• SuperDuper
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    1 year ago

    If I woke up as a woman, regardless of who that woman is, I would masturbate.

        • Makeitstop
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          1 year ago

          I suppose it depends on how decomposed I am and whether or not I need a heartbeat to get an erection, or if the force reanimating me takes care of that in addition to basic movement, perception and cognition.

    • SatansMaggotyCumFart
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      1 year ago

      I’d fart in a position so the fart bubbles through my pussy lips and giggle uncontrollably.

      Then probably eat Taco Bell and repeat a couple times.

      • HappycamperNZ
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        1 year ago

        You know, I did have masterbate. Now I’m not sure. Would it be different if she… well, I… had an innie?

        Also wonder if I can turn my wife bi so double bonus if I ever get back.

        • SatansMaggotyCumFart
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          1 year ago

          Most woman are bi so I’m sure Taco Bell farts would help her realize that.

          • HappycamperNZ
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            1 year ago

            Well we did try taco bell for the first time a few days ago and she was a fan…

              • HappycamperNZ
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                1 year ago

                I live in one if the few places in the world that isn’t America

                • SatansMaggotyCumFart
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                  1 year ago

                  I’m not american either but you’re the only one assuming that in this conversation.

                  What do they not have Taco Bell in New Zealand?

      • TastyWheat
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        1 year ago

        Taylor Swift randomly disappears for 2 months, then suddenly releases new single called “Oh So That’s What It’s Like”

  • moshtradamus666
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    1 year ago

    *take a 15 minute flight in my jet to get some fresh bread

    • Makeitstop
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      1 year ago

      Carefully photoshop her face in from other pictures of her. Make them both real and fake at the same time.

      • Agent641
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        1 year ago

        Post nudes, but with some other woman’s face photoshopped on the body. The greatest troll would be that the nudes they seek are right in front of them, they just don’t know it.

    • Flying Squid
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      1 year ago

      I like all the men chiming in who think that Taylor Swift isn’t hot enough for them. Because I’m sure all the women interested in them are far more attractive than Taylor Swift, which is why they have such high standards.

      • rambaroo
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        1 year ago

        I mean, people are allowed to have preferences. I also find it hypocritical that the thread OP is acting like everyone else is super misogynistic when his first thought was to check himself out if he was Taylor Swift. Cause my first thought was to do something good with the billion dollars she has. Not that I think she’s a bad person or anything.

        Second thought was now I actually have musical talent, so I’d go play all her fancy guitars

      • Thief_of_Crows@lemmy.ml
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        1 year ago

        I mean, she’s unattractive enough that I’d consider not going on a 2nd date if I wasn’t into her on the 1st. Where like a supermodel or whatever, I’d put up with not liking them for several months if she’s into me.

    • Son_of_dad
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      1 year ago

      She’s ok looking, body wise, fit but meh. I don’t even think she’s that pretty, just normal, average looking. But of course she has the makeup, etc. So she looks great onstage.

      Talented gal, but I’ve never thought she was hot

      • ramenshaman
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        1 year ago

        If you think she’s average looking then you must live somewhere I’ve never been before.

        • Son_of_dad
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          1 year ago

          I’m not saying she’s unattractive, I just don’t find her attractive myself. I can go for a walk in my city and find a dozen women I find hotter just on my walk. I mean she’s a talented musician, I don’t see why people are getting upset cause I wouldn’t fuck her. That’s not her appeal, there’s enough thots in the music industry, we don’t need every female singer to be fuckable

        • HeyThisIsntTheYMCA
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          1 year ago

          Taylor is an 8. I married a 9 who to me is a 10. Don’t ask me how, there’s a family history of insanity on both sides.

            • Umbraveil
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              1 year ago

              So you believe that having opinions regarding who we find attractive is misogynistic?

                • rambaroo
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                  1 year ago

                  I find that pretty rich considering your first thought in this thread was to check out her body. I really don’t see how you’re much better than these other dudes.

              • Flying Squid
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                1 year ago

                I believe rating every woman you see on a 1-10 attractiveness scale is pretty misogynistic. Unless you do it just as frequently with men. How often do you do it with men?

        • Son_of_dad
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          1 year ago

          Ok, so wait, you’re mad cause I don’t want to fuck her? I mean do you? That’s kinda creepy. I appreciate her as a person and as an artist, but you seem hungup on her looks and fuckability, so clearly you’re the weirdo here. I See her and go “nice girl, very talented” but you go “omg I wish I could wake up as her so I could jack off with her body!” But I’m the one who’s wrong?

      • thisbenzingring@lemmy.sdf.org
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        1 year ago

        Same. She isn’t my idea of beauty but not ugly. She has a nice feminine shape but I don’t really care one way or another. I couldn’t tell you any of her songs, I only know that one is something about never getting back together but I don’t know the tune, so might not even recognize it

  • CorneliusTalmadge
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    1 year ago

    Well first I got up I had a piece of toast… then I brushed my teeth. Then I went to the store to buy some fish.

  • rjthyen@lemm.ee
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    1 year ago

    Taking my top off? It’s what our do regardless of who I woke up as though.

  • Amazinghorse
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    1 year ago

    100% I’m masturbating and checking myself out in the mirror while doing so.

    Then I’d buy myself all the things I wanted (assuming I wake up in her life and not just her body in my life).

    • Thief_of_Crows@lemmy.ml
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      1 year ago

      Counterpoint: this is theft. Counter-counterpoint: still okay because she’s a billionaire. But like, imagine waking up as someone normal, and you go and spend all their money. That’d be fucked up.

      • Amazinghorse
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        1 year ago

        Those are all valid points. Calling it theft would be a good ethics debate though… Oh she would be getting a bad deal if she woke up in my body, in my life.

  • iAvicenna
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    1 year ago

    why am I seeing Taylor Swift everywhere? Is she running for presidency?

    • LarmyOfLone@lemm.ee
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      1 year ago

      It’s fascist propaganda. It’s not just that they don’t like her endorcing Biden or the conspiracy theories, it’s also good distraction from real issues. It’s working really well too.

  • iMike
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    1 year ago

    Look in the mirror and check out boobies obviously!

  • gmtom
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    1 year ago

    Trying to figure out who the fuck I am.

  • Krauerking@lemy.lol
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    1 year ago

    Honestly find how the real Taylor felt about actual issues and her fans as best as possible and then just put it out as a press piece.

    No more false figurehead that their conscious only exists as the imaginary paradox of all of their believers. People love to talk on her behalf on how she feels about things and it always seems to agree with them.
    I am breaking the swifties and giving a real person to look at and not a mascot.

  • dasgoat
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    1 year ago

    Transfer all wealth and assets to socialist causes, liquidize what I can and have. Have a stiff drink. Record a video where I declare myself loyal to the anticapitalist cause and the steps I took so far. All houses are now open to be ransacked come and get it.

    Then I dunno, turn the swifties into a paramilitary organization that will join the struggle against the capitalist class.

    That would be a pretty good day.

  • Agent641
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    1 year ago

    Presumably im being spooned by that sports man, so Id rip a massive fart on his dick and balls, then go to the dunny.

  • Poppa_Mo
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    1 year ago

    I would give all of my money to my (real) family then kill myself.

    Not because I dislike Taylor Swift, she just has the complete opposite life I want. I do not like attention. I am not an extrovert. I despise people.

    This is actually kind of a nightmare to think about lol.

    • FenrirIII
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      1 year ago

      If you woke up as her, with all her wealth, you could disappear. Change your hair, gain some weight, no makeup, and tour around Europe

    • Squirrel@thelemmy.club
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      1 year ago

      With her money, you can do whatever you want. That includes buying an island and employing trigger-happy security to ensure you enjoy your life of solitude.