I also have a female neighbour who looks 20 years older than she really is, smokes like a chimney, drinks like a dam and has different men knock at her door at different hours of the same day.

LOL that sounds like a different kind of “relationship” than what’s discussed in this thread

It’s like attractiveness, lifestyle and personality don’t matter when it comes to attracting mates.

I know a few people who are on the dating apps constantly, bring home lots of different people, and then are right back out on the apps again the next week. But they don’t find anyone committed, because they’re… always just swiping away looking for the next hook-up.

I also know a few friends who were married back in high school / college, got divorced in their late 20s/early 30s, dated around for a couple of years, and then got married again in short order. They were laser-focused on looking for a permanent partner and found them.

Then I know a few friends who are chronically single because they do not know when people are hitting on them. Like, utterly blind to it. You can have a girl sit down square in the guy’s lap and start playing with his hair and he will NOT GET THE CLUE. Its baffling.

A lot of it is about practice and recognizing social queues. A lot of it is knowing where to go to meet people. A lot of it is having a broad appetite - I know people who are simply terrified to talk to anyone of the wrong ethnicity or demographic, and that definitely hurts their prospects. I know people who are just incredibly picky, full stop, and won’t return calls or engage with anyone romantically because they’re always finding something they don’t like.

Attractiveness is only a piece of the puzzle. Lifestyle and personality are a big part of it, but not in the way you might immediately guess. Sometimes just showing up and having a conversation with new people is enough to get you laid, dating, and married.

Crackheads usually meet lots of other crackheads (who usually enjoy sex) and manipulativeness is sadly a huge aspect of getting into relationships, bu how should I know, I’ve never been in a relationship.

I know some people who, while they are nice nd attractive, are both complicated and set too high standards. A long term relationship is tough work. You will have compromises along the way. If you can’t accept that, you’re doomed to stay alone. Some people come to that conclusion sooner than others.

Or scholarships (once you have a few on your resume, you find it much easier to win more). Or grants.

So, part of it is, that if one attractive person finds you attractive, other people are more likely to find you attractive.

Humans are an odd bunch, like that.

The other side of it, is that a truly astonishing number of people go through life being told- and believing- that they need to have a “serious” relationship to be happy/successful/not a total waste, and then there’s the biological hardwiring that more or less confirms this is true.

Sometimes, to the point that they jump from one shitty relationship straight into the next.

Codependency is one hell of a drug.

As someone in an ENM relationship, no. If you’re an awkward nerd who happened to hit it off with one person, you’re still an awkward nerd when trying to hit it off with a second.

It is well known that, when you’re single nobody wants you, but the second you manage to fool someone into relationship with you, you’re the most wanted man around.

a body in motion remains in motion etc …

If you’re a man, put on a wedding ring and go out to the bar and see for yourself. This may work if you’re a woman too but I can not claim to have done the research on that one.

lol I’m fat (and, I wouldn’t say ugly, but I’m pretty ugly if I forgo my hygiene, acne prevention, and grooming routine for a couple days) and I’ve been in a few relationships and am married to a beautiful woman half my weight, and we love one another very much.

Fat doesn’t HELP, it certainly makes things more difficult. There are men/women who are immediately turned off by it. But dating and relationships are in many ways about personality and confidence. Personality you can improve on, and confidence you can fake, until both become natural to you.

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