originally seen on the fediverse here: https://elekk.xyz/@coriander/114114387547043884
alt text by me
I’m not sure why but Kissinger hated everyone. He hated the Vietnamese, Cambodians, Laotians and was even quoted saying Arabs are savages (or perhaps barbarians). How does someone who escaped a Holocaust carry so much hate against other disadvantaged groups?
Speaking of jokes for our time:
Q: What is the main difference between succession under the tsarist regime and under socialism?
A: Under the tsarist regime, power was transferred from father to son, and under socialism – from grandfather to grandfather.
Also on point:
A man walks into a shop and asks, “You wouldn’t happen to have any fish, would you?” The shop assistant replies, “You’ve got it wrong – ours is a dairy shop. We don’t have any milk. You’re looking for the fish shop across the road. There they don’t have any fish!”
Although my personal favorite…
In Soviet Russia, everyone gets the joke!
Can you explain the first one?
During the tsardom, tsars passed power like kings do.
Soviet union, the party chose its leader. There was a period in the Soviet times where each succeeding leader was pretty much as old as the outgoing one so they didn’t last very long. It was called the gerontocracy.
This old Soviet joke was about Stalin
I think you could argue there were plenty of Soviet leaders it could fit. Beria, for example.
But if the KGB asked, you meant the capitalist pig American president.
It could be but famously it was understood to be Stalin.
Something that has always bothered me about this joke: Don’t news stands generally have the front page visible, to entice people? So like, you’d know well before you bought one.
Edit: I’m illiterate. I’ve heard this joke before as “guy buys a paper, looks at the front page, throws it away”. But this version actually makes sense.
‘scans the front page, doesn’t buy the paper’. right. that’s the joke. that it’s for someone important enough for their death to make the front page, which is visible without buying the paper.
Yes, that’s part of the joke. The obituary he was looking for was something that would be frontpage news, implying it’s an important political person.
As much as I’d have loved for the Kissinger is Dead celebrations to have been big news (and a Holiday), it went by mostly unannounced.
Because he lived so long that when he finally died, most Americans had no fucking clue who he was.
That obituary will definitely be Putin the front page
There’s only one other that could trump it.
I Xi what you did there
With all these puns, I can’t understand Netanyahu guys are talking about.
Putin wasn’t really big during the Soviet era
Born in 1952, I think it’s safe to say Putin was small during the Soviet era.
*laugh track*
Oh wow, are you a historian?
No
The original post says “Old soviet joke for our times”
Ok
Thanks Mike
Kairos
No
I’m hoping they found them both dead. Together, in a hotel room with Putin’s dick still in Trump’s mouth.
I’m here 'till thursday; try the veal and tip your server
…and please dont put your cigarettes out in the flower pots - the FSB currently has a shortage of microphones.
Yes an old joke for our times. About NEWSPAPERS.
You’re right, I’ll fix it:
[BRO] stops by the [iPAD STAND] every day, scans the [INTERNET], doesn’t buy the [IPAD]. One day the vendor asks what he’s up to.
[BRO] says: “looking for an obituary.”
Vendor says “those are towards the back of the [RSS FEED], [RIZZLER].”
[BRO] says: “not the one I’m looking for, [BITCH].”
Good try, but already outdated
To be honest, every time I lunch Lemmy I’m hoping for a “Trump found dead” post to be on the top.
Wish Granted
TRUMP DEAD. Vance accuse the “Radical Left” of assasination. Martial Law has been declared.
c/monkeypaw
The Second American Civil War is one of the good timelines though.
In the bad ones, no one bothers to fight back.
Trump found dead, circumstances not suspicious says Kremlin.
Why would the Kremlin want him dead?
He disagreed with the “voluntary” annexation.
Putin just kept saying “Perhaps you think you are being treated unfairly” when he complained about it.
Fell out of a 7th floor window in the White House.
deleted by creator
Something similar, I wake up and look out for fresh memes of his assassination. But until now I remain disappointed.
I’m in a better situation: I’d be happy with Trump or Elon. So, 50% better odds, however small they might be.
OTOH, Trump could just keel over one of these days, leaving us with President Vance shudder. I mean, President Couch Fucker has a nice ring, and all, but every single time that guy opens his mouth, the more I want to punch him.
I dunno. The list of guys who deserve a sword missile is getting pretty long. Moscow Mitch, Vance, Trump, Elon. Any of them would be a happy day.
I really don’t get it
There used to be sidewalk kiosks called “newsstands” where people could buy the “newspaper,” a daily publication with news about recent events. Bigger news was put on the front page, and at a newsstand you could see the front page for free.
Because this is talking about the Soviet Union, the man is almost certainly looking for a headline announcing that Josef Stalin has died.
The person looking for an obituary is hoping for the expiration of a public figure prominent enough that their death would be front page news. Likely a politician.
