Satanic Temple objects to governor’s push for more religion in schools and says members could act as student chaplains

Dark messengers of satanism could soon be walking the hallways of Florida’s public schools, and it’s a consequence of hard-right governor Ron DeSantis’s push for more religion in education.

Members of the Satanic Temple say they are poised to act as volunteer chaplains under a state law that took effect this week opening campuses to “additional counseling and support to students” from outside organizations.

Although HB 931 leaves the implementation of chaplain programs to individual school districts, and only requires schools to list a volunteer’s religion “if any”, DeSantis has made clear its intent is to restore the tenets of Christianity to public education.

Without the bill, DeSantis said at its signing in April: “You’re basically saying that God has no place [on campus]. That’s wrong.”

The satanists see the law, which comes amid a vigorous theocratic drive into education by the religious right nationally, as an equal opportunity: if Christian chaplains are permitted access to students, often at the most vulnerable and impressionable stages of their lives, then so are they.

  • Flying Squid
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    2082 months ago

    Dark messengers of satanism

    Fucking Guardian… either falling for stupid propaganda or using scare words. Shameful either way.

    The Satanic Temple’s Seven Fundamental Tenets:

    I. One should strive to act with compassion and empathy toward all creatures in accordance with reason.

    II. The struggle for justice is an ongoing and necessary pursuit that should prevail over laws and institutions.

    III. One’s body is inviolable, subject to one’s own will alone.

    IV. The freedoms of others should be respected, including the freedom to offend. To willfully and unjustly encroach upon the freedoms of another is to forgo one’s own.

    V. Beliefs should conform to one’s best scientific understanding of the world. One should take care never to distort scientific facts to fit one’s beliefs.

    VI. People are fallible. If one makes a mistake, one should do one’s best to rectify it and resolve any harm that might have been caused.

    VII. Every tenet is a guiding principle designed to inspire nobility in action and thought. The spirit of compassion, wisdom, and justice should always prevail over the written or spoken word.

    https://thesatanictemple.com/blogs/the-satanic-temple-tenets/there-are-seven-fundamental-tenets

    What sort of “dark messengers” preach compassion and justice?

    • TheLowestStone
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      1612 months ago

      I think that was meant to be tongue in cheek. The article also says:

      There are, however, no plans to introduce studies of the dark arts or satanic rituals to any classroom. The Satanic Temple champions Satan not as a literal, omnipresent demon, but as a symbol of rebellion and resistance to authoritarianism. It says its strategy here is to highlight flagrant violations of the constitutionally protected separation of church and state.

      • @iAvicenna
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        2 months ago

        definitely not a very good article opener then

        • @CleoTheWizard
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          42 months ago

          Well this just proves that I’m right when I say their name is a double edged sword. On one hand, it’s inflammatory and mocking which creates a unique angle to engage politics with. Stirs up evangelicals while also being entirely harmless, making them look foolish.

          But on the other hand, seen here and elsewhere, it creates confusion that limits the organization to just antagonism at times. I wish there were more non-antagonistic humanist groups for this exact reason.

      • @samus12345
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        242 months ago

        It was, but it was a poor time to joke when it’s such a common misconception.

          • @samus12345
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            22 months ago

            It is for fundamentalists, but sane people should know that the Satanic Temple is a secular organization.

            • @[email protected]
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              162 months ago

              How dare you? They’re religious, and enjoy every freedom given to religions by conservative politicians.

      • Flying Squid
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        02 months ago

        If that was the intent, they shouldn’t have intended it that way. Because people won’t take it that way.

    • rhabarba
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      562 months ago

      What sort of “dark messengers” preach compassion and justice?

      Christian missionaries.

    • @[email protected]
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      2 months ago

      To be fair, they call themselves The Satanic Temple. If they didn’t want to court the “dark messenger” notoriety in the first place, they would just call themselves something serious like The Humanist Society.

      • @[email protected]
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        2 months ago

        You bring up a good a point, and it is meant to be provocative on purpose. It really helps remind Christian people of the importance of separation of religion and state when they see Satanic statues next to the ten commandments after they pass legislature requiring display of religious symbols and what not.

        It’s one of the only effective ways to get these people to stop trying to push their religion on everyone else. Those types don’t typically listen to reason or compromise with others, for that matter.

      • @[email protected]
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        I’ve seen religious people treat the word Humanist as if it was a dirty word right alongside atheist and then conflating atheism and humanism with Satanism. “The best trick Satan ever pulled was making you believe he isn’t real.”

        I suspect The Satanic Temple figured that no matter what they called themselves it’d be demonized so they beat the Christians to it.

    • @[email protected]
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      182 months ago

      The whole point of calling themselves Satanists is to spook Christians, and the article is playing into the joke on purpose.

    • AwesomeLowlander
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      142 months ago

      Guessing you didn’t read the article, since they elaborated more about the Satanic temple further down?

      • Flying Squid
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        92 months ago

        I read it. Burying the lede doesn’t excuse the beginning.

        • AwesomeLowlander
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          132 months ago

          Dude, it’s tongue in cheek. It’s meant to be funny. Even if you don’t find it so, it very obviously wasn’t meant to be taken seriously

          • @halcyoncmdr
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            72 months ago

            You assume the general populace can recognize intent in writing, and differentiate between things like comedy, satire, and factual statements when they aren’t explicitly declared in context.

            The fact there is currently so much successful propaganda spread worldwide through traditional media that we’re seeing a large resurgence of extreme nationalism, xenophobia, and Nazism again, along with a current very public genocide with a ton of public support, proves that to be factually incorrect. The average person is fucking stupid.

            • AwesomeLowlander
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              132 months ago

              Are we then supposed to lower the standard of all writing to the lowest common denominator, then? I get your point, but I’m not sure the solution is to move to grade school levels of communication.

              • @[email protected]
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                42 months ago

                For some things, yeah, probably. If you’re trying to inform people, you need to adjust your communication to something they’ll understand (and you can stomach).

                You don’t need to change your novel to appeal to everyone.

                A lot of marketing and journalism already targets a sixth grade level because many people don’t read well.

            • @[email protected]
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              62 months ago

              It’s a British news outlet. Just because you’re reading it in the U.S. doesn’t mean it was written with an American sense of humor in mind.

              • @halcyoncmdr
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                -32 months ago

                Clearly no one but the British can possibly be familiar with British humor.

          • @[email protected]
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            52 months ago

            I think it’s funny to call every Christian leader a pedophile rapist because it tends to be true. But for some reason the guardian doesn’t start every article about Christians that way…

          • Flying Squid
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            -22 months ago

            Lots of people will take it seriously and they will not read to the end where it is explained. In fact, what many of them will see is that part in a little preview blurb and get worked up about it.

            • AwesomeLowlander
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              142 months ago

              Well, let them? The people who would take it seriously and get worked up about it are the ones who are in support of this stupid law in the first place.

              • @CoggyMcFee
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                -42 months ago

                So, let’s just strengthen that outrage muscle then, huh?

                • AwesomeLowlander
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                  82 months ago

                  What are they gonna do that they’re not already trying to do? Revolt? Subvert the rule of law? Shoot up some schools?

          • @CoggyMcFee
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            22 months ago

            I bet you’re going to tell me you read it somewhere

            • ASeriesOfPoorChoices
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              -12 months ago

              yes, FS wrote a whiny post about how he didn’t know coupons existed on the internet, and how that it is everyone else’s fault.

              He then proceeded to misread everyone’s comments, while following up with claims that no-one said X or Y, when they did. It was an absolute joke of a post.

              So no, when FS claims he read something, I’ve got that (x) doubt meme on standby.

              • @CoggyMcFee
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                12 months ago

                Sorry, I was just attempting to make a joke, nothing more than that!

    • @UnderpantsWeevil
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      02 months ago

      What sort of “dark messengers” preach compassion and justice?

      “Many will be purged, purified and refined, but the wicked will act wickedly; and none of the wicked will understand, but those who have insight will understand” (Daniel 12:10).

  • ekZepp
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    1352 months ago

    Thank God we have Satanists.

  • @EnderWiggin
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    862 months ago

    “Dark messengers for Satanism”… Modern journalism really is fucking stupid. The Satanic Temple doesn’t do anything like that, and starting your article out that way comes across as totally unserious and diminishes the work the Satanic Temple is actually out there doing.

    • Admiral Patrick
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      312 months ago

      “More Goths, Less Cloths” has a nice ring to it if someone wants to use that as a campaign slogan for a school board seat.

          • @nomous
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            62 months ago

            That sound you hear is my bank account pre-emptively emptying itself.

  • ms.lane
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    422 months ago

    Hail Satan ⛧

  • @Allonzee
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    392 months ago

    Ok kids, time for your lesson…

    • @[email protected]
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      132 months ago

      “I always thought there couldn’t possibly be a God, with all the evil in the world. But perhaps… all this evil exists because there is a God. Perhaps, yes, perhaps this God just isn’t a particularly nice guy. It’s possible that God isn’t a DJ, but an arsehole.”

      “He’s probably both. A DJ who exclusively plays Rammstein at a kid’s birthday party.”

      “You know the saying that God created Man in His image? Well, look around. If you assume that God is an arsehole, it suddenly makes a lot of sense.”

      Freely translated from The Kangaroo Chronicles by Marc-Uwe Kling

  • @[email protected]
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    292 months ago

    Inb4 Desantis says “no, not you. You don’t serve the Christan God and therefore aren’t a recognized religion.”

    • @humorlessrepost
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      372 months ago

      At least we can count on SCOTUS to strike that down, right?

      Right?

      • @CatZoomies
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        2 months ago

        How much money can we pull together for Clarence Thomas?

        I heard the corrupt shithead also likes free vacations, so maybe we can chip in on a Royal Caribbean cruise or something, and maybe get him a snow cone and a breath mint on the side.

        Clarence Thomas:

      • @[email protected]
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        2 months ago

        Oh boy. Can’t wait for the stacked Florida courts to not strike down this non Christian religious discrimination.

  • @fukurthumz420
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    192 months ago

    religion and capitalism - the banes of human existence

    • @[email protected]
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      72 months ago

      They are mere tools for power-hungry egomaniacs, who have no regard for the well-being of others. Tools which make it especially easy for them.

      Replace religion and capitalism by something else and you get a similar picture.

      Hell is other people. It’s humanity itself which is the bane of human existence.

      • @fukurthumz420
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        32 months ago

        i believe it’s possible for us to be better. to accept the ‘human condition’ is a death sentence as a species. throughout history, we have brief moments of exemplary behavior. we are capable of more. don’t accept the current state of affairs.

        • @[email protected]
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          12 months ago

          I like to think so too. Humans have a lot of potential, for the good and the bad. It’s important to nurture the good and diminish the bad.

  • @TK420
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    182 months ago

    For those in the back, god has no place

  • @[email protected]
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    122 months ago

    What are they going to do? Arrest them? There are only so many resources the state of Florida can throw at stupid shit like this before their economy implodes. But hey, the tax payers their will pay for it. In state, and federally.

    • @UnderpantsWeevil
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      42 months ago

      Mass incarceration becomes it’s own reward when you can leverage your prison population as cheap labor

  • Zengen
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    112 months ago

    God has no place on campuses. And god has no place in the government. God is dead.

    • @TBi
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      52 months ago

      That assumes god existed

  • @TokenBoomer
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    82 months ago

    Satanists doing God’s work… who knew?

    • @stoly
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      52 months ago

      The irony is that only Christians believe in Satan. Satanists don’t, it’s a humanist movement.