I wish I never told anyone I worked or studied tech. Especially older family and friends, because their requests for help are relentless.
A lot of friends are chill with it, and I don’t mind doing a little bit of help, but sometimes people are who are OFFENDED when you don’t want to help. In the same way a contractor friend won’t remodel your home for free, I am not going to fix every single issue you have with your computer for free. I’m happy to give advice, but i’m not going to work for hours without pay to fix everything.
My father in law was a proctologist - and also a man I didn’t really enjoy spending any time with. One day during one of those strained compulsory family dinners - not sure which, maybe Thanksgiving - he turned to me and said with this false jovial air:
“Hey, you’re a computer guy. I have this problem with my Windows laptop. Could you take a look?” and proceeded to unpack his laptop, which he had brought along, clearly to have me fix it.
So I got up, started undoing my fly and said “Sure! Hey, I have piles. Could you take a look?”
He got up and left without a word, and never came back. His wife kept visiting though, thankfully. She was lovely. But I got rid of him for good that day. But I did have to face the music with my wife 🙂
Hey, you’re an ass man. I have this problem with my bum. Could you take a look?
I just saw your comment on lemmy shitpost
My dad taught me all about motorcycles, cars, lawnmowers, model airplanes, tools, general home repairs, and really an incalculable number of other things. I don’t mind giving him a hand with his PC or iPad once in a while.
When someone from your social groups is having motorcycle, lawnmower, model airplane, tool or general home repair issues, do you give them your father’s number?
Or relay a message, yes.
It’s not just tech shit. Basically, you should never let anyone know that you’re good at something. Ever. Because then you become the fixit person for that thing.
i see you’re good at disguise, could you help me get good at it?
No sorry I’m terribly busy
You say that, but I’ve been telling people for years how good I am at shitting into a bucket from the top of a twelve-foot ladder and no-one has ever asked me for help.
I guess it’s just too narrow a field.
I’ve been using Linux as an out. “Oh you’re having a windows problem? I got rid of windows 10 years ago, so I can’t really help you with that”.
I do the same thing but leverage networking instead of Linux.
“Sorry, I dont actually know much about computers, but let me know if you want advice about port trunking or configuring a VLAN”
See that’s dangerous though because networks are black magic to most users. Even more so than the computer itself.
I often explain it as though they’re asking an airplane mechanic to fix their Honda Civic. The principals are the same(fuel goes in, rotation comes out) but the machines are so different that doesn’t help much from a practical standpoint
Oh I have questions. I’m not going to ask because thread and because I’m smart enough to know it’s not an easy problem, but that sure wouldn’t be the escape you think it is if we were friends lol.
I hate networking issues. But I’ve replaced every foot of cabling, every networking device, and my ISP and I still get intermittent 2 minute network drops a few times a day. I am to the point of suspecting a rogue smart device is doing something malicious. I need a networking guru friend to annoy.
Disconnect everything physically plugged into the router and change the WiFi password.
Add your devices back one at a time until the dropouts start again.
If they start immediately then you’re looking at a modem/router issue (most likely). If they start after adding a device, remove that device and check the network stability again.
When the network drops happen is your modem showing that it’s still connected to your ISP or is the modem in a disconnected state?
It can be hours between dropouts. Not saying that’s not a really good idea, but I’ll have to add stuff in groups. It would take me months just adding one device a day.
Since I got my new fiber connection a few months ago, I couldn’t say whether the modem stays connected or not. The cable modem dropped connection, but Comcast swore it wasn’t any problem on their end. Until I got fiber everything was self-owned inside the house and everything was replaced at least once: wiring, cable modem, router/wireless AP.
Honestly since switching to fiber I haven’t done the deep troubleshooting I had with my modem, and I suppose there could’ve even been a couple of issues and switching to fiber fixed one but not the other. Some symptoms are the same: my phone will stop working with anything Internet until I disconnect or wait a while and my PS5 will complain that it has lost connection. Other symptoms are different: I haven’t noticed my white noise streams stopping abruptly in the middle of the night, my work meetings don’t suddenly drop.
It’s almost like before the whole internet would drop and now only DNS will, so existing connections work fine (like through vpn, existing streams) but new requests like refreshing Lemmy won’t work for a couple of minutes.
Sorry, it wasn’t until you asked that I started thinking maybe the symptoms had slightly changed when I switched to fiber because the most obvious symptoms are the same. I need to do more investigation on my end. But thanks for asking the question that made me give that some thought.
Hey, it’s ok. It’s troubleshooting and that’s free flowing.
So you’ve switched ISP’s from cable to fiber and the issue persists?
To a degree, yes. Like I was saying, some of the symptoms do seem to have gone away, but I do still have what appears to be intermittent loss of domain name resolution. Maybe I have so many devices phoning home that the service freaks every once in a while.
Unfortunately, now that I’m using the router to handle all of this with the stock firmware, I don’t have as good of logging as I did when I was running all of that on my Pi.
Are you using the same router on the fiber service you used on the cable service?
Total shot in the dark knowing basically nothing about the situation, but if your house is over 10 years old and you also have cable internet, you might have a MoCA filter somewhere along the coax line(I’ve seen them installed outside too)
They were installed all over the place to prevent interference between cable TV and cable Internet, but sometimes they cause problems getting a stable internet connection
I’ve replaced all the wiring out to the service box on the outside of the house. At one point I noticed the network drop coincided with a log message that a different IP6 address was trying to take over (or be handed off) DHCP provider (or maybe it was DNS, it’s been a while since I just gave up and accepted it). Then it will apparently timeout and go back to normal and everything comes back up. That’s why the duration is so predictable.
But at the time I was using a raspberry pi running pihole as my DNS/DHCP providers. I gave up and removed it, thinking I had misconfigured something and that was the cause of the issue, but it’s gone and the drops remain. Now I’m just running everything off of my Orbi mesh. And it’s all acting just like it did with my old Nighthawk (which I’ve left up on a different channel to divide up some of the smart device load but before anyone thinks they are interfering, this issue far predates me blowing $500 on a new router mesh that fixed nothing).
My TVs got really pissed off when the pi was hooked up and I wouldn’t let them call home. Maybe it’s one I’d them, but idk. We have probably 100 different smart devices from 20 different vendors between lights, cameras, thermostat, motion sensors, plugs, vacuums, Alexa’s, TVs and phones. I don’t think it’s sheer volume but I can’t rule it out. Having two different WiFi networks ought to lighten the load but idk.
Anyway, I appreciate the stab. It’s a hard problem, and I’m probably up to the task if I really get pissed enough, but as you can tell by everything I’ve done I’ve already been there a couple of times.
Right now the real annoying thing is, when the network drops, my daughter’s school laptop connects to someone’s Xfinity router (to which we don’t have creds) and never goes back to ours when it’s back and it’s administered by the school so I can’t make it forget that damn Xfinity SSID. She knows how to fix it but I think she tries too fast before it’s back up, then just assumes Internet is down despite the fact that I’m 20’ away on a freaking slack huddle for work…
I’m just venting at this point. Thanks, man. Don’t worry about it unless something I’ve said makes it really obvious.
My out has been unfortunately true. I got into the corporate IT game. I really have no idea what’s going on in the consumer space if it’s not something I personally deal with.
Which means that when someone asks questions about getting a virus or how to do any little task, I tell them that normally I’d wipe and reimage without a second thought, or tell them to call the help desk.
My mum just does not believe me when I say ‘I don’t know, I don’t use this software’. When I say I have no idea how to get word to do what she needs because I’ve used nothing but latex for close to ten years, clearly I’m just trying to get out of helping, right?
She’s not the only one, either. They always expect you to figure it out. Especially egregious: I didn’t customize my CV for a teaching job. It said I can code a bit. Guess who became the windows support for the older teachers?
The best antidote against being asked tech questions is not to use standard tech 😄
- “Windows? No idea, but if you let me install linux on your computer I could help you out in the future”
- “iPhone? Sorry, got an Android. Can’t help you out.”
- “Printer? Nobody, not even Zeus can help you there…”
They know I worked at a computer shop so this wouldn’t work 😫
They know I worked at a computer shop so this wouldn’t work 😫
Are those people who would help you out with free professional help, if you needed? Because that’s what it is, in your case.
More or less my response to anyone with an Apple computer.
Solid.
Similar, I take another system I’m familiar with and use it as an excuse. I know how to program a Cisco router, but heck if I know what an iPhone is, I can’t use them at work. Virus? That’s what the help-desk is for. Look, I work with fax machines, telephones, and video conference systems. The platform I work on is so secure that if we mess with it at all, it disables and we have to have them sent back and pay a lot of money to get them fixed, and I’d lose my job.
Granted, if it’s something simple I’ll help, but I’m not about to troubleshoot aunt May’s login issues for Amazon from 300 miles away.
There’s a lot of cringey responses in this thread. Just be a nice person and talk to your family and friends in an open and honest way.
Firstly, this happens in any profession. I’m a tax consultant. People always want to talk to me about tax.
Thing is, 100% of the time people will understand if you say “I don’t really know very much about that particular thing I’m sorry.”
When someone says “my wifi isn’t working” they’re not necessarily saying “please will you come over and fix my wifi”, often they’re really saying “what should I do to solve this problem” and the answer is usually “turn it off and on again, update adobe reader, if it’s still not working take it to whatever shop.”
If someone directly asks you “please will you stop what you’re doing and come fix my x”, which never actually happens, then you just deal with it as appropriate. “Sorry nan I have a lot going on right now, you’ll have to take it to the shop”.
And if someone says “hey, can you come fix my computer,” and when you show up she just lays in bed and looks at you longingly from there, that means you really got to fix the computer and then leave so she can get some sleep.
Yeah, look she couldn’t even dress up to greet you. She must be really really tired
“please will you stop what you’re doing and come fix my x”
This actually happens quite frequently. It’s rare to leave a family party without a follow up appointment to look at a persons tech.
Thing is, 100% of the time people will understand if you say “I don’t really know very much about that particular thing I’m sorry.”
“Yeah but you know tech so you must just be sand bagging”
My point is, you just have to navigate these interactions as you would any social encounter.
If someone asks me to stop whatever I’m doing and go and do whatever thing for them I would politely decline and explain why I’m unavailable.
It’s kind of preposterous to suggest that someone who is asking you for free help would tell you you’re “sand bagging” when you told them you’re unable to. I don’t really have friends or family like that. If I did it would be the same approach though - just having an open and honest conversation about why I can’t help.
Sounds like you are too blunt. Never tell them no. Listen to their problem and just reply with a ‘Id have to look into that’, or an ‘I can come over when I get a chance’. If they persist, have a couple projects they can help you out with and tell them 'sorry Id love to help, but Im (going to the dump / painting the kitchen / gotta do seasonal yard work / etc). If they offer to help you, then you are kinda on the hook to help them. If they dont follow through… you can subtly bring it up (still gotta move that couch). You dont have to be a dick about it. It can be fun messing with folks.
Honestly I’m tech support for some people, but I need help with some of the more advanced stuff, so I have a tech guy too.
If you really want someone to stop bothering you, botch the job.
Or just make yourself out to be utterly incompetent; let them think you’re bad at your job/hobby.
“What happens when you google it? If that doesn’t help I don’t know what else to try, sorry /shrug”
“Ask ChatGPT.”
Physical therapy - i tell everyone to put ice in it and take Aleve for 3 days if it doesn’t interfere with your meds.
I have a friend that’s a doc. We’re not supposed to tell people because they will to spend all night talking to her about their medical problems.
It’s the same with plumbers, accountants, garage door repairers, mechanics, nurses, … everyone.
We all think, “why does everyone want my help for free?” but we’ve all asked someone with a skill for advice.
I like to use the good-fast-cheap paradigm for most people. Typically, if I’m giving you something good & cheap/free, then it won’t be done today. If you want something good & fast, can’t be cheap. I can do fast & cheap, but I typically set expectations of like “Uhhh, I can try for 5 mins but [more important thing I need to do.]”
I agree that being the tech expert isn’t great, but it’s usually simple tasks. Most people have something where they are “the specialty person.” You’re tech, but maybe another friend is crafty, another one is good at fixing stuff, another is artistic. We all have different strengths and weaknesses.
I try to imagine good actions/karma as being passed forward; hopefully when I need help, someone looks out for me.
Gonna use that
I came out the otherside by becoming a solutions architect. Now when people ask for my help I say things like “I know how to do that at enterprise scale. Here’s the $10k/month cloud solution.”
People don’t ask as much anymore.
Sure it’s annoying but I don’t mind helping grandma with her Word doc after she cooked dinner for everyone
I help out people where I can. Some are great, and grateful. Some break things much worse, or insist that the computer spontaneously deleted their data. You do need to set boundaries, and be candid about your own: “You call yourself a computer guy?” “No, I call myself an embedded software developer, I haven’t touched a Windows box in ten years, other than yours”.
Do realize that a lot of people are genuinely victims of their own tech, these days. There are people who’d probably rather not use a computer, but have no choice.
or insist that the computer spontaneously deleted their data
That can happen on windows
Windows - not even once.
You can go the nuclear option. My mother used to complain constantly that her computer was slow, and could I take a look at it. This developed into a fortnightly ritual where I would remove the Internet Explorer toolbars she’d added that took up a full third of her laptop’s screen, then run an antivirus scan for 5 hours or so to remove the malware she kept re-installing. Eventually, I got tired of it and told her I would either install something she couldn’t mess up as easily, or she could fix her own problems going forward. She agreed to trying something new, and her laptop got a nice Linux Mint install. I guess she really loved her malware, as she soon lost interest in the laptop, despite offers to show her how to do what she wanted to, which really weren’t more elaborate than opening Firefox and going to her email, facebook, etc, but I guess a new desktop icon and no toolbars was a bridge too far for her.
I set my dad up with Ubuntu some years ago. He wasn’t the worst windows user, but he had some troubles.
Now he’s a big Linux fan. Updates his OS himself sometimes. He’s not extremely savvy, but he gets by enough.
When the laptop is configured as a Perpetual Engagement Machine, is it any wonder that stripping off all the flashy “CLICK ME! CLICK ME!” buttons causes your mom to lose interest in it?
Feels like you took all the bells and flashing lights off her slot machine. Why even pull the lever if its not going to overwhelm your senses with engagement?
Oh yeah. Especially when you have a degree in CS, spend your days writing code and thinking about design patterns, and people ask you for advice on what laptop to get. I don’t @#&$ know!
That and old ass infected computers. I’ve used Linux almost exclusively for more than a decade. Fuck if I know how to fix your 10 year old windows desktop.
But you do know how to do it. It was right there in your previous sentence.
I’m quite surprised by the fact that so many people here seem to be bothered by that. To me, having friends and family also means helping each other when we can. I am good with tech, but I am awful with many other things, and I am really glad that I do know that my family and friends will also help me.
I love my mother in law. After a day of staring at a computer we may go to her house for dinner. Sometimes after dinner it becomes chore time without my knowledge. “Oh, I can’t log into the bank to pay my bills.” “Can you please change the lightbulb in the bathroom?” “The printer doesn’t work” “why is my phone slow?” She doesn’t do it to be annoying, she does it because she needs help. Once she thinks of one task there is usually another that she remembers. I am tired from work and full of food but always say yes and do it.
We talked to her and asked her to make a list and we review that list when we arrive. This way we can prioritize tasks that must be done vs those that my partner can do or that can wait. This has worked well for us because it is addressing her needs while not overwhelming us.
I wish I could be paid in more than not being yelled at for a while
Grow up. I don’t mean this as an insult. You’ll see how your attitude ages.
I’d say it’s a pretty general phenomenon. Expertise and entitled consumption of it as a service. Even in a professional setting, with a service/support dynamic, it can be abused through entitlement pretty often.
