It’s already well known at work that I don’t just not like gore videos but that I hate them and actively avoid them.
A colleague sent me a video of a man being murdered by axe via WhatsApp to my personal phone on my lunch break. Before I opened it I asked if it was a video that I would want to see (because I know what sort of character he is), he implied it was fine.
Despite my suspicion I took his word and watched it. I immediately scolded him, he then made light of the situation, I told him that it wasn’t funny and that if it ever happened again I would be making a formal complaint immediately.
A couple of minutes later, another colleague came in to the mess room, the guy that sent the video made fun of me for not liking the video in front of them. I told him that he was making fun of me and that I wasn’t ok with that.
Do I have the right to not be sent murder videos? What would an employer do if I made a complaint?
Talk to HR. If they are not responsive talk to a lawyer that specializes in workplace law.
I might report it but not name him. I know there is a chance that he could get sacked, I think the guy is a grade A moron but I’m not willing to ruin his life over it.
He’s ruining his own life by being a moron. By not naming him in a complaint, he will not learn that his actions have consequences.
There’s consequences and then there’s ruining his livelihood. I’m severely pissed off but seeing him sacked won’t make me feel better. I don’t want revenge, I just want him to act like a professional.
Consequences and revenge are not the same thing. If he doesn’t receive the direct consequences of his actions, he will not learn that he shouldn’t do that. Clearly he is incapable of learning via polite means. You are not the only person he’s doing this to, and it is not acceptable.
He’s already ignored your requests to be more professional. You’ve already made it clear that his behavior is making you uncomfortable. I’m sure there’s a code of conduct or similar somewhere that he agreed to that would prohibit this bullshit. Fuck him. Whatever happens to him is on him at this point.
The consequences are 100% on him and 0% on you.
He chose to be a douche and is presuming on others to keep this under wraps so he can continue being abusive. Playing along with his secrecy game only helps the abuser. You have absolutely no obligation to keep this private, and moreover you have digital evidence in the form of a text message.
You’re allowing their behavior to be normalized, they think it’s ok because you are allowing it to be ok.
This person will obviously never be professional. How many others you work with are also traumatized by those videos but don’t say anything, I wonder. Get this scumbag fired for your coworkers if you won’t do it for yourself.
HR isn’t going to fire someone over a single instance. You’re probably looking at the other guy doing a few days of sensitivity training or being transferred away from you, at worst.
I’m UK too. As I see it your options are one or more of:
-
ignore the incident without comment and don’t give him the satisfaction of upsetting you;
-
block him so he can’t do it again. If he needs your number for other reasons then he gave up that right when he sent you that disgusting stuff; now he needs other routes, which you can block as needed;
-
raise the issue with your team leader or manager advising that you just want it to stop, you don’t want disciplinary action taken against him, but if he’s a repeat offender then the company might take it further anyway (which would be appropriate and correct);
-
DO NOT go to HR. They are not your friend or ally. They are there to protect the company and it’s just as likely you’ll be terminated as him. HR is a last resort, if you can’t get any satisfaction from management, and you keep suffering this kind of abuse (because that’s what it is; I’m not exaggerating), only then go to HR and even then only after notifying everyone concerned - the bully/bullies and your manager - that’s what you’re going to do.
If this cockwomble gets fired because of sending that video to you, you have nothing to be ashamed of. It’s his own stupidity that got him there, not you “grassing him up” or whatever other cockney nonsense you might have knocking around inside your noggin. You don’t owe that wanknugget anything, especially after he sent you stuff you explicitly said you didn’t want to see.
-
Being sacked isn’t ruining someone’s life. There are other companies, other jobs. It’s hardly the end of the world.
What you’re saying is “I want him to know it’s okay to keep doing this to other people with no consequences”.
With that kind of attitude you will be a victim forever.
You’re being bullied. He will continue because he thinks you won’t respond. Bullies get worse, not better.
Absolutely correct. That asshole knew exactly what he was doing and he is only going to escalate if OP doesn’t push back.
OP gets a random number. Honey traps him. And breaks his heart and at the end send him dick pic
In what world is sending gore videos to colleagues normal???
Not only that, but “it’s known that I don’t like gore videos” like it’s some common thing that comes up in conversation. I’ve worked at some raunchy “boys will be boys” type places and the worst we would do is surprise each other with some gay porn images or stuff like ‘two girls one cup.’
I mean, if that’s ok, it’s surely ok for OP to send the offending coworker random dick pics every day at lunch.
I’m opening myself here to be spammed but I’d much rather receive dick picks over snuff.
Yeah, but the guy that thinks sharing snuff films at work ok is likely to also be the kind of guy that is vehemently homophobic…and I mean the more scientific definition where exposure causes physical disgust or discomfort as opposed to the more political definition of just not viewing them as equals. I don’t think it’s a huge leap to assume this is the kind of person that would have the same visceral experience they shared with OP…especially if OP were to imply the massive, throbbing high definition photo was also actually gore.
Not exactly sending them to coworkers, but I did kind of refer a coworker to one once.
I work in 911 dispatch, it’s kind of hard not to end up a little desensitized to some crazy shit. We once had a call about some kind of industrial accident, someone’s arm caught in a machine or something along those lines. Obviously not going to share too many specific details about the incident, but we did have a teams on location ready to do a field amputation if needed, but luckily they were able to get the person out without any major injuries.
So our conversations tended to be about a lot of the crazy gory fucked up things we’d taken calls about or otherwise seen or heard about, and I mentioned the Russian lathe accident video to one of my coworkers (don’t look that up if you’re not the kind of fucked up who can deal with that sort of thing, it’s a guy getting caught in a heavy duty lathe and spun around and mashed against the machine until someone comes and hits the emergency stop, at which point there’s nothing much left of him)
That piqued her interest, and she went and watched it on her phone at her next break.
I wouldn’t send the video to anyone, especially not out of the blue, and when it comes up I warn people not to look it up if they’re the type of person who would be significantly disturbed by it. In general I won’t even mention it to people who don’t work either in some sort of emergency services or medical sort of field where we have to occasionally deal with that kind of thing, or in a machine shop where they’re working around those kinds of machines, and even then it’s something that only gets brought up to certain people in certain contexts.
Honestly, I feel like you’re being bizarrely calm about the situation. This is so far beyond unacceptable that one or both of them should be immediately fired for this offense, lest you have an open-and-shut hostile work environment lawsuit on your hands.
I would make sure to keep the text as evidence and let HR know about it. If the guys are somehow not fired, and ever approach you again or try to retaliate in any way, go consult a lawyer.
That’s some hostile workplace kind of BS, and shouldn’t be tolerated. Document everything, names, dates, info etc.
He’s done this before, and you haven’t made a complaint???!
Passing snuff movies around is disgusting - IANAL but I would suggest that at minimum it would be Gross Misconduct and, probably, highly illegal and he should be immediately dismissed and possibly arrested.
However, I’m not a lawyer so I would contact ACAS ASAP, see https://www.acas.org.uk/ and log everything, inc. previous videos he’s sent around - don’t delete your evidence! But ACAS will advise you best.
I deleted it immediately because I can’t stand to have that sort of video on my phone.
He’s not sent one to me directly before, but there is a work group chat where similar videos have come up (all deleted by me) and I left a comment saying what I thought about those types videos which pretty much brought them to a stop.
Don’t delete it, don’t act like this is a minor inconvenience, walk directly to HR or your supervisor and tell them what is going on. This is will-not-work-until-this-matter-is-resolved levels of unacceptable.
Straight to HR - that fucker needs sacking. This is the very definition of bullying and harassment.
From my understanding your colleague committed a crime under the Indecent Displays (Control) Act 1981 and you can refer the matter to the police - which I would strongly recommend as this is beyond an employee-employer relationship.
And it brings the employer into a position that the company is forced to make sure that the offender cannot reoffend against anyone (not just you). While the first offense is nothing the company can really be held liable for, anything after they have (officially) made aware they can be held liable for.
It’s already well known at work that I don’t just not like gore videos but that I hate them and actively avoid them.
What the FUCK is going on at your work? I know this isn’t always an option, but I suggest you run away. A workplace where you’re considered the weird one because you don’t like snuff vids? I really doubt a complaint could fix that environment, it sounds rotten to the core
HR
Not every job has an HR department. And it’s my understanding that HR is primarily to benefit the company. I’ve never worked for a company with an HR department so take that for what it’s worth.
You’re correct, HR is there to benefit the company. However, in this case, the goals align. OP wants to stop being sent objectionable material while at work. HR wants employees’ actions to not open the company up for litigation. Being able to prove that dickhead is engaging textbook harassment while on the clock should be an open and shut case.
All of this is to be taken with a heaping handful of salt, since regulations differ wildly by jurisdiction, but this seems pretty clear cut to me.
This is exactly why HR departments exist. Had OP collected evidence, told management with a paper trail, and they failed to stop it? Or worse, told off OP because they don’t want to deal with it?
The jerk could maybe get charged with a misdemeanor related to harassment or misuse of technology… Maybe the UK has something harsher or more specific, but at the end of the day it’s a bit extreme to put someone in jail or pay OPs wages if they were forced out of work
The company on the other hand? They have a legal obligation to maintain a safe work environment. They also have deeper, easier to access pockets. A lot easier to get a lawyer to pursue that, which is expensive even if they win in the end
If they’re clearly shown to have not taken reasonable action, they’d at least be on the hook for any lost wages or medical costs (not sure what decent therapy runs over there, less than the US I’m sure but I’m guessing not cheap). Even if OP quits or decides not to show up, it could be until they get a new job at similar pay with some extra thrown on top
HR’s job is to cut this off before OP needs to be paid off, or much worse finds a lawyer. They don’t care about the employees, so safest could be to fire the guy - the least they’re going to do is officially reprimand the guy and follow up with OP to make sure it’s not worsening and OP isn’t feeling litigious
Which is exactly why not having an HR dept is only detrimental for the company, not the employee. If the company doesn’t have an HR dept, they should consult a lawyer for a hostile work environment case. The lawyer will probably say he should first at least let his supervisor know, and if nothing is done, or if they retaliate, then they can show them why an HR dept is a good investment.
You’re correct, the HR dept is there to protect the company. And the actions of the employee sending gore vids potentially harms the company. Thus, HR will protect the employee when it protects itself. Think how HR would step in if someone was sending porn. That would harm the company. HR would intervene.
They only don’t do shit when they can get away with it. Anything that a court would find absolutely objectionable (not maybe) will be curtailed.
deleted by creator
thats highly disturbing and im sorry to hear that happened to you. your employer should absolutely take this seriously. whether or not they are legally obligated to, im not sure, but if you are at a large company speak to your office of ethics, associate relations, or if small, anyone in HR. just speak up.
That’s insane behavior. There is no situation where you should be sharing videos that contain murder to a work colleague. Even if someone asked I would still not send it to them.
I would hope you are covered by law because that behavior is universally unacceptable.
In the US and this sounds like a text book case of harassment and is illegal and absolutely should lead to termination of the offending party. I imagine the UK has stronger labor laws to protect workers, so uh, go to your HR department and whatever the local government labor board equivalent is. You should absolutely not put up with this shitty behavior from anyone.
TW: suicide
Similar happened to me about 15 years ago, and it still bothers me. Mine was out of the blue though, nobody had shared anything remotely violent or gory in the team. One guy decides to share a ‘funny’ video with a subject line of ‘always search your detainees’ or something. A guy gets seated in a room by a cop, asks for some water, cop leaves, guy sits for a moment, then pulls out a handgun and shoots himself in the head. I had headphones on and still remember the sound of his last ‘exhale’ after dying. Fucked me up for a while.
In short, don’t stand for this shit. It’s no joke how much it can affect you if you aren’t desensitised already, especially if you aren’t expecting it.
