic, and it should be more normalized.

        • @TrickDacy
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          63 months ago

          Wow, really? Sure is an expensive and necessarily painful thing to opt into or to normalize. I’d rather it be normalized to not get married in the first place.

          • @[email protected]
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            93 months ago

            I think a divorce is like $80 where I am, but if you have to go to court obvs it’s a lot more. I spent almost nothing on my wedding, granted it was just friends and was an elopement. Marriage has big tax advantages for some, and it’s the only way my spouse was getting health insurance to survive this godforsaken wasteland. It also guarantees that they get a slice of my income if the unforeseeable happens and we split so they can survive.

            I think people should not see marriage as the end goal, but be pragmatic about its costs and benefits, which I think you are getting at too

            • Bunnylux
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              13 months ago

              All good points.

          • Bunnylux
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            23 months ago

            It’s not that expensive, I did it for $400 amicably. We had a fun time while married and I don’t regret it. Why not just make it easier for people to do what they want and not punish young people for making decisions.

            • @TrickDacy
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              03 months ago

              And yet it’s costed others (every day) thousands to millions of dollars

        • @[email protected]
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          53 months ago

          Yes and no… Yes, divorce shouldn’t be traumatic. But no, people shouldn’t rush into marriage.

        • M137
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          43 months ago

          Or just be a couple? Save yourselves and everyone else in the families the money and mental energy.

  • @[email protected]
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    It goes up. Now I think people that get married before 40 are weird.

    On serious note… It’s any age. You can tell when a couple is just trying to reproduce an image of “family” because they were told it’s the next thing to do in life. Working in retail id often see families you could tell just went through the motions and that everyone was disconnected from one another. It’s sad.

  • @Rolando
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    643 months ago

    Imagine the following scenario: you meet someone in college, and when you graduate at 22 you don’t want to split up. They say sure, let’s live together, but we need to get engaged; if it doesn’t work out we can just break it off. After a year you realize your lives are much better together. You decide to get married but not to have kids until you’re 30. If it doesn’t work out you can divorce, but you sign a prenup and at least no kids would be involved.

    If you both have clear and compatible career goals, that scenario saves you a lot of dating drama and gives you valuable support. I wouldn’t call someone in that scenario “weird.”

    • @[email protected]
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      93 months ago

      Yeah I’ve noticed at least a lot from my high-school group that dating for about 4 years is a good amount of time, me personally and a lot of close friends seemed to have hit their hardships in a relationship around that 4 year mark. Also moving is a good test about how you do in stress haha

      • @terminhell
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        3 months ago

        Been married for 10 years now. There’s one thing I’ve found to be the ultimate relationship tester:

        Furniture Assembly.

        If you can survive assembling a few pieces of IKEA puzzles together it’s probably going to last XD

        • shuzuko
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          153 months ago

          Our way of surviving furniture assembly is for him to Go Away And Let Me Do It, because I can follow directions and he just tries to slap things together without looking xD

          I love my husband! Knowing when to just let the other person get on with shit is a pretty good litmus test, I agree, lol.

          • @terminhell
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            23 months ago

            Maybe it’s bad luck, but half the time the instructions are physically impossible to follow on certain steps.

        • @SomeKindaName
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          63 months ago

          I just don’t get this. I’ve never had any issues putting together furniture or dated anyone who had trouble with it. I can’t think of a single ex where furniture assembly was an issue.

          • @[email protected]
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            83 months ago

            I think furniture assembly is more about being able to work together for a common goal and communicate what you need the other person to do and listen to what they need you to do.

            For some reason a lot of people struggle to assemble ikea stuff (I honestly don’t know why, I’ve assembled dozens of items and it’s not rocket science). But there’s definitely been moments when I’ve been assembling some shelf and need my wife to assist with a two person step. If the assembly has been frustrating you have a really good test of how well can the two of you communicate through frustration and work together.

            So maybe you are great at ikea assembly and don’t have the frustration factor, or you are a wonderful communicator and listener. For a lot of people though it’s that “this is the 12th step, I’m annoyed because I did the 9th step backwards and had to undo some shit, I’ve stripped this fucking screw… I’m gonna slide this piece and you need to guide it past the shelves, past them, you see how it’s hitting the fucking piece of wood, I need it not to do that!!!”

            You probably shouldn’t marry everyone you can build a shelf with, but if you can’t effectively communicate when frustrated doing something trivial like building a shelf with someone you should work on that before tying the knot.

          • @[email protected]
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            23 months ago

            My wife and I have put many IKEA pieces together over the years, and she got her license at age 24 after I taught her to drive stick. We’ve been together 24 years, this coming Friday.

        • @lightnegative
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          13 months ago

          She leaves me to furniture assembly thankfully.

          The ultimate relationship tester is: moving house

          Either that or camping setup

    • Captain Aggravated
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      13 months ago

      What purpose does engagement and marriage serve there? “Must be this financially trapped to continue?”

    • @ThatWeirdGuy1001
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      -23 months ago

      I think the main point here is people around those ages aren’t fully capable of making those kinds of decisions in the first place.

      There’s a reason why most marriages end in divorce after all.

      Get married before you have a clue. Get a clue after being married a couple years. Get a divorce because you realize you had no idea what you were doing.

  • @Son_of_dad
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    543 months ago

    Wife an I met and got married when I was 25 and she was 19. We had some life experience and knew what we wanted. 15 years later, it’s still amazing, we’re still best friends and inseparable. When I met her I got this weird feeling, like I met someone I had somehow known all my life. It felt like I met my wife in a past life, and was immediately like “oh there you are!” When I met her in this one.

    • @[email protected]
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      113 months ago

      Similarly, my wife and I married at ages 23 and 22, respectively, just over twenty years ago. Altogether, we’ll have been by each other’s side for 24 years this Friday (a date I consider more important than our elopement anniversary) and I can’t imagine anyone else by my side on this stupid, cruel journey around the sun.

    • @Noodle07
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      73 months ago

      That’s what I dream of every night

      • @Son_of_dad
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        23 months ago

        I maintain that I was married to her in a past life. From our first date we clicked immediately. It felt like I was back into a groove with someone I’ve known forever. She came over to stay at my place for the weekend after like our 4th date, she never left. We’ve been living together since like 3 weeks after meeting, and we have never regretted it. We have kids and love each other and our life immensely.

    • @Fades
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      03 months ago

      Ladies and gentlemen, the exception

  • Dr. Bob
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    513 months ago

    I’m in my mid-50s. The generation older than me - my aunts and uncles - generally were in school until grade 8 and were out of the house and working by 16. My mother had her older sister as her teacher.

    24 is not a child. You can vote drive, drive, drink, marry sign legal documents etc. And at least for women fertility begins to decline at 32. If you mean you will continue to grow as a person and develop new interests that hopefully never goes away. I went to grad school and was in academia for over a decade after my PhD. I have made two major shifts in my career since then. Old people still feel like they are in their twenties or early thirties mentally, we joke about it all the time. So congratulations, this is it.

    • @NocturnalMorning
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      103 months ago

      Yeah, whatever “Dr Bob”, do you think you’re some kind of doctor or something? Show off…

      • Dr. Bob
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        63 months ago

        Yeah. There was a point when I was thinking I’d keep this account professional and share it with my students. Unlike my other social media accounts. lol

        • @NocturnalMorning
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          33 months ago

          Don’t do that. Lol. My partner is a professor herself. You don’t want to share this stuff with your students. Professional social media is overrated

          • Dr. Bob
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            43 months ago

            I didn’t in the end. It was mostly because I don’t want undocumented interactions. I have a hard enough time getting them to use office hours.

    • @TenderfootGungi
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      -33 months ago

      So, you agree with OP? There is not an argument against it here.

    • @[email protected]
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      at least for women fertility begins to decline at 32.

      That’s a little bit of a yikes there, buddy.

      Edit: and additional “yikes” for all of the people that don’t see the problem with assigning a value to women based on how fertile they may or may not be.

      Edit 2: tHe QuAnTiTy Of EgGs! Because women only exist to get pregnant.

      • @anewbeginning
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        273 months ago

        How can a fact be yikes? It’s only relevant if women want children, but if they do then the earlier the safer it is.

      • @gibmiser
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        243 months ago

        Why is that a yikes? More birth defects, complications, start running low on eggs. All of that is just facts…

      • JJROKCZ
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        233 months ago

        They said nothing about the value of a woman being tied to fertility, that came out of mind…

        As for the decline in fertility statement, that has been scientifically proven for decades and assumed for centuries. Women are born with a set amount of eggs, they typically go through at least one per ovulation cycle, they start reaching the end in their 30s and risks of birth defects start increasing in their 30s

      • Dr. Bob
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        63 months ago

        The question was about marriage. There are two reasons that I see people get married. For young people it’s about starting a family. However you and I feel about it personally, legal structures that are in place just make it easier when you’re married. The other reason is for older people. Pensions and estate planning is easier for married couples. Again, I have opinions about it but it remains a plain fact.

        • @[email protected]
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          I got married to share healthcare and other tax advantages and do not plan to have children. I’m under 30 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

          • Dr. Bob
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            33 months ago

            I envy you. My partner and I are DINKs. There has never been a tax break aimed at our demographic. lol.

      • @[email protected]
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        23 months ago

        In fairness, when we had our first at 34 she was a year off being medically labelled a “geriatric mother”

  • @[email protected]
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    503 months ago

    At what age are you supposed to know what you want for the rest of your life? You will never have an answer to that in any capacity, and not just in marriage. You evolve as a person, you’ll never have a fixed desire for your whole life. And that’s the great thing about marriage and relationships, they also evolve. And it’s about who you want to try doing that with

    • @[email protected]
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      23 months ago

      You evolve all the time, but you might have some desires that are fixed for your whole life and you might realize it before you’re an adult.

    • @[email protected]
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      23 months ago

      I feel like it might come from the fact most relationships are pretty short before you are 24. Few people hold onto long lasting relationships by that age and few (at the time) short ones develop into anything reliable.

      A former classmate of mine met a guy and got married after knowing him almost a year, like right out of highschool. Last I heard of her they went through a messy divorce couple of years later, which we all saw coming and tried telling her about.

      • @[email protected]
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        63 months ago

        That sounds more like an issue with that person not being open/receptive to her peers advice. And I think this is true for many people beyond the age of 24 as well

        • @Fades
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          13 months ago

          deleted by creator

          • @[email protected]
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            You seem very emotionally attached to this subject and very heated as you’ve replied to me numerous times and frankly I don’t really care to reply to you because you’re annoying and terribly condescending. Tldr next time thanks

    • @Fades
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      13 months ago

      The crux of it is at 24 you are still very much closer to being a child still fresh out of school, vs 30+ you’ve been in the workforce and you’re more accustomed to adult life, and as a result you have continued to change and shift.

      Your brain doesn’t even finish developing for fucks sake

      https://mentalhealthdaily.com/2015/02/18/at-what-age-is-the-brain-fully-developed/

      These days, a consensus of neuroscientists agree that brain development likely persists until at least the mid-20s – possibly until the 30s.

      • @JigglySackles
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        13 months ago

        Not being finished developing doesn’t necessitate the inability to make good decisions though. You can still make good decisions and lasting life choices as you go without being finished changing and developing.

    • @[email protected]
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      13 months ago

      At what age are you supposed to know what you want for the rest of your life?

      Maybe around the year that the brain finishes developing, which can vary from person to person but is typically around the mid 20s.

      • @[email protected]
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        I see/hear about marriages started at 30+ 40+ 50+ all the time that fail. I see people pivot careers and industries in the middle years of their life. People tastes change all the time as they get older. Let’s not pretend that when your brain finishes developing you suddenly have life figured out/know exactly what you want

        I generally agree that getting married before 24 is a pretty risky move and you have to have thought it through very carefully, but the argument that “you don’t know what you want for the rest of your life” is not the reason why that is. It relates more to life experience/emotional capability/massive foresight. Marriage is more than just “wanting something for the rest of your life”, it’s a commitment, it’s not just some eternal desire you may/may not have

        • @Fades
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          Nobody said if you marry after 30 it’s a slams dunk you fucking nonce.

          Your argument is seriously who cares about the brain developing or pivotal and even just other life experiences in general have yet to happen -/ because people at every age change jobs and divorce and remarry so it doesn’t matter!

          What the fuck kind of logic is that?? It’s supposed to be about limiting unnecessary pain and loss that results for uninformed expectations not eliminating all divorce ever. For fucks sake lmao

          Jesus Christ, believe what you want. You’ll learn soon enough

          • @[email protected]
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            Yeah I do believe what I want and I’m in a happy marriage thanks! Cheers. I never said to divorce all the time but you’re not really reading properly

      • @[email protected]
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        Uh, no. If you’re just a kid at 24 according to OP, when do you stop being a kid? When OP arbitrarily says so now? Could’ve sworn legal age meant something like “when you’re no longer a kid and can make your own decisions”. I mean I agree, 24 year olds are basically kids and still have a lot of life experience to gain. But they’re not actually children like you’re weirdly implying I’m saying

  • @nyctre
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    473 months ago

    The age at which you meet has nothing to do with it. Healthy relationships are about evolving together. If you can’t do that or if you do it separately, that’s when it falls apart. Sometimes you’re lucky and you find a compatible person early, sometimes you don’t. That’s all there is to it.

  • zanyllama52
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    473 months ago

    Seems like 24 is an arbitrary number. Some folks consider themselves “ready” for marriage at 18, some at 40, and some never.

    I think its very subjective and situational.

  • @JigglySackles
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    453 months ago

    Maturity plays a much more important role than age. Some people are never fit to marry, some have what it takes by the time they are 16/17. It’s not often that it plays out well for the youngest ones, and since each year brings new experiences and understandings each year moves along the bell curve of “marriage readiness”. So is it more likely that a 24 year old is more ready for marriage than a 18 year old. Yes. Is it guaranteed? No. I know some 50/60 year olds that still aren’t ready for marriage. They just never learned the skills it takes to have a healthy marriage. Giving an age as a hard cutoff is too arbitrary a measure. Age doesn’t guarantee shit.

    • @TakuWalker
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      223 months ago

      That’s it, end of thread. Maturity plays such an important factor it’s astonishing it’s not the first thing being discussed instead of an arbitrary number.

    • @platypus_plumba
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      24yo people don’t see themselves as children. This post is probably coming from a 40yo person.

      • @[email protected]
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        63 months ago

        As a 27yo, I’m still trying to figure out how to better organize myself. I was one of those kids that never had to take notes in school

        And now that’s coming back to bite me, because I’m completely new to note-taking, but am working on large 20yo code bases with tons of tech-debt and spaghetti madness. Along with tons of technical jargon in a completely different field. I just can’t keep all that in my head anymore

        The point is, i feel like an adult in certain aspects, and a child in others

  • Xariphon
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    443 months ago

    Can we stop extending “just a kid” into ever older years? Society already years anybody under 18 like they’re the same as a goddamn fetus. Human life expectancy being what it is, we shouldn’t be treating people… not even like they don’t know anything but like they couldn’t even conceivably know anything for fully a third of it.

    • @[email protected]
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      33 months ago

      I don’t know how it is for you, but when I look back at 24-year-old me, I am not impressed. I guess what I’m saying is that there are a lot of us who definitely don’t have their shit together when they’re 24. They say your prefrontal cortex isn’t fully developed until 25 at the earliest, but I feel like it was closer to 30 for me. Granted, I’m kind of a dummy anyway, so this probably doesn’t apply to everyone.

      • Dr. Bob
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        163 months ago

        Just wait. 45 year old me was cringe. And 35 year old me? How did that guy even have friends.

      • @[email protected]
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        143 months ago

        That reads as “I couldn’t make those decisions at that age, so obviously no one else could.”

        I say this as someone that had my first child at 23, after talking about it with my girlfriend since the age of 19.

        We don’t regret a thing. (Well, apart from not winning the lottery. Yet.)

        • @CustosliberaOP
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          What happened man? You used to be cool.

      • BlanketsWithSmallpox
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        93 months ago

        I was a shit person at 24 who knew nothing so everyone must’ve been a shittier person at 24 who knew even less than me, vibes.

      • @[email protected]
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        83 months ago

        I don’t look at other people as if they are or were me, I look at them as if they are their own people who may or may not be living their life differently from me.

    • Ignotum
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      -83 months ago

      Is 18 years a third of your life given todays life span?

      Where do you live where the expected life span is just 56? O.o

      • JJROKCZ
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        163 months ago

        I think they’re referring to the 24 number op originally stated, that is roughly a third of the life expectancy for males at least.

  • @Siegfried
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    343 months ago

    Me 32, i dont have a fucking clue of what i want for the rest of my life. Maybe those couples that married in their early 20s wanted to explore together what they wanted in life. Good for them.

    • @[email protected]
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      43 months ago

      I understand the roots of marriage, but I want a partner who would be ok with parting ways in the future. We live once, why do we have to commit to 1 person for most of it? Things I enjoyed 5 years ago I don’t care for now. Tastes change.

      • @MrVilliam
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        53 months ago

        Marriage isn’t for everybody, and that’s okay. As long as you aren’t stringing partners along who are looking to get married when you already know that you aren’t, then your choice doesn’t seem to be hurting anybody.

        I’m 35 and married. Sure, tastes change, but my wife and I chose good partners in each other; we won’t hate each other or get irreparably sick of each other, we make a great team, and we understand each other’s limitations and are mature enough to ask for help. We let each other in. There is security and stability in marriage. I’m not great at meeting new people, so not having to go on another first date again is a huge relief for me. Making a good first impression is fucking exhausting. In contrast, I know how my wife is feeling pretty much just by glancing at her, and it’s really fulfilling to be on the same wavelength as my partner like that, especially because we’re also open communicators who can share the honest, fucked up feelings without worrying about judgment. So we’re basically each other’s therapist, but we share housework and meals and money, and we snuggle and kiss and fuck. I can understand that that’s not appealing to everybody, but it’s hard for me to imagine a version of myself who doesn’t want this. But again, it’s not for everybody, and it’s perfectly okay to not want it for yourself.

        • @[email protected]
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          23 months ago

          Now that’s a healthy relationship. I agree marriage isn’t for some, just like having kids isn’t for some. To each their own, perhaps my views will change in the future.

  • @[email protected]
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    263 months ago

    Not going to try to change your mind about this opinion, but I’ll take a stab at shaming you for being so vocal about a thought that is very much “othering”. Maybe turn down the judgement a bit, you don’t know people.

    • @[email protected]
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      -33 months ago

      What’s truly insane is people who marry under 20. And if you think it’s possible to know who you are and what you want at that age, you have a very simplistic view of the world. Or you’re brainwashed by those who reared you, ie you have a very simplistic view of the world.

      • @[email protected]
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        63 months ago

        No, teenagers are often gifted with some nugget of wisdom or other about their lives, it’s just that parents and random commenters online never believe it.

        I knew I wanted to get married and to whom. I also knew it was a good idea. I only waited to mid-twenties because she wasn’t sure. 30 years farther along, we’re still married and teenaged me is proved right.

        Cynical, older, slower me might have screwed it up somehow.

        • @[email protected]
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          -13 months ago

          I’m happy that it worked out for you. I think you got lucky. I don’t think most people are mature enough to make such a call at 20yo.

          • @[email protected]
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            13 months ago

            Of course I was lucky. The decisions we make around starting a family can reverberate for centuries. Even if we had enough information (we don’t), I don’t think people are mature enough at any age to make the right call,

  • @Wasweissich
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    263 months ago

    I married at 22 over 20 years ago did not regret a day… I think a happy marriage is just a lot of luck a lot of self reflection and effort. No matter the age it is not a self running maintenance free system

    • @CustosliberaOP
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      23 months ago

      Luck is something I didn’t consider.

      • @lunarul
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        2 months ago

        I met my wife in high-school, we married at 21/22, it’s going to be our 19th anniversary this year. So yeah, definitely got lucky, and I would discourage my kids from doing the same even though it worked great for us.

        • @CustosliberaOP
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          13 months ago

          Very interesting perspective that you wouldn’t encourage your kids to do the same as you, why’s that?

          To be honest if my kids married at 20 it’s not like I’d try to stop it, despite my reservations about it. I’d think it was a potential mistake but that’s coming from me as concern rather than disapproval.

        • @Wasweissich
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          43 months ago

          100% one of my employees married at 40 and got divorced at 45 life happens no matter the age. If you cannot work on yourself with your spouse and vis a vis you are fucked anyway at whatever age

        • @lunarul
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          13 months ago

          Two reasons to wait:

          • people in their early 20s are more likely to change dramatically later, so definitely more of a gamble at that age
          • because it’s a gamble, you should already be well prepared for life on your own before doing it; that gives you a solid fallback in case things don’t work out
          • @Wasweissich
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            13 months ago

            I think overcomming obstacles growing as people together is an experience and bonding I would have never liked to miss. Going from a broke ass Teenager to now was a wild trip and my wife was there the whole time. She changed and I changed but we never changed apart because we communicated about our inner selves

            • @lunarul
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              2 months ago

              But that’s where the gamble is. You changed together and it worked out. Others grow apart through no fault of their own and despite their desire to keep things working, they just don’t want the same things anymore. Your and my experience are the lucky ones.

          • @[email protected]
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            13 months ago

            And on the flip side you might plan out your life to begin when you’re thirty, wait until youre wise and wealthy, then suddenly die.

            • @lunarul
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              13 months ago

              If you live somewhere where life expectancy is close enough to 30 to make that eventuality part of your life choices, then go ahead and marry as a teenager. Don’t even wait for 20, marry at 16.

              • @[email protected]
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                13 months ago

                Likewise, if you live in a place where nobody dies before they reach their life expectancy, waiting might be a good idea.

                • @lunarul
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                  3 months ago

                  Life expectancy is the age most people live to. Some live less, some live more. You shouldn’t make plans heavily counting on one of those exceptions. Don’t hurry up to do things just in case you’re one of the ones who live less, don’t delay things too long because you might live to 120.

                  Planning for living 30 years only makes sense in a place where most people don’t live over that.

  • @BluesF
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    253 months ago

    24 is just as arbitrary an age as 18, change my mind

    • @braxy29
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      103 months ago

      someone at 24 has several more years of experience in the adult world. someone at 24 has several more years of neurological development (which isn’t complete until around 25). in other words, at 24 someone has better context for decision-making and better decision-making ability than someone who is 18.

      • Saik0
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        13 months ago

        On average sure. But your statement at its face is simply wrong. Older does not mean they make better decisions.

        • @braxy29
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          13 months ago

          indeed, lots of people make poor decisions regardless of age. but statistically speaking, 24 year olds have resources (experience, development) which increase their capacity to make better decisions.

    • OADINC
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      93 months ago

      Yes it’s all about mental age and mindset.